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The enemies of religion and in particular of the Catholic
Church often maintain that the Church has failed in her mission to make
men virtuous, because even among Catholics there are many that lead
immoral lives. And some go even so far as to see in this a proof that
religion is incapable of making men moral. The fallacy of such
reasoning lies, of course, in ascribing to religion those moral
failures who disregard her precepts and who neglect to use the means of
practicing virtue that she enjoins. The same fallacious reasoning is
used in regard to the home. The home has failed, it is said, to take
care of its members during their leisure hours; it does not offer
recreational facilities enough, especially for young people. And as our
young people will seek diversion and amusement in improper places if we
do not provide wholesome entertainment for them, we must have Catholic
clubs and social centers where they can recreate themselves in a
harmless manner.
A Matter of Training
Those of our
social workers and sociologists who reason thus evidently overlook the
fact that there is an endless variety of not only innocent but also
beneficial amusements that may be had in the home; and furthermore that
it is just as possible, by proper and timely education, to educate
people to seek their recreation mainly at home, because of the
priceless advantages that home life offers, as it is to induce them to
patronize Catholic community centers in preference to the more alluring
public places of amusement.
Such, then, is the purpose of this chapter--to ripen the conviction in
the reader that home life should be cultivated on principle by every
member of the family; since home life is an indispensable means of
obtaining in full measure the blessings of religion in the home and the
true happiness and welfare of the entire family.
I.
A Plain Duty
In every perfect
society, it is the duty of the members to further the purpose of the
society. Now the family is a perfect society, whose object is to
promote the temporal and above all the eternal welfare of its members.
Hence it is the duty of each member of the family to do his share
towards the attainment of that end, even at the cost of some sacrifice
or of some inconvenience to himself. No member of the family has a
right to shirk his duty toward the rest. No member of the family stands
alone and is simply free to live his own life without any regard for
the others. But the proper fulfillment of each one's respective duty
towards the other members of the family necessarily demands the
spending of a certain amount of time at home in the family circle.
The Parents' Part
Upon the father,
as head of the family, naturally devolves the first duty of fostering
home life by his example as well as by providing reasonable
recreational facilities, and, if need be, also by using his authority
to prevent unreasonable or excessive gadding abroad. Yet, though the
father has the greater authority to safeguard home life, the mother, as
the mistress of the home, has the greater opportunities; and hers,
therefore, should also be the chief care in fostering a deep-seated
love of the home and binding all members of the family by invisible
ties to the paternal hearth. Indeed, the mother is the real center of
attraction, the very heart of the Christian home. Because the care of
the children and the superintending, if not always the actual
performance, of the household tasks requires her presence, the home is
the mother s natural abode, and, with but rare exceptions, her ordinary
sphere of action.
A Mother's First Care
It is true, the
practice of many women and mothers of our day seems to indicate that
women have a much wider field of action than that circumscribed by the
limits of the household. Yet that does not alter the fact that woman's
natural place is the home, and that, ordinarily, she should not engage
in any work, not even of a social or political nature, incompatible
with the performance of her duties to her family. (See Pope Pius XI's
quote on Mothers Who Work Away from Home.) As the great Jesuit
authority on moral philosophy, Victor Cathrein, says: "To give her
children a good education and to maintain a well regulated household,
must always be woman's first care." And lest it be thought that this is
an outworn doctrine that must be rejected because of changed
conditions, and that woman must needs adapt herself to the times, he
continues: "Far from estranging her more and more from this mission, as
it must be regretted has hitherto been done in consequence of modern
industry and modern ideas, one should aim to regain for her in its
entirety the place that she occupied in former times. The foundation of
domestic happiness is a virtuous, pious, diligent woman, who loves
order, and who possesses the gift of making her husband attached to his
family and of educating her children to be good citizens and good
Christians" ("Moral Philosophy," Book II, p. 384-5).
Exceptional Cases
It cannot be
denied that there may be circumstances in which individual women may
very properly widen the field of their activities, either for their own
advantage, the advancement of women's interests, or for the welfare of
the public in general. But these will be, for the most part, women
without families, or such whose children no longer need a mother's
care; and with women thus circumstanced I am not here concerned.
