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Author Topic: Nun-run Hospice helped dying man lose his virginity  (Read 1915 times)
VoxClamantis
Guest
« on: January 29, 2007, 02:24:PM »

From the UK's Telegraph:

  

 

Hospice helped dying man lose his virginity
By Stewart Payne
Last Updated: 2:05am GMT 27/01/2007

 

A young disabled man who receives care for his life-limiting illness at a hospice run by a nun spoke yesterday of his decision to use a prostitute to experience sex before he dies.

Sister Frances Dominica gave her support to 22-year-old Nick Wallis, who was born with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Sufferers usually die by their thirties.

Mr Wallis told staff at the Douglas House hospice in Oxford that he wanted to experience sexual intercourse. He explained that he had hoped to form an intimate and loving relationship with a woman, but his disability had acted as a barrier.

He told The Daily Telegraph: "It was a decision two years in the making and I discussed it with my carers and my parents. Telling my mother and father was the hardest part, but in the end they gave me their support.
 

"There are many aspects of life that an able-bodied person takes for granted but from which I am excluded.

"I had hoped to form a relationship when I went to university, but it didn't happen. I had to recognise that if was to experience sex I would have to pay for it out of my savings. My mind was made up before I discussed it with anyone else."

The hospice staff, after taking advice from a solicitor, the clergy and health care professionals, decided to help him.

"I found an advert from a sex worker in a magazine for the disabled," said Mr Wallis. "The initial contact was by email and then by phone."

It was arranged for the prostitute to visit his home in Northampton. "My parents went out," he said.

"It was not emotionally fulfilling, but the lady was very pleasant and very understanding. I do not know whether I would do it again. I would much rather find a girlfriend, but I have to be realistic."

Mr Wallis has decided to talk in public about his decision as part of the BBC documentary series about life inside Douglas House and its associated hospice for children, Helen House.

"I have done so in order that people may understand the issues that face people in my situation. I suppose some people may be judgmental."

He said he did not discuss his decision directly with Sister Frances, who founded the two hospices. "But I know she gave me her support."

Sister Frances described Mr Wallis as "delightful, intelligent and aware young man".

"I know that some people will say 'You are a Christian foundation. What are you thinking about?'. But we are here for all faiths and none," she said.

"It is not our job to make moral decisions for our guests. We came to the conclusion that it was our duty of care to support Nick emotionally and to help ensure his physical safety."

Mr Wallis's story can be seen on The Children of Helen House, BBC2, 10pm Tuesday

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aquinas138
Member

Gender: Male
Location: Sandy Springs, GA
Posts: 1,870



« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2007, 05:38:PM »

This is the killer:

Quote from: VoxClamantis
"It is not our job to make moral decisions for our guests."


What is wrong with people?  No, Sister, it isn't your job to make moral decisions for your guests, but you ought make them for yourself - like choosing not to facilitate and be party to mortal sin.

Lord, have mercy!
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Sicut canis qui revertitur ad vomitum suum, sic imprudens qui iterat stultitiam suam. (Prov. 26:11)

Esse nihil dicis quidquid petis, inprobe Cinna:
si nil, Cinna, petis, nil tibi, Cinna, nego. (Martial 3.61)
batteddy
Guest
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2007, 06:57:PM »

She is an Anglican, by the way, before this goes any further:

 

Quote
 

Sister Frances Dominica founded Helen House 20 years ago in the grounds of All Saints Convent, Oxford, where she was mother superior. It is now the 29th hospice in a nationwide chain. Sister Frances has brought comfort to countless families suffering the terminal illness and death of a child. This Anglican nun is an inspirational figure who combines a kindness with financial nous, organisational flair and the steely authority of a chief executive. On a trip to Ghana in 1989 she adopted a baby, Kojo, and stepped down as mother superior to bring him up in a house in the convent grounds. Despite her work she remains an extraordinary optimist.

 

Helen House is an Anglican institution.

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batteddy
Guest
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2007, 07:03:PM »

Hmm...well, there are certainly a lot of stories and tv shows and stuff that talk (either seriously or jokingly) about needing to lose one's virginity before one dies as if dying a virgin is the most pathetic thing that can happen to a young man.

Sadly, that's where our culture, especially our young male culture, is at.

In primitive cultures, I guess it is sort of understandable. Although among the primitives, sex is still linked (like it should be) with procreation...so it not so much dying "a virgin" which they frown upon, but dying childless (otherwise, in their thought, you don't leave a legacy). But we need to remember that as Christians we can rise above the natural order of natural legacies, and leave legacies of faith, hope, and charity. And need to teach people that there are more important things than perpetuating their bloodline (though from an evolutionary perspective it is an understandable urge). But there are more important things than having children (like making sure those children get to heaven).

So that is the anthropological basis of it. But in a culture where birth control has made sex so detached from reproduction (this young man didn't say he wanted a son before he died, afterall, he wanted sexual intercourse)...the vestigial remnant of the urge is rather bizarre and sad.

We need to try to bring back the Truth that dying a Virgin is one of the most glorious things one can die as...along with dying a Martyr and a Doctor.

