mixed faith marriage

[Archbishop_10K]

Because a trad woman wanting to avoid the evils of mixed marriages will be looking for a "trad man." Now, what are "trad men" like? There are beautiful trad men, like Eric, KJVail, and a gazillion others around here -- and then there are other, self-described "trad" men who latch on to Tradition not so much for Tradition itself and for the Truth thereof, but because it's is ONE way of getting "a woman who isn't the nagging, selfish feminazi" that feminism dictates women should be. Women have to be extremely cautious in not conflating those two types of men, because that latter type of man -- who IS out there -- will make her life a living hell. I know this because I talk to women who married such men, and it BREAKS MY HEART.

 

REAL trad men are NOT like this -- but avoid like the PLAGUE any self-described "trad" man who has that misogynist, authoritiarian (as opposed to authoritative-in-a-Christian-manner) streak, who mistakes his headship for license to be a bastard. Though this is NOT, I don't think, the "norm," there are enough of these men out there for me to be very concerned for women.  

That's very depressing to hear, Vox, but it makes me want to ensure that I give any woman I marry, if I do in the future, the proper dignity she deserves, as Christ would do. Thanks for the warning.

 

Also thanks to Charlemagne, but I always thought the negative impact of mixed marriage was, well, common sense.

[Charlemagne]

unfortunately common sense ain't all that common

[VoxClamantis]

BTW, Charlemagne, I didn't mean to sound harsh, but some of the stories I have heard truly DO break my heart. I could cry a long time thinking about the lives of some of the women -- women I truly care about a LOT -- who have found themselves feeling totally trapped. It just kills me.

 

I am sure the same sort of thing can happen to men, too -- marrying a woman who has a lot of baggage. People just have to be careful!

[Charlemagne]

agreed.  No harm done what is the forum for if not debate.

[VoxClamantis]

That's very depressing to hear, Vox, but it makes me want to ensure that I give any woman I marry, if I do in the future, the proper dignity she deserves, as Christ would do. Thanks for the warning.

 

 

My two cents, for both men and women is this: men are just people, and women are just people. If it would hurt you or p*** you off, chances are if would to the same to them. Just love, sacrifice for, EMPATHIZE with, and TALK to the other with genuine concern, and all will be well.

 

Also thanks to Charlemagne, but I always thought the negative impact of mixed marriage was, well, common sense.

 

Charlemagne summed it up: common sense isn't so common. But think of how mixed marriages negatively impact a BILLION things, from how to spend Fridays, and Lent, and Christmas, and all the holy days, and daily devotions, and Sundays and  what to tell the children about sex/love/marriage/death/suffering -- I just don't see how a Catholic could at ALL think it wise to marry a non-Catholic. My heart goes out to those who married and THEN converted... Such pain there must be in not being able to totally share the most beautiful thing in the world with the person you love most.

[Charlemagne]

Catholics looking to enter upon marriage should take as much care as one would take over a vocation to holy orders after all both require taking life long vows.

[Guadalupe]

Vox said:

My heart goes out to those who married and THEN converted... Such pain there must be in not being able to totally share the most beautiful thing in the world with the person you love most.

 

 

Or having this most beautiful thing in the world denigrated and rejected by the the person you love the most. This is my marriage right now. I went from sorta wiccan/agnostic (and liberal) to a full conversion and to trad in less than a year. Sufficed to say, my poor dear husband is just a little confused, and we have really been struggling with this. I just thank the Lord that he is essentially a good man, who is a good provider and feels strongly about having a stay at home mom and homeschooling the kids. It's a start.

[Suscipe]

Great discussion.

 

Varus asked:

 

What about "mixed" marriages between trads and NO Catholics? Ican easily foresee some problems that might occurr.

Anyone who knows something about that?

 

That is the situation I am in now.  It is difficult.  Strangely, it is in many ways more difficult than when DW was protestant and I was a secular Jew.  We had much less to argue about.  I wanted her to raise our kids - then just one - Christian but had no interest in matters of faith.  When we both converted and became NO Catholics I leap-frogged her and took a much greater interest.  Now that I consider myself a traditional Catholic and she remains attached to our local NO parish we do have problems.

 

For instance, yesterday I accompanied her to the NO Mass as I do every month when our DD sings in the choir.  I tried very hard to behave but, with DW being sensitive to my reactions, problems occurred.  While people were still in line for communion, the lector interrupted the silence to announce, "as we approach the table lets us sing One Bread, One Life."  I let out an ‘Al Gore’ sigh, which DW later used to label me as judgmental and overly critical.

 

An even better example would be what happened after the NO Mass.  In the narthex a table was set up for parishioners to sign up to attend a seder to reenact the Last Supper.  DW and DD ventured into the parish hall to talk while I spent the next thirty minutes arguing with the people at the table explaining how offensive the seder is and why it is illicit.  I am nearly certain that I convinced a few people of how wrong it is for Catholics to participate in even a fake seder.  Well, the person I didn't convince was DW, who thought I made a spectacle.  “ I could hear you all arguing from 40 yards away.”

 

So the problem in our instance is that the NO Catholic thinks the trad is judgmental and prone to public admonishments.

 

In the home we have no problems.  We have similar instincts about popular culture and our duties as Catholics.  Our devotions are different but I do not judge her in any way.  She is saintly in my book and I am blessed to be married to her.

What kinds of problems can you foresee Varus?

[miss_fluffy]

So the problem in our instance is that the NO Catholic thinks the trad is judgmental and prone to public admonishments.

 

 

I think this might have more to do with her being a woman since she agrees with your sensibilities at home.  I have a similar experience with my friend Bob who is very traditionally minded and going through RCIA with me.  He is always having these reactions and wanting to start arguing where I wish he would just relax.  Even though I'm traditionally minded, as a woman, I think I prefer not to make a stink (I realize that not all women are like this).  But I also highly value his gusto in this regard.  Maybe just let her know that as a husband, it is your duty to defend the truth.