But if woman's chief concern is the proper education of her children
and the care of domestic affairs her presence in the home is
indispensable. Or how can a mother fulfill her sacred duties towards
her young children if she is rarely with them? If she is frequently
absent from home or if she leaves the children almost entirely in the
care of a nurse or maid, how can she guide their childish steps aright,
mould their tender hearts to virtue, and administer the necessary
admonitions, reproofs, and punishment? For the words of Holy Writ are
still as true as they were of old: "The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but the child that is left to his own will bringeth his mother to
shame" (Prov. 29, 15).
Big Brothers and Sisters
In as far, too,
as the assistance of the older children may be helpful or necessary in
the care of domestic affairs, the mother not only may but should
require it. The training of the children is indeed the mother's duty;
but just because it is her duty, she has the right to demand the
assistance of the elder children in order that that duty may be
properly performed. She has the right to demand that they remain at
home to help her take care of the younger children, to aid them with
their tasks, or merely to keep them company and entertain them so that
they will be content to remain at home. Why is it that sometimes even
the very young children are anxious to get away from home, except that
most of the other members of the family are out and the children are
deprived of the companionship they crave? It is above all at nighttime,
and in particular for the adolescent boys and girls, that the home is
truly a haven of safety to shield them at least for a time from the
dangers of the outside world; and parents may become guilty of grievous
sin, if they are grossly negligent in keeping their children at home at
night to shield them from evil companions and other occasions of sin.
But even for the elder children, home life is a necessity for the
proper development and safeguarding of their spiritual life; and this
all the more if they are old enough to be obliged to work and are in
consequence exposed to the evil influences of the outside world. Or,
indeed, how can they benefit by the practice of family prayer, if they
do not take regularly even one meal a day with the entire family when
grace is said in common, and if they are never at home in the evening
to join in the recitation of the litany or rosary? How will they devote
any time to Catholic reading, and how can they be beneficially affected
by the Catholic atmosphere of the home, if almost the only time they
spend there is spent in bed?
Weakening the Family Circle
But the frequent
absence of the elder children from the family circle not only deprives
them of the benefits of family prayer, good reading, and a Catholic
atmosphere, but deprives also the other members of the family of the
benefit of their company and their good example. By absenting
themselves from home, they weaken the family circle and make it harder
for the rest to profit by the advantages of the Catholic home. If the
older children would stay at home, it would be easier for the rest to
stay and devote a little time to family prayer and Catholic reading.
Their very presence, their interest, and their example would make home
life more agreeable, and all would become more and more permeated with
the wholesome influence of a Catholic atmosphere. But if one brother or
sister goes out, another will want to go, too; if the elder brothers
and sisters are gone, the children will not wish to remain at home; and
thus the family is broken up and instead of a place to live in the home
becomes merely a lodging and boarding house--a place where one sleeps
and perhaps takes one or the other meal.
Modern Conditions No Excuse
No matter how
common this state of things is at present or how well satisfied people
may be with it, it is greatly to be deplored; and parents as well as
children should do their utmost to restore the home life of the family
to its pristine and normal condition. Every member of the family should
be prompted to foster home life for his own advantage, because it is
for his own good to spend the greater part of his time at home. He
should be further impelled by regard for his brothers and sisters, whom
he is bound to love more than others not so closely related, and whom
he should be willing to help by his company and good example. And
lastly he should be induced by love and gratitude towards his parents,
when they desire him to remain at home; and even by obedience, if they
direct him to stay at home to take care of the children, to help them
with their tasks, or merely to entertain them.
The parents themselves are in duty bound to foster home life, because
it is an almost indispensable means for the proper Catholic rearing of
their children. It is the presence of the parents, and especially of
the mother; it is their example, their authority, their interest, and
above all their love that must knit the family together, ward off the
dangers that threaten it from without, breathe into it the true
Catholic mind and Christian spirit, and guide it to its eternal
destiny. It is the Home That Counts This old-fashioned doctrine has
recently found champions in unexpected quarters--the camp of the
psychiatrists--as may be seen from an article entitled "Home Still in
Fashion," in "The Literary Digest" for October 10, 1931. Commenting on
an address to 2000 school principals in New York by Dr. Leon W.
