Self-Mastery

[AnonymousFishEater]

So I'm in the process of making my dead faith, into a living faith. That is to say, I'm trying to bring my lifestyle in accordance with my faith.

I unfortunately began this habit at a very young age, not knowing any better. I kept it secret, and it has evolved into something horrible over the years.

I've been trying to end my addiction to masturbation/pornography. I've been going strong for sometime now, and going to mass and confession helps tremendously. I'm at a point now however, where the urges are so strong that I'm sexualizing almost everything. A thud from another room conjures up bad images, the mere sight or sound of any woman causes my mind to stray, even women who I would otherwise find to be not particularly attractive. I'm even afraid to look at our lady and I find that to be the most scary (Lord have mercy!)

Normally of course I don't think this way, but this is the first time in my life (since puberty came about) that I've gone this long without doing the deed and my mind is going haywire.

In the past I fed on the message that this was normal and healthy, and my "Catholic" education is partly to blame. Though now I take full responsibility.

Praying to St. Michael is helping, and I couldn't have made this far without his help. But I need some more practical advice. In the meantime I'm keeping my mind occupied with school work as finals are quickly approaching, and this is helping, but I can't keep busy forever.

Any prayers or help would be appreciated.

[brotherjuniper]

I've been there, believe me, and I struggle a great deal with sins against purity.

You're doing the right thing by going to Mass and Confession. Keep going because that will help to strengthen your faith immeasurably. If you can get to a daily Mass every morning, then do that. If you put in your two cents, God will do the rest and He will reward you abundantly for your efforts.

One of the things that has helped me tremendously is the sacramentals. The St. Benedict Medal is very powerful against these kinds of temptations. Get one and get it exorcised and blessed by a priest, wear it around your neck, and commend yourself to St. Benedict. The same goes for Miraculous Medals.

I also highly recommend that you read part of the Divine Office or the Liturgy of the Hours. It's something that will help you to deal with your temptations. It will not be easy at first and it might be extremely difficult, but persevere and keep going. God will give you the grace that you need.

Finally, pray the Rosary and add some prayers to St. Joseph.

God bless,

Brother Juniper

[LaRoza]

Don't give up.

I recently found this (poorly designed but good) site: http://www.couragerc.net/chastity.html

I also suggest the Rosary. Say it first thing in the morning (after taking care of things that can't wait) or at night, or the decades throughout the day.

I also recommend sacramentals. You can never (well, don't quote me on that, I'm sure its possible) have too many reminders around. A crucifix on your monitor, over your bed, around your neck, etc will probably help a lot.

I also recommend books. The Bible of course, Secret of the Rosary and True Devotion to Mary by Saint Louis De Monfort, and anything you can get your hands on. Books by the saints are very helpful, as they can give you hope as they are humans just like you.

Keep busy. Make rosaries, pray them, volunteer for things, etc. Force of habit is a hard thing to break, but you can.

I mention making rosaries because I do, and it is very relaxing and absorbing.

[brotherjuniper]

Also, pray to saints that renowned for their fight against impurity. I especially recommend that you pray to St. Aloysius Gonzaga, who practiced purity to a heroic degree.

[stjude]

OK, I'll probably get shouted down for this, but I'm going to put in my own two cents based on my own experience.

The sex drive is extremely powerful, and like it or not, it's part of our biology. Stopping masturbation is not like giving up cigarettes. I've read a hundred posts on Catholic websites assuring that all we need to do is simply "give it up. Just stop today, and never do it again." Usually they add, "That's what I did." Well, maybe some men are able to do that, but for a person who has developed the habit of regular sexual release, especially through self-pleasure, it's not quite so easy. I quit smoking cigarettes "cold-turkey" and it worked. The urge for sexual release is a lot stronger than the urge for a cigarette, though. Trying to quit masturbating "cold-turkey" can cause the same obsessiveness and even perversity that you are experiencing. Like a long-time alky "drying out," your body (and mind) will fight you tooth and nail (and neuron) and can result in sexual fantasies even over images of attractive female saints and the BVM.

Brother Juniper and LaRoza gave some excellent advice, as has my priest, who advised me to "keep busy." Boredom is a key factor leading to self-abuse of all kinds, whether through sexuality, drugs, alcohol, or violence. Find fulfilling things to do, and go to bed tired at night. If you tend to look at provocative images on the 'Net or TV, don't turn them on, particularly at times of the day or week when you are most susceptible. Access the Internet in the morning, before going to work or class, because that way you will have to turn it off at a certain time in order to leave. This will limit wandering around between sites, which often leads to viewing lustful pictures. Find a news source, whether on the 'Net or TV, that doesn't have provocative ads or segments.

Here is the controversial part. I suggest setting goals for abstinence. If you are masturbating daily, reduce it to every two days. Once it is no longer a problem staying chaste for two days, go to three. Then four, and so on. Your body has become used to a certain schedule of release, and even generates a proportional amount of semen, thinking that you are busy "spreading your seed," perhaps in an effort to populate a small country! As you reduce your demand, your body will cut back on its supply. Keep extending your periods of abstinence until you have reached true control. This will probably require great effort and patience, and you will suffer some setbacks, but you obviously already know that you need to perservere. If you set short-term goals that you can realistically reach at the beginning, you will see progress and will not so readily fall victim to despair.

