CollegeCatholic
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Personality type: ISTJ
Posts: 2,412
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!
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« on: November 17, 2009, 10:49:PM » |
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As a sort of spin-off from my other thread.... I wanted to ask the Tank their thoughts on relationships, dating (or courtship, whatever), and things pertaining to that.
So, my first question pertains to the relationship existing:
What type of relationship do you think is best to have before dating someone? What type is most realistic?
The second question would be: Should the other person be a traditional Catholic?
As an anecdote. Out in my parts, trad. Catholics (and it seems practicing Catholics my age [single, at least...]) seem to be much like a rare thing. Should she be practicing Catholic, at the least? What are your thoughts on this?
And, finally, do you have anything else you might like to share? I've read the "Young Man's Guide" by Fr. Lasance, in addition to some other Catholic sources (from pre-1960s) on marriage, vocation, dating, and spouse-finding, so if you want to chime in with anything, that'd be great.
Thanks much!
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Gegrüßet seist du, Maria, voll der Gnade...
I shall love You, I shall love You always; when day breaks, when evening turns into night, at every hour, at every moment; I shall love You always, always, always. ~St. Gemma Galgani
Wie dein Sonntag, so dein Sterbetag...
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Walty
There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck.
Gender:
Personality type: Melancholic-Phlegmatic
Posts: 5,061
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« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2009, 11:18:PM » |
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----------------------------  ---------------------------- ---------------------------Lámh Dhearg Abu--------------------------- This is my hand. I can turn it. The blood is still running in it. The sun is still in the sky and the wind is blowing. And I... I, Antonius Block, play chess with Death. |
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albertaquinas
New Here
Posts: 4
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« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2009, 12:28:AM » |
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Take the advice of St. Paul: remain single.
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OCLittleFlower
Gender: 
Personality type: sanguine
Posts: 823
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« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2009, 02:42:AM » |
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Okay...I'm a girl, but I'll still put my three cents in (inflation is a male dog...more direct and predictable than a female dog, but bigger and nastier, with larger teeth).
Ideal relationship before dating:
There isn't one. However, I'm not a fan of "dating" in the modern sense, but more a fan of courtship. Now, realistically, family based courtship is hard to do in college because of families being so far apart and things. But it is a good idea to ask the father's permission, IMO...and not just to marry, but to date. Also, the purpose of courtship is to find a spouce, not to have fun or fool around or w/e. Yes, it will be fun, hopefully, especially if you develop a friendship, etc. I wouldn't marry a man I couldn't have fun with, who couldn't make me laugh. Those are things that I are too needed to be compromised, in my opinion.
So, what does this mean if one or both of you lives a bizillion miles from your families and it isn't easy to meet the parents and get to know each other in a family setting? It means that you have to have each other's best interests at heart, each other's purity as a main concern, and not go anywhere past peck type kissing, and even that should be postponed, IMO. Don't ask how close to sin you can take someone, ask how close to God you can help them go. Also, we subbed out very close friends for family in some ways...yes he went to great length to meet my family and all, but it wasn't possible to spend a ton of time with family...so we spend a lot of time in groups with like minded friends (Catholic and Prot...just purity minded friends).
Now, I met my fiance on the internet, on a secular site, on a dare from a friend to look for Catholic guys. I told my friend he was nuts, I wouldn't fidn anyone, I totally would never find a trad, etc, etc. I did, though. Now, Deusdark hadn't actually been to a TLM at that point, but had always wanted to, and totally fell in love with it on first site. He is more tollerant of the NO than I am, but this is mostly out of need, as there are not any TLMs that are close to where he lives, whereas I have several in easy reach. I don't think it's needed to date a trad, but it does help, and it does depend on who you think will give. I mean...do you really want to have to fight to go to a TLM on Sundays, to raise your children in a traditional community, etc? I personally wouldn't have dated anyone who wasn't trad or at least very orthodox NO who was open to trad. No praisetastic or chrasmatic types for me.
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Please excuse the typos. I often post from a mobile phone. @~~~~~ Engaged to my one true love :: 8/8/09 ![Daisypath Wedding tickers](http://dwdf.daisypath.com/pimnm8.png" width="400" height="80" border="0) |
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Herr_Mannelig
HIC SVNT SICARI SANCTIMONIALES
Posts: 11,192
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« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2009, 06:58:AM » |
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As a sort of spin-off from my other thread.... I wanted to ask the Tank their thoughts on relationships, dating (or courtship, whatever), and things pertaining to that.
So, my first question pertains to the relationship existing:
What type of relationship do you think is best to have before dating someone? What type is most realistic?
