Why do men hate going to church?

[Jarrod_D]

We have been told by the feminists that the Church is a “boys only club,” which oppresses women and promotes only masculine world views. I have recently been reading a David Murrow book entitled “why men hate going to church,” in which he claims that the feminists are completely wrong. Sure all of our priests are men (and the majority of Protestant ministers) but as he adequately explains: Churches are full of women. He uses the analogy of a white cake with chocolate frosting; sure on the outside it appears to be chocolate cake, but in reality it is white cake. Same thing with the Church, it appears to be male-dominated, but when we look deeper we see that the average parishioner at any Christian church tends to be women and the ideals promoted there feminized.

The whole message of popular Christianity has been feminized and as such it is repellent to men. We read about Jesus’ compassion, but never his run-in’s with the Pharisee’s. We hear about how Jesus accepted everyone, not so much when he kicked the money changers out of the temple. Christianity is for women and children; it is a place for nurturing, compassion, acceptance, hugging, holding hands etc.. The reason men don’t go to church is the same reason they don’t wear pink: it goes against their masculinity.

Although Murrow is a Protestant and his observations are with Protestant denominations I think most of the stuff he has said is dead on the money at our local Novus Ordo Churches. Most of us will agree that women run most NO parishes. They are the majority on every committee, run every education program and have a way of forcing a pastor in doing whatever they want.

Confrontation, taking a stand and having firm beliefs are all part of the male pysche, none of this is found at your local Novus Ordo parish. Well, not at any of the Novus Ordo parishes around here. The main focus is building community and making everyone feel welcome. Everyone should feel the love of Christ (they will know we are Christians by our love etc.) and because men are not normally ones who express feelings too well, they feel out of place there. John Wayne would not worship at my local feminized parish.

My question is: does the Tridentine mass promote a culture conducive to masculinity? Would your average John Wayne worship at a Tridentine mass? Do you think there is as big of a gender gap (we expect some gender gap because of mortality rates) in the Tridentine communities as there is in the Novus Ordo and Protestant Churches?

Jarrod

[Jarrod_D]

Also: do you think this is the reason why vocations are down? If church is viewed as a woman’s thing or as a domain for children, don’t you think adolescent males would desire to cut their ties with it in order to gain manhood?

Also: would it be a safe thing to say that most priests exhibit feminine qualities? Do you think this is why manly priests are so popular … Father Corapi comes to mind …

Jarrod

[Spooky7272]

I know that when they allowed girl altar boys that the boys stopped wanting to serve.

[Archbishop_10K]

I think you make some good points, but I don't know if traditional worship can always be said to be more masculine. Sometimes the traditional vestments look "feminine" with the flowers and lace and everything else. Example:




On the other hand, one thing I'm wondering about is why almost all Catholic chaplains I've met in the U.S. military are thoroughly NO, when (in my opinion) the Tridentine rite more naturally appeals to a soldier's sense of precision and attention to detail in drills and ceremonies. Perhaps it's because traditional Catholicism had gotten too "flowery" by the time of Vatican II?

[MikeSearson]

The reason men don’t go to church is the same reason they don’t wear pink: it goes against their masculinity.
I would disagree.  Being a Good Catholic in the modern world is one of the most masculine things you can do.  I think that most men just can't be bothered with the administrative type stuff that a Church needs or we're too busy supporting our families.  Jesus was not a wimp.  The Church is not for wimps.

My question is: does the Tridentine mass promote a culture conducive to masculinity?
Yes.

Would your average John Wayne worship at a Tridentine mass?
Absolutely.

Do you think there is as big of a gender gap (we expect some gender gap because of mortality rates) in the Tridentine communities as there is in the Novus Ordo and Protestant Churches?
No. At most NO Masses I've seen what you describe" a 60/40 to 70/30 Women to Men ratio.  At the TLM I see it more 50/50

Also: do you think this is the reason why vocations are down?
Nope.  That's another topic altogether.

If church is viewed as a woman’s thing, don’t you think adolescent males would desire to cut their ties with it in order to gain manhood?
Absolutely not.  I'd say other reasons, but not that one.

Also: would it be a safe thing to say that most priests exhibit feminine qualities?
No, some, perhaps...but not most.

Do you think this is why manly priests are so popular … Father Corapi comes to mind.
Father Corapi is a good priest but his background has been embellished somewhat.  I excuse it in the name of giving a good lesson, however.

[CarolusMagnus]

In the words of my younger brother he doesn't like going to the NO because it is gay.

While I wouldn't go that far I can see where he is coming from, and as it is in the teenage years that most of our Catholic youth are lost I think it is about time someone in the Church starts to take notice and introduce them to our traditions and history instead of responding by increasing the hippy rubbish or holding rock concerts in a belief that it will some how make mass and been a Catholic cool and thus more appealing.

[miss_fluffy]

I think there's something about men feeling "pushed around" by women who are in leadership positions.  I also think women in leadership are more likely to push touchy-feely handholding stuff that makes men, especially adolescents feel really out of place.

[Jarrod_D]

Jesus was not a wimp, my point is that in most parishes Jesus is portrayed as such and it repels men. The idea of "faith," and its expression in the normal Catholic parish is considered feminine by most guys. You are not active in the mass, nor do you exhibit deep faith, unless you know everyone’s name, how many kids they have, shake their hands, hold hands during the Our Father … its all about relationships (think how LOUD these parishes are), this is what repels most manly men.

Although the Tridentine mass can be viewed as flowery and feminine with all the lace, the atmosphere is different. The Church is silent, this is not a place for socialization, it is a place where I come and do my duty in front of God. I don’t hug anyone, I don’t have to know them, they don’t know me and when the mass is over we all leave in silence.

[Marty]

In the words of my younger brother he doesn't like going to the NO because it is gay.

[HMiS]

Flowers and art are not feminine.

It is artistic.

Only in our age are men supposed to be metal concrete loving robots. This is not correct either.

Men hate going to church before of the modernist fluffy unclear messages and the fact that they cannot concentrate upon one thing very long if it is not active and demanding (the Old Mass ís demanding).

They are easily bored and they do signal contradictions and unfitting behaviour and sermons. Women are inclined to be more towards the emotional side of things, swallowing fluffy sermons if the preacher or preachess at least mentions how cute the little baby was or how nice the skirt or pants of the woman in the anecdote were.