Philosophy Jokes

[Tinuviel]

Hope this doesn't lower the level of this forum too much, but this is my favorite philosophy joke ever. Thought some of the rest of you might have a few to share as well. 

One day, an angel descended upon the American Philosophical Association conference. The angel said, "you can ask me one question, and I will tell you the answer." The philosophers asked if the angel could come back the next day so that they could have time to formulate a good question. The angel agreed.

The philosophers considered several options: "what is the meaning of life?" ,"why is there something rather than nothing?", but none of these questions were satisfactory.  Finally, they arrived at the following question:

"What is the ordered pair whose first member is the best question to ask and whose second member is that answer to that question?"

They were filled with glee at their cleverness and they posed the question to the angel the next day. The angel answered:

"The first member is the question you just asked and the second is the answer I am now giving."

Then the angel went away.


 


On a related note, this is my favorite Jesuit joke:

Two Jesuit novices were in the chapel praying. One wanted to smoke, so he went and asked his superior if he could smoke while he prayed. The superior said no. The second novice, who also wanted to smoke, saw this, but decided that he may as well try asking the superior anyway. He spoke to the superior for a moment, returned to his place and lit a cigarette. The first novice of course wanted to know what he had said to the superior. "Oh. Nothing in particular. I just asked if I could pray while I smoked."

[Texican]

[Herr_Mannelig]

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


Plato:                For the greater good.

Karl Marx:            It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:          So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
                      as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
                      boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
                      among them has the strength to contend with such a
                      paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the
                      princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates:          Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
                      pancreas.

Jacques Derrida:      Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
                      within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
                      each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
                      intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
                      is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:        Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
                      would let it take.

Douglas Adams:        Forty-two.

Nietzsche:            Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
                      gazes also across you.

Oliver North:         National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner:         Because the external influences which had pervaded its
                      sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
                      fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
                      believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung:            The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
                      necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
                      this historical juncture, and therefore
                      synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:     In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
                      the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:  The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
                      objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came
                      into being which caused the actualization of this
                      potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein:      Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
                      the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle:            To actualize its potential.

Buddha:               If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
                      nature.

Howard Cosell:        It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
                      events to grace the annals of history.  An historic,
                      unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
                      such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
                      homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali:        The Fish.

Darwin:               It was the logical next step after coming down from
                      the trees.

Emily Dickinson:      Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus:             For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:  It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe:    The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway:     To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg:    We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
                      was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume:           Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson:      'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
                      reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:   What road?

Ronald Reagan:        I forget.

John Sununu:          The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
                      transportation, so quite understandably the chicken
                      availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx:           You tell me.

Mr. T:                If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau:  To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
                      out of life.

Mark Twain:           The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard:           It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea:         To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer:              So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth:           To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather:        I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Keats:                Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake:                To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello:              Jealousy.

Dr Johnson:           Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
                      you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
                      Need to resist such a public Display of your own
                      lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher:         This chicken's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet:       There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde:          Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
                      town ought never expose one to such barbarous
                      inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
                      road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
                      chicken in question.

Kafka:                Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
                      insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift:                It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
                      filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
                      to question the actions of one in all respects his
                      superior.

Macbeth:              To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead:            Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
                      misplaced concreteness.

Freud:                An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet:               That is not the question.

Donne:                It crosseth for thee.

Constable:            To get a better view.

[Oldavid]

.Ah! Just brilliant!
 Thanks for the very clever laughs.  I wish I could contribute.

[Herr_Mannelig]

.Ah! Just brilliant!
 Thanks for the very clever laughs.  I wish I could contribute.

Google for jokes and find the ones you like

[DesperatelySeeking]

Col. Sanders: " I missed one?!?!?"

[Padre_Ricardo]

I hope you won’t mind if I add another Jesuit joke:

Once there was a teenaged boy who had a paper route that he covered on bicycle.  One day, he decided that he wanted to drive a Lexus.  As he passed the Franciscan friary on his route, he saw one of the priests outside.  He stopped to talk to him.

“Excuse me, Father.  Will you pray a novena so that I can get a Lexus?”

Father asked, “What’s a Lexus?”  The boy explained, and Father answered, “No, I won’t.  I will pray that you will work hard and be thrifty, but I won’t pray for you to have a Lexus.”  The boy, somewhat disappointed, went on his way.

There was a Dominican priory on his route.  He saw one of the priests outside, and decided to ask him for prayers.  “Excuse me, Father.  Will you pray a novena so that I can get a Lexus?”

Father asked, “What’s a Lexus?”  Once again, the boy explained, and Father gave him an answer similar to the one that he had received from the Franciscan priest.  The boy went on his way.

Toward the end of his route was a Jesuit community.  As he approached, he saw one of the priests outside.  He rode up and posed his question again: “Excuse me, Father.  Will you pray a novena so that I can get a Lexus?”

Father asked, “What’s a novena?” 

[Texican]

One of these days, I'm going to learn to not read any posts while drinking coffee...

One of these days...

[Padre_Ricardo]

Thanks for a good laugh, Texican.  One good turn deserves another!

+1

[Texican]

Panasonic Toughbooks - they had me in mind when they made them...   

[Louis_Martin]

[Texican]

[Herr_Mannelig]

Bill Clinton: It depends on what you mean by the word "it".

[Vetus Ordo]

Bill Clinton: It depends on what you mean by the word "it".

 

[WhollyRoaminCatholic]

Voltaire: To be is to do.
Descartes: To do is to be.
Sinatra: Do be do be do.