As long as it isn't sinful, it is ok. People can have many relationships, some very distant social or very close friends. Realistically, I think most people would know each other to some degree on a social level before dating to find out the necessary details to find out if they are even suitable for consideration. Remember, just because they look like a girl, it doesn't mean they are. Surprises are best found as soon as possible. The second question would be: Should the other person be a traditional Catholic?
As an anecdote. Out in my parts, trad. Catholics (and it seems practicing Catholics my age [single, at least...]) seem to be much like a rare thing. Should she be practicing Catholic, at the least? What are your thoughts on this?
Should be Catholic. In this modern day, I don't think the other should be traditional or even that good of a Catholic, as long as they see themselves as Catholic and try (and, you can help them, so everybody wins). And, finally, do you have anything else you might like to share? I've read the "Young Man's Guide" by Fr. Lasance, in addition to some other Catholic sources (from pre-1960s) on marriage, vocation, dating, and spouse-finding, so if you want to chime in with anything, that'd be great.
Thanks much!
It's a trap! |
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SearchingCatholic
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« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2009, 07:27:AM » |
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As a sort of spin-off from my other thread.... I wanted to ask the Tank their thoughts on relationships, dating (or courtship, whatever), and things pertaining to that.
So, my first question pertains to the relationship existing:
What type of relationship do you think is best to have before dating someone? What type is most realistic?
The second question would be: Should the other person be a traditional Catholic?
As an anecdote. Out in my parts, trad. Catholics (and it seems practicing Catholics my age [single, at least...]) seem to be much like a rare thing. Should she be practicing Catholic, at the least? What are your thoughts on this?
And, finally, do you have anything else you might like to share? I've read the "Young Man's Guide" by Fr. Lasance, in addition to some other Catholic sources (from pre-1960s) on marriage, vocation, dating, and spouse-finding, so if you want to chime in with anything, that'd be great.
Thanks much!
I think developing a friendship first is ideal. Then I would go with courtship instead of dating. But I have to object to the date only Catholics mentality. I wasn't Catholic when my husband met me, but I was passionate about God and always looking to learn more, go deeper. Now I won't pretend that my conversion to Catholicism was easy, b/c is most definitely wasn't! I had to over come many misconceptions and anti-catholic ideas. But I wanted God and if someone is open to God's leading and the Truth, they will eventually find the Catholic church and become Catholic. Now the joke of it is I am now more traditional than my hubby! Now, that having been said, I would still encourage my kids to look for a practicing Catholic 1st! |
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cgraye
Gender:
Personality type: Melancholic
Posts: 1,640
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« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2009, 08:15:AM » |
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What type of relationship do you think is best to have before dating someone? What type is most realistic? Well, you have to know her well enough to know whether or not she is the kind of person you want to date, right? So I'd say a basic friendship is important first. Don't wait TOO long, though - or you may get stuck in the "friend zone" forever. The second question would be: Should the other person be a traditional Catholic? Ideally, yes. This depends on you, really. If you are a gung-ho SSPXer, you're probably only going to be happy with someone else who is the same way. It just depends. Should she be practicing Catholic, at the least? What are your thoughts on this? Yes, and I really don't think you should compromise on this, unless it is absolutely necessary for some reason. Why? You wouldn't want to marry a non-Catholic or lapsed Catholic, would you? And you should never start dating someone hoping they will change later. As to the distinction between courtship and dating...is there one? I use the terms interchangably. Are you spending time with someone, learning about her and deciding whether or not she would make a good wife for you and you would make a good husband for her? Whatever you want to call it, that's what you should be doing. |
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« Last Edit: November 18, 2009, 08:18:AM by cgraye »
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Chris
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Walty
There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck.
Gender:
Personality type: Melancholic-Phlegmatic
Posts: 5,061
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« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2009, 09:11:AM » |
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Honestly, why be that good of friends with girls? I don't know... I have friends that are girls, but all of my best friends are guys. I had some pretty close friends that were girls in high school, but even then, we had known each other for so long that no one was interested in anyone else. I'm confused as to how often people seem to bring up how hard it is to transcend the "friend zone." When you meet a girl and begin hanging out with her (most likely with a group) you should be able to tell pretty darn soon whether she's interested or not. If she is great. Move accordingly. If she isn't... why keep hanging out with her?
I don't know... Once you are in college or older does anyone really care to get that close with a person of the opposite sex that they aren't romantically interested in?
I think generally the easiest way to go about things is to just live life and wait until someone is interested in you, but that's not always the chivalrous thing to do I guess.