[LaRoza]

Here is the controversial part. I suggest setting goals for abstinence. If you are masturbating daily, reduce it to every two days. Once it is no longer a problem staying chaste for two days, go to three. Then four, and so on. Your body has become used to a certain schedule of release, and even generates a proportional amount of semen, thinking that you are busy "spreading your seed," perhaps in an effort to populate a small country! As you reduce your demand, your body will cut back on its supply. Keep extending your periods of abstinence until you have reached true control. This will probably require great effort and patience, and you will suffer some setbacks, but you obviously already know that you need to perservere. If you set short-term goals that you can realistically reach at the beginning, you will see progress and will not so readily fall victim to despair.

That can be good advice, but I caution against looking at it soley from this perspective. In other words, don't give up hope if you lapse, but don't get complacent about them.

[StevusMagnus]

        Overcoming the Masturbation Habit

http://couragerc.net/PIPMasturbation.html

[Fidelis]

OK, I'll probably get shouted down for this, but I'm going to put in my own two cents based on my own experience.

The sex drive is extremely powerful, and like it or not, it's part of our biology. Stopping masturbation is not like giving up cigarettes. I've read a hundred posts on Catholic websites assuring that all we need to do is simply "give it up. Just stop today, and never do it again." Usually they add, "That's what I did." Well, maybe some men are able to do that, but for a person who has developed the habit of regular sexual release, especially through self-pleasure, it's not quite so easy. I quit smoking cigarettes "cold-turkey" and it worked. The urge for sexual release is a lot stronger than the urge for a cigarette, though. Trying to quit masturbating "cold-turkey" can cause the same obsessiveness and even perversity that you are experiencing. Like a long-time alky "drying out," your body (and mind) will fight you tooth and nail (and neuron) and can result in sexual fantasies even over images of attractive female saints and the BVM.

Brother Juniper and LaRoza gave some excellent advice, as has my priest, who advised me to "keep busy." Boredom is a key factor leading to self-abuse of all kinds, whether through sexuality, drugs, alcohol, or violence. Find fulfilling things to do, and go to bed tired at night. If you tend to look at provocative images on the 'Net or TV, don't turn them on, particularly at times of the day or week when you are most susceptible. Access the Internet in the morning, before going to work or class, because that way you will have to turn it off at a certain time in order to leave. This will limit wandering around between sites, which often leads to viewing lustful pictures. Find a news source, whether on the 'Net or TV, that doesn't have provocative ads or segments.

Here is the controversial part. I suggest setting goals for abstinence. If you are masturbating daily, reduce it to every two days. Once it is no longer a problem staying chaste for two days, go to three. Then four, and so on. Your body has become used to a certain schedule of release, and even generates a proportional amount of semen, thinking that you are busy "spreading your seed," perhaps in an effort to populate a small country! As you reduce your demand, your body will cut back on its supply. Keep extending your periods of abstinence until you have reached true control. This will probably require great effort and patience, and you will suffer some setbacks, but you obviously already know that you need to perservere. If you set short-term goals that you can realistically reach at the beginning, you will see progress and will not so readily fall victim to despair.

First of all, thanks for the advice. I have to say though, that I've tried this method in the past, several times. I find however that the goals were causing more problems. If say I'd try and stay clear for a week, on that seventh day i'll do the deed, regardless if I actually had strong desires that day - i'd use the target date as an excuse. Also, by keeping it as a sort of "option", whenever I came across times of stress i'd just tell myself "just this once" and sure enough, i'd slip back.

I recently quit cigarettes cold turkey, though my addiction wasn't that serious at all (a pack and half a week), but more troublesome has been rejection of marijuana.

haha, oh man, am I messed. Jesus help me!

[Fidelis]

Here is�the controversial part. I suggest setting goals for abstinence. If you are masturbating daily, reduce it to every two days. Once it is no longer a problem staying chaste for two days, go to three. Then four, and so on. Your body has become used to a certain schedule of release, and even generates a proportional amount of semen, thinking that you are busy "spreading your seed," perhaps in an effort to populate a small country! As you reduce your demand, your body will cut back on its supply. Keep extending your periods of abstinence until you have reached true control. This will probably require great effort and patience, and you will suffer some setbacks, but you obviously already know that you need to perservere. If you set short-term goals that you can realistically reach at the beginning, you will see progress and will not so readily fall victim to despair.

That can be good advice, but I caution against looking at it soley from this perspective. In other words, don't give up hope if you lapse, but don't get complacent about them.

This is the attitude I'm trying to take. I've attempted this so many times, that I've realized my biggest mistake is using my lapse as an excuse to do even more.

[Fidelis]

        Overcoming the Masturbation Habit

http://couragerc.net/PIPMasturbation.html

Awesome, I'll be sure to read it. Thanks a ton.