Goldrich, director of New York City's newly established Bureau of Child
Guidance of the Board of Education, the New York Times says that it has
been demonstrated that any home, even one of contention and unkindness,
is better for the child than no home at all. "It is a doctrine which
until recently demanded exceptional courage to maintain. An age devoted
to self-expression and freedom preferred to think of the harm done by
taboos and fixations, and to overlook the good done by fathers w ho
provided food and shelter and mothers who provided care." We are now
emerging from this revolt against the home, continues The Times.
"People are beginning to say generally in print what the social workers
and the officials of the juvenile courts have been saying all the
time.... It is the home that counts. Scientists are beginning to
emphasize the importance of loving care--the very thing recently
abominated as the source of so many complexes." It is almost needless
to say that I do not advocate spending all one's leisure time at home,
nor maintain that one must never go away except for very urgent
reasons. There may even be homes in which the moral conditions are so
bad that it would be more advisable to spend the majority of one's
evenings away from home. But apart from such very exceptional cases,
one may safely say that home life is not fostered as it should be by
those persons who, without sufficient excuse, spend the majority of
their evenings away from home.
II.
The Causes of the Trouble
If people are to
be interested in the great social work of making the home circle
flourish once more, it is necessary for them to understand the causes
of its disruption. One of these, the expansion of industry, has already
been alluded to; but as the purpose of this book is to bring about an
improvement of the Christian home even before the reform of our present
industrial system may be hoped for, it will be more to the purpose to
expatiate on other causes; and chief among these, without doubt, is the
inordinate quest of earthly pleasure.
Joy versus Pleasure
In that charming
little book, "More Joy," by Bishop Paul Wilhelm Keppler, the author
points out the important distinction between joy and pleasure. There
are too many pleasures, he says, and too little joy. Which is only
another way of saying that too many people seek happiness in things
that are not conducive to true happiness; and consequently, though they
give themselves up to amusements, to the enjoyment of sensual
pleasures, they do not find true joy but merely a temporary
forgetfulness of life s burdens and sorrows. True joy consists in
contentment, in peace of heart, in the testimony of a good conscience,
in the control of one's animal instincts by reason, in the subjection
of the passions. Man being a rational and moral being, albeit an
animal, cannot find real joy in pleasures that conflict with reason and
the moral law. And that is why those people are most joyous who are
content, for the most part, to find the needed recreation in the
simpler joys of the family circle. For these joys are consistent with a
good conscience, whereas the pleasures that are the usual offering of
public places of amusement can frequently not be indulged in without
either searing one's conscience or at least exposing oneself to grave
moral danger.
The Lure of the Gang
If I should be
asked to state in particular what pleasures tempt different members of
the family to spend their evenings away from home, I should say that in
the case of young men, and especially those still in their "teens," it
is mainly the pleasures found in the company of the "gang." By the gang
I do not mean a number of boys who are usually found together in their
outings, nor the boys of a neighborhood who are regular playmates in
their daily games. Such gangs hardly interfere with, and oftentimes
practically coalesce with the family circle. No, the gang that seems to
me to be a menace to home life and to the proper training of young men,
is a group of boys who usually spend every evening and the entire
evening together at some place away from their homes; and I do not
hesitate to call the desire of a boy always to be with "the gang" an
inordinate desire for pleasure and a dangerous occasion of sin. For
what is the chief attraction of such company? The absence of all
restraint. They want to be alone with youths of their own age,
unobserved by their parents or teachers. They want to enjoy liberty,
independence; and this liberty consists in freedom from all
restraint--from the restraint of cultured society, the restraint of
politeness, the restraint of gentlemanly deportment, the restraint
often even of Christian virtue and common decency.