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---------------------------- ---------------------------- ---------------------------Lámh Dhearg Abu--------------------------- This is my hand. I can turn it. The blood is still running in it. The sun is still in the sky and the wind is blowing. And I... I, Antonius Block, play chess with Death. |
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SoCalLocal
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« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2009, 09:36:AM » |
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What's wrong with just hanging out as friends first?
I see a problem today with people worrying about "courtship" and exclusiveness right from the first date. How about dating a few people casually to decide what's really important and what's not? Too often singles preject dates because they don't fit some ideal. How do you really know what's ideal if you've never dated anyone?
Guys will reject a nice woman because she's plain. Or skinny. Both of those are easy to fix. A gal will refuse to consider a guy with less education than herself. I dated one of those once. All she'd ever dated was pencil-necked programmers. Turned out she liked a guy who could fix things and open jars. Too bad she was nuts. But that's another thread.....
Go out casually, be friends, don't worry about marriage until at least the third date! You'll find out if she's hypercritical, selfish, vain, whatever soon enough, and there's nothing to break off because there was nothing to start with.
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Walty
There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck.
Gender:
Personality type: Melancholic-Phlegmatic
Posts: 5,061
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« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2009, 10:01:AM » |
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What's wrong with just hanging out as friends first?
I see a problem today with people worrying about "courtship" and exclusiveness right from the first date. How about dating a few people casually to decide what's really important and what's not? Too often singles preject dates because they don't fit some ideal. How do you really know what's ideal if you've never dated anyone?
Guys will reject a nice woman because she's plain. Or skinny. Both of those are easy to fix. A gal will refuse to consider a guy with less education than herself. I dated one of those once. All she'd ever dated was pencil-necked programmers. Turned out she liked a guy who could fix things and open jars. Too bad she was nuts. But that's another thread.....
Go out casually, be friends, don't worry about marriage until at least the third date! You'll find out if she's hypercritical, selfish, vain, whatever soon enough, and there's nothing to break off because there was nothing to start with.
I wasn't saying you should propose to someone right away. Quite the contrary. What I was saying is don't waste all your time hanging out with girls that you like, but won't like you back. Get to know girls. If they like you then progress and if they don't then just let it go. Just as a romantic relationship takes two people who both feel the same way, so does a friendship. |
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---------------------------- ---------------------------- ---------------------------Lámh Dhearg Abu--------------------------- This is my hand. I can turn it. The blood is still running in it. The sun is still in the sky and the wind is blowing. And I... I, Antonius Block, play chess with Death. |
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cgraye
Gender:
Personality type: Melancholic
Posts: 1,640
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« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2009, 10:09:AM » |
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You'll find out if she's hypercritical, selfish, vain, whatever soon enough, and there's nothing to break off because there was nothing to start with.
Oh ho, I disagree. It can take quite a while to identify bad qualities in someone, especially when you are both on your best behavior during those first months and when your feelings are trumping your good judgment. |
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Chris
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Iolanthe
Gender:
Personality type: INFP
Posts: 473
Should Be Working
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« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2009, 11:24:AM » |
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Guys will reject a nice woman because she's plain. Or skinny. Both of those are easy to fix. Gaining weight can actually be quite difficult...  |
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"You'll never get that taste
Out of your mouth
You'll never get the paw prints
Out of the hen house now
And you can't go back
Same way you came
Round all the pieces up
But they just don't fit the same."
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OCLittleFlower
Gender:
Personality type: sanguine
Posts: 823
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« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2009, 11:46:AM » |
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Guys will reject a nice woman because she's plain. Or skinny. Both of those are easy to fix. Gaining weight can actually be quite difficult... Oh I feel so awful for you, so, so awful!  |
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Please excuse the typos. I often post from a mobile phone. @~~~~~ Engaged to my one true love :: 8/8/09 |
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CanadianCatholic
Gender:
Personality type: CrAzY
Posts: 3,635
Kickin @$$ and takin names
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« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2009, 11:56:AM » |
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Guys will reject a nice woman because she's plain. Or skinny. Both of those are easy to fix. Gaining weight can actually be quite difficult... Oh I feel so awful for you, so, so awful! no doubt.... |
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Iolanthe
Gender:
Personality type: INFP
Posts: 473
Should Be Working
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« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2009, 01:31:PM » |
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Guys will reject a nice woman because she's plain. Or skinny. Both of those are easy to fix. Gaining weight can actually be quite difficult... Oh I feel so awful for you, so, so awful! no doubt.... I'm the one who's being rejected for being too skinny! |
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"You'll never get that taste
Out of your mouth
You'll never get the paw prints
Out of the hen house now
And you can't go back
Same way you came
Round all the pieces up
But they just don't fit the same."
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