I don't know where to put this

[DominusTecum]

I'm not even saying it's a bad thing because it kept me in the Church.

This sentence, I think, is key... The symptoms you "describe" could happen just as easily in any other isolated setting as in the SSPX. Blaming it on "religious atmosphere" is a bit much. However, I can certainly sympathize. When I was in elementary school, I had been there since kindergarten, had grown up there, and was everybody's best friend. My class only had 28 children, but I was friends with all of them. I guess you could say that when I was in 6th grade, I was a sort of budding "social tycoon," or something.

Between 6th and 7th grade, I moved to a school in Missouri, and I thus began junior high school there. It was a much larger school (180 students in my class) and I didn't know a soul. Needless to say, this was rather arduous and traumatic, and though by the time I was in high school, I had made some friends, none of them were really good friends. Because of all this, I can assure you that I tend to be more shy and reserved now than I naturally was when I was, say, 11 or so.

However, I can very easily see that all of this was definitely for the best, and I thank God for it. I know from family members who still live in the little town where I attended the elementary school that virtually all of the "Class of 2005" went down a very bad path. If I had remained there, I would A) not have become a Catholic, because the circumstances which set me on that path would not have arisen, and B) would have become enmired in a worldly lifestyle which would have surely caused me to lose my soul. My cousin, who grew up with me and remained in that little town, is now in the state prison, to give you a small example.

Furthermore, it was also in God's providence that I did not "fit right in" at the Missouri school. If I had done so, I would have undoubtedly lost my soul there, as well, because at that time I was a protestant, and did not have the knowledge, will, or desire to resist the worldly lifestyle that was prevalent. As it was, my isolation (which distressed me to no end, I might add) served to protect me from a lot of that, and if I had not been thus protected, I would assuredly have enmeshed myself in various vices so that I would have elected not to become a Catholic, when the option was put in front of me by God, because I would have resisted the call to live a morally correct life.

I am not saying that your situation and mine were similar, but I am certainly saying that you were very greatly graced to have attended an SSPX school and parish from your youth, and that you were therefore undoubtedly protected from things which would have certainly worked against your soul, had you been exposed to them. God, in His providence, has all things under control, and the saying that "All things work for good for them that love The Lord" is certainly a correct one.

[Catholicmilkman]

I'm not even saying it's a bad thing because it kept me in the Church.

This sentence, I think, is key... The symptoms you "describe" could happen just as easily in any other isolated setting as in the SSPX. Blaming it on "religious atmosphere" is a bit much. However, I can certainly sympathize.....

That's exactly what I was trying to say, it's the isolation. The social atmosphere, may I even say the culture, which is isolated (for the most part) from all other societies. We cannot and should not hermetically seal ourselves off from the world but that is the attitude I get from many who attend SSPX chapels. We are somewhat like an Amish culture. I do not mean to blame the religious atmosphere at all. It's the most Catholic ethos I can see but we lack an inviting skill, many times just small [once common] courtesies. We have the big things down but not the small things such as affection and compassion.

[DominusTecum]

Certainly, there are trads who need some help learning to be compassionate. Certainly, there are trads who are strange and isolated. Just as certainly, there are trads who are saints, and trads who are very fervent, very apostolic, friendly, and yet manage to exist in today's world without imbibing its errors.

The fact of the matter is, a certain prudence does dictate that we don't act like "everyone else." We aren't everyone else. Everyone else is quite content to "live a normal life," to do whatever is in vogue, and what everybody else is doing, what is now even subtly "required," in order to have a normal, non-stressful life in the modern world. The thing is, though, that many of the activities, lifestyles, and small pastimes which are engaged in by these people are quite contrary to Catholicism, and Our Lord's command trumps, by far, any considerations of ours about "taking our ease" or "fitting in." Being a Catholic in our time isn't easy.

I don't just throw around "in our time" for the fun of it, I mean it. While "the world" has always existed, and has always been dangerous, our society is unprecedented in post-flood history with its antipathy towards both natural virtue and Christian virtue. The cultural revolution, combined with all of today's modern technology, has completely revolutionized our world, our formerly-Christian culture, and the mentality by which most people view their surroundings. It's not just about "the Mass," and it's not just about "traditional dogma and theology and faith." It's about the entire way we live our lives -the faith is by far the "head of the lance," the most important part of our lives, and the Mass is the crowning jewel and perfect expression of the faith, but it's everything that is under assault, and this sort of withering attack can't be met by saying "alright, we need to be open, embrace the world more, and just make sure that the catechism is taught well." A military commander doesn't, out of common sense, defend his fort by saying "alright, we'll open the gates and let the enemy come in, we'll just make sure he doesn't get into the chapel."

You're probably imagining that this is all rather pie-in-the-sky, so I shall try to give you a concrete example, in the form of mass media. Mass media, contrary to what your average, half-ignorant, half-uncaring guy out there in the world thinks, is not benign. It is controlled by powerful liberal forces, and everything that's said is said in such a manner as to convey certain ways of thinking and opinions. The music that is played, the news that is chosen to be reported, and that which is rejected as being not "newsworthy," the tone of voice of the reporter, the words she uses, all convey little shades of meaning, and a person watching television (and to a lesser degree, listening to the radio) is in such a state that they will generally take all of this in without casing and rejecting too much of it. This is highly dangerous, because you cannot trust the viewpoint which these sources use. Consequently, the logical and safest solution is not to watch the television news, and to get your news from other sources, or simply do without and hear things by word-of-mouth, as pretty much everyone did until the advent of the mass media as such in the 19th century.