Bad Influence of the Gang
But freedom from
such restraint cannot but have evil consequences for undeveloped
characters, as experience proves only too well. Where is it that vulgar
words and expressions are most commonly heard? In the company of the
gang. Where is it that indelicate stories are unblushingly told? In the
company of the gang. Where is it that obscene hints are given,
suggestive remarks made, improper songs sung? Where is it that gambling
is learnt, drinking taught, disobedience, untruthfulness and dishonesty
towards parents and teachers approved and applauded? In the company of
the gang. It is the almost uninterrupted daily association with such
company in such circumstances that roughens the character and degrades
the morals of our young men. And the most natural and most effective
means of withdrawing them, at least to a great extent, from the
debasing influence of such company, is to have them spend the majority
of their evenings at home in the company of their mothers and sisters.
The naturally more gentle and more refined nature and manners of
mothers and sisters are a splendid means of leavening, of tempering,
and of toning down the coarser and wilder nature of the young man and
the growing boy. And happy the boy and the young man who submits to the
influence of such companionship! That companionship, coupled with the
entire influence of a good Christian home, will go far towards saving
him from the evils of the "gang."
Girls' Sets and Parents' Clubs
No less
disastrous than the gang in disrupting the family circle is the girls'
set as well as father's and mother's clubs. The objections to be made
against the girls' set, unless its gatherings are far less frequent and
properly chaperoned. are the same as those I have made against the
boys' gang. It opens the door to unrestrained liberty and contempt of
time-honored conventions for which the less respectable element among
our modern young womanhood is so justly condemned. As to the clubs to
which the parents and especially the mothers belong, nothing craves
more wary walking than these. Many a child is a stranger to parental
care and to all the blessings of home life because of its mother's
insane devotion to her club, or to what she dignifies by the name of
"social duties." There are wives and mothers who imagine themselves
bound to be busy almost everywhere except in their own homes. One
afternoon or evening they must be at their club; another afternoon, at
a card party; another day, they must attend an afternoon tea or a
lecture; and still another day, a reading or sewing circle. And thus,
what with their social calls and social duties, they are mostly absent
from their homes and their own children are neglected.
Charity Begins at Home
If such mothers
would only devote themselves conscientiously to the God-given task of
bringing up and training their own children instead of attending, or
even giving, lectures on the uplift of society, society would be in a
far better way than it is at present. It may be that some of these
women are at heart well- meaning and sincere, and that, blinded by the
glamour of altruistic activities, they do not realize their mistake.
But the truth of the matter is that the performance of welfare work is
often an excuse for neglecting the more confining and more tedious
household duties. No matter how good and praiseworthy it is to practice
the corporal and spiritual works of mercy, our Lord certainly would not
countenance a woman's practicing them to the neglect of her own family.
A woman's first social duty is to her own family. Let that duty be
properly attended to first, and then she may think of extending her
charitable activities abroad. Charity should begin at home.
Value of "Monies" Overestimated
A second
attraction that draws not only the young men and the young women, but
even their younger brothers and sisters away from the home at night, is
the theatre, and especially the moving picture theatre. A great deal
may be said in favor of the "movie," not only on account of its
recreational but also on account of its educational value; yet it is my
opinion that this value is greatly overrated, and that, as far as
children are concerned, whatever amount of education may be obtained by
attendance at moving pictures can be equally well obtained by other
means. In other words, I firmly believe that a child that never
attended a "movie" can, and in most cases will be, just as well
educated as one that attended "movies." It would be possible to show
that whatever good is accomplished by the "movies" (and I am speaking
only of the good ones), is discounted by the harm that they indirectly
do even to the cause of education. But as I am speaking now of the
"movie" only in its relation to the home, I wish to emphasize here
merely this harmful result of attendance at the "movies," that it
withdraws the members of the family from the sanctuary of the home, and
by developing the "movie" habit, makes it impossible for them properly
to share in the beneficial influence of Christian home life. In view of
the fact that children lose nothing worth while by rarely attending
moving pictures, and that frequent attendance almost inevitably
withdraws them from one of the best of all educational influences, that
of a good Catholic home life, it is hard to understand how thoughtful
parents can be so imprudent as to take their young children regularly
to such amusements even before the latter are old enough to attend
school. But such parents usually reap the fruit of their folly. If
children become accustomed from early childhood to frequent public
places of amusement, it is not surprising that in their adolescence
they can hardly be restrained from roaming about at night.
