Guilty Frustration

[Kephapaulos]

Please pray for the soul of the mother of a friend of my mother's. She is going to die most likely very soon.

 

Anyway, I titled the thread Guilty Frustration really because I must also ask that you pray for me. I am very frustrated right now by something that is not really important. Really what frustrates me more inside is the fact that (as you can all relate probably) I live around so many ignorant people. And that is not to put them down, but it is just a fact that we know that ignorance has run amuck for our fellow Catholics since Vatican II. What bothers me most is that my own parents, who I thought would have been wiser than me in that area are not exactly, not to put them down. They just do not understand.

 

Another thing is that I think I may have what is called Asperger's syndrome. My mother brought that to my attention when she thought maybe I have a little bit of autism, but it seems that Asperger's syndrome is on the autistic spectrum. We think maybe this is so because I show certain symptoms of it. I am very much to myself a lot, I do not always find ease with socializing with others, I forget things a lot, I really do not like being interrupted when I do something I need to finish, I simply do not associate much with others in my immediate vicinity, I do not show emotion too often, I really get bothered when an object gets out of place and I want to put it back, and and I am in a constant state of depression.

 

I also have found it hard to follow the fourth commandment then as well because I do not know how to deal with the differences between me and my parents. I tend to look at not just my experience but also try to look at things objectively, while it seems to me that my parents are simply going by their experience and the fact of their age. I do not want to disrespect my parents, but I want to please God.

 

Please pray for me, everyone. :(

[creimann]

There is a risk with these psychological models that they will drive your thinking, if you believe in them. There is no reason why those traits need to be combined into a model, and doing so may exaggerate them in your mind. Treat them as minor faults, not as part of a larger pattern. With prayer and confession, faults can be left behind.
 

[miss_fluffy]

I agree with Creimann.  Your very minor faults sound more like  habits/personality traits.  Both of which can be worked on,  improved, or seen in a positive light.
 
  The characteristics of depression/ insulation that you speak of are  definitely habits.  In general, most people don't get out  enough.  Time in the sun, time spent doing things that are  rewarding are essential to a healthy mind.  You may tend toward  introversion, which makes you a good candidate for scholarly  studies. 
 
  In my own experience, I once had a job where I had no contact with  people, it was me and a computer.  After a while I found myself  preferring to be alone.  I began to have difficulty relaxing and  having normal conversations with people.  This is all totally  opposite to how I was when I was younger.  But later, I started to  make efforts to be around people more, practiced relaxing around  them.  And now I prefer to be around people.
 
  I don't know if this is really how it is for you or not.  I will  pray for you that you get this stuff sorted out.  I think you can  still disagree with your mother and father while you honor them,  especially at your age.
 
 

[creimann]

And don't feel like you have to tackle all of your minor faults and foibles at once. The great pagan philosopher Ben Franklin suggested working on one at a time, rotating through them. I think he thought once every four weeks, work on a different one, for thirteen virtues per year. Who knows, maybe the old pagan was right.
 

[creimann]

heh, I can't leave you with the paltry humanistic musings of a pagan philosopher. One problem with psychology is that its paradigms can mask the far richer spiritual truths of our holy religion. Psychology tends to reify in a false way aspects of spiritual growth. And it is growth toward God that we seek, not pleasing psychologists. (I really cannot stand psychology.)
 
 A classic conception of the progression in the spiritual life is that we go from the purgative way (the beginning, in which we are working to be healed of greater sins) to the illuminative and hopefully then to the unitive ways. A terrific book to consider is Guidance in Spiritual Direction by Rev. Charles Hugo Doyle. Just reading about the book can give you some idea of this progression.
 
 I think that as we work on our sins, even if our character faults are not direct expressions of them, our character faults may dissipate somewhat. Perhaps as we turn toward God things that used to bother us are less bothersome, even if it was not a result of a specific sin of ours that they were bothersome in the first place. As we sin less, we love more completely.
 
 Another encouraging note: It is possible to advance in the spiritual life without having regular access to a priest (outside of confession). We do this by standing on the shoulders of giants--we read good books. This one by Fr. Doyle gives lots of good advice for many faults one may have.
 
 

[Kephapaulos]

Well, this past weekend there were some problems though that I had with my parents. Someone at my indult chapel lent me a video on a Benedictine Monastery somewhere in France that has the TLM. Now, I asked my parents if we could all see it last night since I had to return to today, and I had not seen myself yet either. Once the video started showing how the consecration is done in the TLM, my parents start making a big deal about it because it is done in silence, and then it went downhill from there. They called me closed-minded, they say I have problems with my faith, and they said this and that to me. Now the real issue was me going to attend the NOM Easter Vigil, at the parish my mother works at, with them in two weeks. I declined of course, and they got mad. They think there is something wrong with my indult chapel, but there was nothing going on and that I do not understand them. They always point to really just their experience and the fact that they have more years than me. I do not understand why they cannot think objectively though either or see that there is something bigger than us and our own experiences. You have to consider also that my mother is a Director of Religious Education, and she has been working in the catechetical area for more than 30 years. Sadly, she does not understand. The thing about me having attended at her present parish during the past seven years is that I was a teenager when I had first down so, and in a way, I had to do it too. It was the usual thing then that I did attend Christmas and Easter with my parents. Now I understand some of the things going on in the Church, and I am older too and can make my own decisions. I am 22 years old. For one thing, it is not a requirement that I necessarily have to attend Easter Vigil. Still, the same thing happened like this past Christmas. My mother cried and was not understanding where I was coming, although I could not explain to her what I was talking about. This happened today. I do not know exactly what I should though. Also, my mother then started again to give me the guilt trip and compare our situation to the Wedding of Cana. Of course, I do not recall Easter Vigil being a wedding. Indeed, I told her that the only way I could go with them to a NOM is if there was a wedding or funeral. They keep putting this thing of family at me too to try to give me guilt, but how can I grow if they will not stop trying to keep me attached all the time? For one thing, I may be still stationed at their house, but I should be able to make my own decisions in some things. I know I am still dependent on them otherwise for certain things, but I am going to be getting further away from that soon in good time. Please pray for me then, and that I find a good job this summer and get my school business and finance stuff done soon this week, if possible.