However, by separating yourself from 99.9% of the world by refusing to watch the news, you've just "isolated" yourself to a great degree. You're no longer like everybody else, you no longer fit in. You are, as the world would tell you, "becoming an isolationist." Now, you have good reasons, unarguable reasons, for doing what you've done, because your love of truth and love of Our Lord come first, but the world thinks you're strange. Catholics do not fit in. We fight, or at least we beg God for the grace to do so. A "seige" mentality is quite natural to the Catholic religion, because it's "us versus the world," and in our time, "the world" is both more powerful than ever before, and is virtually everyone around us.

It's entirely possible to have non-Catholic friends, and to be social, and all that good stuff, but that does not come before our Holy religion, and we mustn't forget it. The fact that we are, de facto, isolated somewhat from all the modern culture and society is not in and of itself an indication of a "lack of charity" or a "strange and bad isolationist attitude." It is, rather, an indication that there are a lot of trads who have, Deo Gratias, seen fit to place the good of their souls above the good of their bodies, as unpleasant as that might sometimes be.

[LuciaRosa]

Of the temperament "tests" I've done they've all said that I'm mostly melancholic...

I wish I could be a hermit.

From what I've heard, that's a very typical melancholic wish, but usually it's not good for them. The Latin Mass magazine recently ran a series of articles about the temperaments, and apparently the most important virtues for a melancholic to practice are fortitude and eutrapelia (the opposite of melancholy, apparently). It's easier to practice those with people around, it seems to me.
Anyway, you have my best wishes and prayers for whatever you decide to do.

[OLRansom]

What if I said, "Yes, the SSPX definitely brainwashes its people.  No question.  No exceptions."

Then, an SSPX adherent (for lack of a better word) would likely respond, "No, they do not do such a thing."  Which is expected, especially if they had actually been brainwashed.  Perhaps another SSPX adherent, presently a little more aloof from the crowd, or an ex-SSPX-er (for lack of a better term), comes forth and says, "Sure they do, or at least they did at the chapel I frequented."

These times are incomprehensibly dangerous, and there are so many flourishing cults of personality that it is jolly frightening.  Even if some/most SSPX priests do not operate in a way that is "brainwashy", I imagine some do - as this type of (often unconscious) desire to completely control others is native to some men as an effect of fallen human nature.  So is the (often unconscious) desire to be manipulated/brainwashed.

God and His holy angels guard and guide you, today and always. 

[AdoramusTeChriste]

What if I said, "Yes, the SSPX definitely brainwashes its people.  No question.  No exceptions."

If you said that, you would be lying.

[Johanna]

I know what your getting at.  I felt the same way as a teenager, though it was more related to the family I grew up in than my religion.  Traditional Catholicism can be isolating, as can any all-encompassing philosophy.  From what I  understand, the emotions you describe are pretty normal  for someone with a melancholic personality. Moreover, they seem pretty normal for someone who has been fairly limited socially in general, as was I.  I am not sure exactly how old you are, but here are some of the thoughts that helped me, though keep in mind, In spite of having had melancholic inclinations, I have a strong choleric streak. 

     I decide what I think, and if I agree with them it's because they were right, not because they told me.

     Most people don't care what I think, nor do they think about me much.   

     CS Lewis had some points in Mere Christianity, even though he thought he was writing about Anglicanism. There is a point where you have to see people as people, and people that God loves too.

     A lot of people feel just as out of place and shy as I do.

     If someone seems to slight me or insult me, often it is unintentional , and even if it isn't, there is no point in dwelling on it.

     Actions create emotion and character, if I wish to change , I must act as I wish to be.

Like I said....choleric, but anyway, I  hope that helps.  When you look for a job I found it helps to plan out everything in you head first, it's frightening because they're judging you, but it's not in a bad way, just tell them what they want to hear. Maybe you don't have much experience, but you will work hard and be reliable, mostly that's what they look for.   And remember, it is not good for man to be alone.  It's not just about women, humans are meant to be social creatures.  I don't mean to sound bossy, (though I often do) but perhaps some of that will be useful to you.

God bless!     

[Johanna]

Reading back over my post, I sound  a bit pompous, but I guess that my point is that I think that even if you were influenced as a child to think in a isolationist or even cultish way, that is not so important now.  You're an adult, you decide how to think now.  If you don't like the way you are, then change.  Sometimes it is helpful to know how you got the way you are, but it's not useful to dwell on it too much.  Generally, your influences were very good, they taught you to believe in absolute truth, to love God, to pray and go to mass, and they taught you that these things are very important.  Not everyone is so lucky.   That's my opinion, anyway, since you asked, I do love to give it.

[OLRansom]

[If you said that, you would be lying.

Agreed. 

Well, you can rest content knowing that I would not ever say such a thing - as I believe ought to have been rather plain from the rest of my post - for it is far too sweeping a statement, in far too serious a matter.

[Tradglad]

 I am obviously not a supporter of the SSPX. You didnt say how old you are. I would say you need to sit down and read and study. There are many horro stories out there about the SSPX. If you feel you have been brainwashed into a SSPX only thinking, you might want to talk to a Traditional priest outside the order.As some have said...I am sure there are extremes within the SSPX community as well as well meaning priests offering the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and giving solid Catholic teaching. As in any group,organization, cult or system, There is the "party" line. I encourage you in your faith journey.