Excessive Joy-Riding
The third great
enemy, and no doubt the greatest enemy, of home life in our day is the
automobile. As long as practically the whole family goes riding, and as
long as the outings are not too frequent, there is no objection to this
means of recreation, in particular for those families who are thereby
enabled to benefit by the advantages of a more healthy atmosphere and a
more agreeable environment. Yet it cannot be denied that the thing is
overdone. In many families the car is in constant use. The children
want to be out at every possible opportunity, and the far more valuable
means of recreation to be had at home are neglected. In other families
the car is used in turn by different members of the family. One evening
it is one of the boys who has it; another evening, one, or perhaps two,
of the girls; a third evening the parents, and thus the family circle
is always incomplete and it is impossible to enjoy the benefits of real
home life. It is imperative, therefore, that parents who aim to promote
the true welfare and happiness of their children put a stop to this
excessive automobile-riding.
A Snare to Virtue
Though I am
speaking here of the automobile only in as far as its use affects home
life, it may be useful to add a word of warning to parents against
permitting their son or daughter to go riding unchaperoned with a
companion of the opposite sex. Not only Catholic priests but also
non-Catholic judges and social workers deplore such rides as the
occasion of the moral downfall of countless young men and young women.
If the boy and girl are honorable and sensible, they will welcome a
third person to their party both as a means of warding off suspicion
and as a guardian of their virtue. And in order that their adolescent
boys and girls may take this sensible view of the matter, parents
should instruct and train them betimes to follow Christian and not
pagan standards of propriety in their relations with persons of the
opposite sex. unless they do this, their children will almost
inevitably take their cue from what they read in secular papers, from
what they see on stage and screen, and from what they witness in actual
life; and this to their own great moral detriment, to the
disedification of their acquaintances, and oftentimes to the tragic
grief of the very parents who refused to be so old-fashioned as to curb
their children's liberty.
III.
Homes Must Be Made Attractive
What a world of
evils would disappear at one happy stroke, and what a world of good
would be accomplished, if people would only stay at home and be
occupied in the family circle! The great question is, then, how shall
we induce people to stay at home? If it is the desire for amusement,
for recreation, for companionship, that leads them abroad, how shall
this desire, which is certainly legitimate, be satisfied at home? In
advocating home life, nothing is farther from my thoughts than the
desire to deprive anyone of legitimate pleasure. Indeed, to put more
real joy into men's lives, while at the same time furthering their
spiritual interests, is the very purpose and object of this book. If I
thought that it would not help to achieve this purpose, I would cast it
into the fire.
Cleanliness the First Requisite
By all means,
then, the home must be made attractive. The attractions that lure one
elsewhere must be offset by counter attractions in the home. The
strongest tie that binds one to one's home is love of home--a quality
that can be developed just the same as the habit of frequenting public
amusements is developed. Therefore, the first requisite for attracting
one to one's home is that the home the abode itself, be pleasant and
inviting. Even the humblest home can meet this requirement, at least in
the interior; for poverty does not imply squalor slovenliness or
disorder. Let only cleanliness prevail, let only the rule be observed,
"A place for everything, and everything in its place," and the
resultant neatness and tidiness will lend a simple dignity and
attractiveness to even the poorest interior. It is by no means always
the luxurious or palatial homes that are the most charming. Coziness,
like hospitality, is more often found in the workingman's bungalow than
in the rich man's palace. One cannot imagine the Holy Family of
Nazareth living in a splendid home. They were poor, and their abode
undoubtedly reflected their poverty. Yet, however scanty their
resources and however stinted their use of earthly goods, one cannot
but believe that their home was a model of cleanliness, orderliness,
and good taste. For cleanliness is not only next to godliness, as the
proverb says, but actually pertains to godliness when practiced from
supernatural motives, as it certainly was by the Holy Family; and as it
easily can be by anyone when practiced for sweet charity's sake. If God
will reward a drink of cold water given in His name, and will regard
what we do to the least of His brethren as done to Himself; then surely
He will look with approval on the pains we take to make our home
attractive to those with whom He wishes us to share it.