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Rosamund
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« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2007, 10:09:AM »

I feel for the young man. I got the impression from reading his words that what he really wanted was a loving relationship with a woman, but since he failed to get that, he was settling for sex. It seems clear from his reaction to the experience that he was disappointed, as anyone with sense would expect. It would have been much kinder of these "nuns" to talk to him about the holiness of virginity.

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HailGilbert
Member

Posts: 2,754



« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2007, 07:15:PM »

Quote from: Rosamund

I feel for the young man. I got the impression from reading his words that what he really wanted was a loving relationship with a woman, but since he failed to get that, he was settling for sex. It seems clear from his reaction to the experience that he was disappointed, as anyone with sense would expect. It would have been much kinder of these "nuns" to talk to him about the holiness of virginity.


But being "modern Anglicans", that would seem too "Papist" or "Medieval" or "old-fashioned": hence, a greater evil than what they allowed.
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"The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected." - G. K. Chesterton
Rosamund
Guest
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2007, 08:30:PM »

Yeah, too repressive. We must be realistic. We must be compassionate. We must be respectful of people's felt needs. A chicken in every pot and a hooker in every cot, I say.

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mojomama
Guest
« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2007, 08:40:PM »

Quote
I feel for the young man. I got the impression from reading his words that what he really wanted was a loving relationship with a woman, but since he failed to get that, he was settling for sex.

 

I think you probably had it right here, Ros.  About thirty years ago, I lived in a fairly rough neighborhood in a big city.  On the corner was a little bar that had strippers on the weekeknds.  I regularly saw disabled vets park and make their way down my street in wheelchairs or on crutches to the corner.  I couldn't help but think how sad that women overlooked them because of their disabilities.

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Rosamund
Guest
« Reply #8 on: January 30, 2007, 08:47:PM »

A similar experience is recounted at www.pacificnews.org/marko/sex-surrogate.html. The disabled young man who wrote this article also chose to hire a woman with whom to lose his virginity (in this case, a "sex surrogate," a sort of combination sex therapist/prostitute whose services can be legally hired in California). I found this article very poignant, and it made me think a great deal about how Christians should deal with this kind of loneliness, especially in such a hyper-sexualized culture. Warning: There is a fairly explicit sex scene.

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HailGilbert
Member

Posts: 2,754



« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2007, 12:03:AM »

Quote from: Rosamund

A similar experience is recounted at www.pacificnews.org/marko/sex-surrogate.html. The disabled young man who wrote this article also chose to hire a woman with whom to lose his virginity (in this case, a "sex surrogate," a sort of combination sex therapist/prostitute whose services can be legally hired in California). I found this article very poignant, and it made me think a great deal about how Christians should deal with this kind of loneliness, especially in such a hyper-sexualized culture. Warning: There is a fairly explicit sex scene.


Very poignant story, Rosamund. I can sympathize with his loneliness, but not with his actions. Sexual activity is only to be within the bonds of Holy Matrimony. And yet the longing to be loved by someone in that way is intense.

Quote
It took me years to discover that what separated me from them was fear -- fear of others, fear of making decisions, fear of my own sexuality, and a surpassing dread of my parents.  Even though I no longer lived with them, I continued to live with a sense of their unrelenting presence, and their disapproval of sexuality in general, mine in particular.  In my imagination, they seemed to have an uncanny ability to know what I was thinking, and were eager to punish me for any malfeasance.  

 Whenever I had sexual feelings or thoughts, I felt accused and guilty. No one in my family had ever discussed sex around me.  The attitude I absorbed was not so much that -- polite people never thought about sex, but that no one did.  I didn't know anyone outside my family, so this code affected me strongly, convincing me that people should emulate the wholesome asexuality of Barbie and Ken, that we should behave as though we had no "down there's" down there.  



Sounds very much like the typical heretical Puritan/Jansenist household. And with his physical disability, it only made matters worse. I mean, he lived in an iron lung much of the time for four decades. Nearly forty years! All because he contracted polio when he was six. How horrible.

And yet, as it says in his mini-bio, he was against euthanasia. And his "twin passions" were baseball and Shakespeare.

Quote
O'Brien spoke candidly on film of his struggle to overcome loneliness. "You can't make someone love you -- you have to be lovable yourself," he said, adding that he wasn't convinced he knew how to do that.

Man, that is a powerful phrase. Quite powerful. I have such struggles with that in my own life, that is being lovable. Being born with a melancholy temperment doesn't help matters much.

Quote

It was his sense of longing that connected him so powerfully with others, said PNS executive editor Sandy Close. "He demanded and expected very little, and maintained a sense of wonder about everything good that came to him."

In "Breathing Lessons," O'Brien acknowledged his gratitude to his parents, Helen and Walter O'Brien, for the care and love they gave him. He remained at home until he was 27.

"His Catholic faith -- a portrait of the Virgin of Guadalupe hung always within sight -- sharpened his humor and left visitors wondering who was crippled, Mark or themselves," said Close.

"Disability causes me to believe more strongly in a duality between body and spirit," he said in "Breathing Lessons," "...cause if I'm a soul, I'm just as good as you. And if I'm a body, then I'm up (expletive) creek, ain't I?"


He was probably a Novus Ordo guy. May he rest in peace.


 
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"The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected." - G. K. Chesterton
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