[creimann]

Friend, I don't know how to comment fully on all that you have said. I do think though that it would not be wise to extrapolate from the social disputes over religion any conclusion that you may have some 'disorder'. Religion touches people deeply, and disagreement there can make people quite uncomfortable.
 

[Kephapaulos]

The thing is I was not even trying to get them to suddenly be traditionalists at all. I made a mistake in seeing the video WITH THEM. I should have foreseen their misunderstanding. I knew it, but I forgot. My mother had said she might go to talk to one of the priests at my indult chapel (he is a Vatican II supporter) and even write to our Archbishop (The thing is though my mother does not realize or know really that the Archbishop has ever so often recently talking to the indult chapel community. In fact, I heard today that if the group can either find a parish or build a certain location, then there will be a priest sent from the FSSP or ICK to tend the Latin Mass Community. This was a concession made by the Archbishop who was once a member of Opus Dei.) I do not know what to do though. This is why I have been keeping to myself and avoiding many. They will not understand. They do not listen. Not that I am the best listener in the world either, but I do have a good ability to listen and observe for which I thank God Himself. One can only sometimes listen or observe one thing at a time. I also am a deep thinker, and my thoughts can be quite distracting from when I listen or observe. Please again pray for me, all.

[Kephapaulos]

Something more I have to say:

 

You see, when in the video, my parents saw the consecration at a TLM, and they think the priest is "saying it to himself." They conclude that if Christ said it out loud, then the priest has to do that. Then they go ahead and say that Christ did not have the first Mass and sort of said that we invented the Mass. My parents are just not making sense, while I know I do not make sense to them.

 

This morning, my mother goes and puts me on the guilt trip like this too in that "I have not seen the poor or someone dying" kind of thing. Again, this being fooled by appearances in that you have to be materially poor and that always has to be part of your ticket to heaven it seems.

 

[creimann]

By the way, is this about you not wanting to go to a Novus Ordo mass? Are you saying that your mother wants to write to a bishop and somehow address your reluctance to go to the Novus Ordo mass? The thing is, if you're willing to go to an Indult mass, you may as well be willing to go to a novus ordo mass. The Indult is granted only on condition that one accepts the novus ordo. The Indult assumes the novus ordo, behind the scenes, and often explicitly as well. (For example, often the communion is actually from the Novus Ordo. And the priest is generally required to agree not to criticize Vatican II, the new mass, etc.)
 
 For myself I have decided that I'm finally unimpressed by arguments that there is no consecration at the new rite of mass. I thought for a while that Apostolicae Curae implicitly condemns the novus ordo, but a lot of bright people have been thinking about these issues for a long time, and this argument is made by precious few solitary voices. Many people who seem to be familiar with a wide variety of sources laugh off the idea entirely. (For example, in a recent thread HMiS argued that AC is not a meaningful condemnation of the novus ordo rite of ordination. So it may as well not be a condemnation of any of the other rites.) It isn't that I felt certain that there is no consecration, I just felt, for a time, that there was a problem between AC and the NO. Perhaps, I thought, there is at least a spiritual communion for the faithful congregants. But in the end it seems fatuous to suppose that there is actually no consecration. In his opus Iota Unum Romano Amerio nowhere suggests this. Other scholars have also not concluded that there is no consecration.
 
 So it seems to me that you can go to the Novus Ordo. Is it really sacriligious? That's a pretty big word. I don't think anyone there really means any harm. I think there is a delusional tendency toward humanism and rationalism, but I think it is still a mass. I don't think it's worth a breach in your family over. I know Our Lord said there would be divisions in families, but in your case it sounds like everyone's Catholic. It isn't like you're Catholic but your mom's Wiccan, or you're dad's pagan. So I think you can go to the NOM even beyond just weddings and funerals.
 
 Before people jump on me, which is virtually certain, I would like to mention that the view I have expressed is probably the majority view on the board. Many posters seem reluctant to say that they would never go to a NOM. Many of them come to us while they are in RCIA, and they don't leave the RCIA convinced that after all they're being led down the path to error.
 
 Anyway it's an interesting topic. A good way to convince me that I should avoid the Novus Ordo is to show me that Apostolicae Curae offers a meaningful condemnation of the novus ordo rites. Citing some scholars who think so would be an additional help.
 
 Anyway my advice: Don't create a breach over avoiding the Novus Ordo: by going Indult you're already novus ordo anyway. Second, don't extrapolate from your experiences with religious disagreement that you may have a psychological disorder. Read good books about spiritual development instead.