Ownership of One's Home
It will be
readily understood that the married couple that owns its home will be
more likely to be attached to it and more inclined to make it
attractive. For this reason all young couples should endeavor to own a
home of their own as soon as possible. The very fact that their
dwelling place is their own will give them a feeling of security and
independence that they can never have in a rented home. And when they
own the soil beneath their feet; when they need consult no landlord on
making improvements; when they have no fear of being forced by the sale
of their home to seek another dwelling place, their love for their home
will strike firmer roots and quite naturally give birth to the desire
to make it harmonize ever more and more with the home of their dreams.
Ownership of one's home, too, is the best guarantee against a life
spent in restless and ill-advised wandering from place to place. In
fine, it is the only surety one can have of enjoying the blessings of a
fixed abode, chief among which are a firm anchorage amid the
vicissitudes of life, a circle of true and tried friends, lifelong
associations, and that peculiar charm which in all civilized nations is
associated with the word home. Like the lowly cottage overgrown with
ivy, a home may be very plain and prosaic itself; yet to him for whom
it was the center of childhood's joys, youth's aspirations, and
manhood's struggles and achievements, it will always be beautiful with
the clinging ivy of fond recollections.
Effect of Mutual Love
The strongest
means, without doubt, of holding the family circle together is the
practice of mutual love between all members of the family. The
scriptural saying that charity covers a multitude of sins may be fitly
applied to the home whose poverty and consequent lack of material
attractions is more than compensated for by the unselfish love that
pervades it. Just as warm-hearted kindliness can light up and lend
charm to even a homely countenance, so it can also brighten a home and
by its almost magic influence transform a hovel into an abode of
delight This often explains why many a child finds the far more humble
home of a neighboring family more attractive than its own.
Feeding the Fire of Affection
Only too often
this congenial atmosphere is wanting in the home, not because the
inmates do not love one another truly, but because they do not manifest
their love sufficiently. There is a lack of the little courtesies and
amenities that are so powerful a means of fostering affection. Even the
most sincere and deep- seated affection must be fed, if it is not to
wither and fade. It is like the cozy hearth fire which must have fresh
fuel now and then, if it is not to burn low or go out altogether
Failure to heap the coals of kindness and sociableness upon the fire of
family affection is sometimes due to a naturally sullen disposition.
More often it can be traced to lack of training in that point; the
parents failed to foster sociableness among their children. Quite
commonly it is the result of preoccupation with other
affairs--business, social or private interests. At times, too, it is
due merely to oversight. Attention was never directed to the propriety
and advantage of cultivating habits of mutual kindliness, cheerfulness,
and good will; and in consequence there may be a touch of chilliness
and gloom about the home where an atmosphere of genial warmth and
sunshine should prevail. But, whatever the cause of deficient
sociableness in any members of the family, it can and it should be
removed.
Effect of Kind Words
The story is
told by the author of "The Man Who Was Nobody" of a man who never
thought of saving a friendly word to his wife and family. A friend
called his attention to the fact. He made it clear to him just how he
was acting and what an effect it was having on his dear ones, even
though they never complained. He listened to what his friend had to say
and agreed that he was right. He promised to begin to do better that
very day. That evening he went home a changed man. He greeted his wife
and children; he said nothing about business and the worries of the
day; at the dinner table he led the conversation. In every way he was
most considerate. After the meal was over he went so far as to put on
an apron to help dry the dishes. When his wife saw that, she broke
down. "What's the matter?" he exclaimed. "Oh, everything has gone wrong
today," she replied, "and to cap the climax you come home drunk." His
conduct was so affable, so different from what it had been, that there
seemed to be only one plausible explanation; namely, that he was drunk.
Politeness the Robe of Charity
If any of my
readers should be obliged to admit that their past conduct has
resembled that of the man in this story, they, too, no doubt will
decide to reform. For it needs only that it be pointed out for one to
realize that little attentions, little compliments, little words of
appreciation, encouragement, comfort, and cheer are dispensed with as
much propriety within as without the home. To mention but one instance,
should we not have a cheery good morning, a kind good-bye, a pleasant
word or smile of welcome, and a cordial good-night for the members of
our family just as well as for our friends and acquaintances? It is
quite true that politeness is not of the essence of charity. As
practiced by worldly people it is a purely natural virtue, and it is
sometimes used as a cloak for a very uncharitable disposition. But is
can be supernaturalized, and the fact that it is sometimes misused by
evil men is no reason why the good should disdain it. Because of its
exterior resemblance, politeness might well be styled the garment of
charity. And so well does this vesture become the queen of all virtues,
that charity never appears more gracious, never shows to better
advantage, than when arrayed in the charming robe of Christian
politeness.
Need of Occupations at Home
Despite the
attraction of pleasant surroundings and congenial companionship, the
urge to leave home during leisure hours may still be very strong if
there is nothing to do at home to occupy one's leisure. Here, then, is
another point that calls for attention in making the home attractive;
and among the various occupations conducive to that end I would assign
first place to the performance of certain tasks or the care of certain
things. Let parents begin early to develop in their children an active
interest in their home by assigning to each the care of a certain thing
and by teaching them to take pride in doing their part well. Thus once
could have the bookshelves to keep in order, or the library table;
another the dining room table; a third some pot flowers to water, and
so on; each one having the care of his own toys, shoes, and other
personal belongings. Outdoors, to one could be assigned the care of the
lawn or a part of it; to another a flower bed; to a third the walks or
the porch; and each garden to cultivate or at least a tiny patch to
weed and water. The keeping of a few chickens or other domestic fowl
would offer another interesting as well as useful occupation. And to
keep the children from growing one-sided as well as to revive their
interest, they could also take turns in the performance of certain
tasks, either every day or every week or every month, whichever way
might be thought best. Pet Animals
Then there are the pets--dogs, cats, rabbits, singing birds, parrots,
anything that will enlist the interest of the children and serve as
another tie binding them to their home. Interest in such things can be
developed to such an extent that children will sometimes rather forego
some other pleasure than leave home and neglect the things committed to
their care. To foster this interest, the parents themselves must show a
keen interest in their children's efforts, and always have a kind word
of encouragement, appreciation or praise for their achievements, no
matter how trivial and childish the latter may be.
Games and Toys
And finally,
though most of the occupations I have spoken of really constitute
excellent recreation if properly directed and not overdone, there must
needs be also sheer amusements-- pleasurable pastimes, undisguised
enjoyments, and care-free indulgence in interesting games. In these
days of the player piano, the phonograph, and the radio, not to speak
of the numerous playthings that electricity and other modern
discoveries and inventions have produced, this phase of the problem of
home life is not hard to solve. But even in those families that may be
too poor to afford such luxuries, there need be no lack of amusement;
for the old-fashioned games of lotto, dominoes, checkers, mill, cards,
authors, and parchesi, all of which may be had for a few cents each,
can still hold the interest of old and young alike. By one who has a
little skill, many of these games can be fabricated at home with hardly
any expense; and the fact that they are homemade often makes them the
more enjoyable. Indeed, it is a quite common experience that few games
are enjoyed more by children than those that are entirely their own
invention.
Not Too Many Inhibitions
There is just
one more bit of advice that I think should be given in this chapter and
that is: Let there not be too many inhibitions in the home! Those who
must guard against excess in this point are the mothers and the elder
sisters. It goes without saying that even the members of the family
will not enjoy staying at home, if they are not made to feel at home;
and no one can really feel at home, if he is hampered at every turn by
instructions and reminders not to do this and to avoid that. Discipline
and order there should be, of course; but it need not be the discipline
and order of the church or schoolroom. The very proximity of the walls
and ceiling impose a certain amount of restraint that is absent out of
doors; but it need not be the restraint demanded by the presence of
strangers. Yes, mother dear, and dear elder sister, train your dear
ones in orderliness and neatness and well-bred deportment; but let it
be done with the sweet reasonableness of a mother and sister, and not
with the tyrannical imperiousness of a Xantippe. If undue restraint is
placed on them at home, your growing boys and girls will soon find an
opportunity of escaping to more congenial places of amusement; and
then, instead of spending your evenings in the midst of a joyful, if
perhaps a little too noisy family, you will be left to keep late and
lonely vigils worrying over your wandering boys and girls and perhaps
over the head of the house himself.
Make Everyone Feel at Home
By all means,
then, let the home folks be made to feel at home. Let the father of the
house occupy the finest easy chair, even if he is not arrayed in his
Sunday clothes. Let the grown-up sons smoke in the sitting room or in
the parlor, even if the smoke does stain the curtains or the wall
paper. Let there be music and song and games at the time for
recreation, even if they are somewhat noisy. Let the children have
their own theatricals, if they like to; let there be an abundance of
clean wholesome reading matter, picture books, puzzles, and toys; let
the parents themselves join in or at least show an interest in the
amusements of their children, and the home will become so attractive
that there will rarely be any temptation to seek recreation elsewhere.
"Keep the home fires burning" is the slogan I would suggest to all who
are laboring for the reform of society. Instead of nightly faring forth
to the club, the theatre, the "movie" or some other place of amusement,
let the members of the family once more gather round the hearth,
whether to work, to study, to read, to amuse themselves or to pray.
Better far one such night spent in the bosom of the family and in the
atmosphere of a truly Catholic home than a dozen nights spent at the
club or the "movie," no matter how unobjectionable, educational and
inspiring.
A Voice in the Wilderness
Think not, kind
reader, that I do not realize (and oh, how poignantly!) that, in making
this plea, I shall be looked upon by the great majority as hopelessly
behind the times, and as making a futile effort to turn the current of
our modern age. But was there ever a more glorious battle fought for a
principle, or was there ever a more heroic stand made in defense of the
right than when the defender was faced by overwhelming odds? If, like
St. John the Baptist, I am but the voice of one crying in the
wilderness, at least I have the consolation of being in good company.
And if, like the early Christian apologists who raised their voices in
protest against the persecuting emperors, I may seem to be trying to
stave off the inevitable, I again find comfort in the fact that the
Church that the apologists defended still exists and exerts her benign
influence, while the all- powerful empire that persecuted her is long
since a heap of ruins.
God's Grace Still Powerful
It is true, the
Church is the work of God, and its preservation, its spread, and its
conquests have been accomplished more by the power of God than by the
wisdom and power of man. But so, too, is the family, and especially the
Christian family, the work of God; and if it is to accomplish its
God-given mission in the Christian home, it has less need of human
means than of divine. And therein precisely lies my hope. God's grace
is still active and still powerful; and it is solely through it and not
"by the persuasive words of human wisdom," that I hope to accomplish
any good through these pages. There are still well-meaning souls in
this wicked world; souls who want to do the best they can; naturally
Christian souls who long for something better, higher, nobler. It is to
these especially, and, more particularly still, to young wives and
mothers that I address myself in the hope that, as they read these
instructions and counsels, the grace of God will inspire them anew with
a strong desire and an earnest determination to make their homes models
of what a Christian home should be. Let them establish their homes on
the rock bottom of religion; let them cultivate prayer, foster good
reading, preserve a Catholic atmosphere in their homes and promote home
life, and, by the blessing of God their homes will become veritable
strongholds of the Faith, schools of virtue, abodes of peace and
happiness and love, which the angels of God will delight to visit, and
which God Himself will look down upon with pleasure and bless with a
foretaste of the joys of Heaven.
Continue:
Introduction
Chapter I: Necessity of
Religion in the Home
Chapter II: Prayer in the Home
Chapter III: Catholic
Atmosphere in the Home
Chapter IV: Good Reading in
the Home
Chapter V: Harmony in the Home
Chapter VI: Necessity of Home Life
Conclusion
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