Help with situation of an old traditional friend.

[Catholicmilkman]

That's traditional Catholic girl from my SSPX elementary school has married outside the Church. I love her or I thought I did away, I love her, of course, in that I want her save her soul. But I just don't know what to do now, because I so wanted to married her for the longest time and I still do really. I just don't know so many things though. I don't want to reck a marriege because I so really love this Institution of Christ's. But what if it's not a real marriage. This is a really strange situation because I had forget about her somewhat and I'm wondering now if it was around the time she got but I feel compelled in conscience to say something to her. O, what am I to do?

Our Lady, Help of Christians, help me to know what I ought to do.

P.S. I wasn't even able to sleep last night and had a hard time finishing my Rosary when and after these thoughts came to my mind. This is not good, I feel. I don't want to lose my soul over this.

[frerejacques]

Son, she's a married lady. It's not up to us to speculate about whether or not that marriage is valid.  If you want to help save her soul, include her in your prayer intentions along with everybody else for whom you pray.  In the physical realm, keep a wide berth.  Maybe start a novena to St Philomena.  If you want, I'll do it with you.  Just let me know when you'd like to start.

[Belloc]

Pray and hope in Mercy......we do not have all the facts and do not know the heart....

[fridayer]

Ask GK to give you some sanity in this matter.

Praying.

[Catholicmilkman]

So you all think I should take no direct intervening action with this friend whom I so loved and love, as if there was nothing I could do to influence personally?

[Catholicmilkman]

Son, she's a married lady. It's not up to us to speculate about whether or not that marriage is valid.  If you want to help save her soul, include her in your prayer intentions along with everybody else for whom you pray.  In the physical realm, keep a wide berth.  Maybe start a novena to St Philomena.  If you want, I'll do it with you.  Just let me know when you'd like to start.

Well, it's not like I haven't seen it from that side, frere. But, according to my traditional priest, she is not really married since she was Catholic and knew that she could not marry outside the Church. Her marriage is absolutely invalid, he said, anyway you look at it. That leaves me with a greater hope, especially with direct personal influence though prayer is good and must even come first, I feel intervention is necessary and that is not really me because I'd rather not, this I think is coming from either God or a devil. How do I discern this spirit?

[Rex_Tremendae]

Son, she's a married lady. It's not up to us to speculate about whether or not that marriage is valid.  If you want to help save her soul, include her in your prayer intentions along with everybody else for whom you pray.  In the physical realm, keep a wide berth.  Maybe start a novena to St Philomena.  If you want, I'll do it with you.  Just let me know when you'd like to start.

Well, it's not like I haven't seen it from that side, frere. But, according to my traditional priest, she is not really married since she was Catholic and knew that she could not marry outside the Church. Her marriage is absolutely invalid, he said, anyway you look at it. That leaves me with a greater hope, especially with direct personal influence though prayer is good and must even come first, I feel intervention is necessary and that is not really me because I'd rather not, this I think is coming from either God or a devil. How do I discern this spirit?

Sounds difficult... try to lose all your emotions before discerning. Being unemotional gives you a clear head.

[QuisUtDeus]

How do I discern this spirit?

Is your primary motivation your romantic love for her or concern for her soul?  Be honest with yourself when answering this question to yourself (don't post a response - it's a thought question).

If it's romantic love, then obviously it is not necessarily evil because that is one way to get motivated to do good (help her spiritual state), but it is not out of Christian charity.

If it is romantic love, then that puts you in a position where you may do something wrong out of selfishness.  For example, causing problems with her marriage that go beyond talking to her about the spiritual danger - like calling her husband a "bum" or something.

It's tough to be honest with ourselves.  Here's something to provoke more thought:

Ask yourself: "If I am truly concerned for the good of her soul why would I want to intervene in the marriage rather than trying to convince her husband to convert and in that way save two souls?"

You need to discern your motivation - which is a key indicator of the spirit.  That is something that a spiritual director or confessor will probably be a great help with.

Until then, best not to act IMO.  Our motivations often guide our actions, and our actions are what can get us in trouble, so pure motivations are the best way to start.

[mikeh]

It is not at all the mentality of the Church to desire to see a couple that didn't have a canonically valid marriage to break up-entirely to the contrary. It's the desire of the Church that couples such as these  understand what Christian marriage is, receive the Sacrament of Matrimony, and live together until death.

My parents were first married outside the Church (my father was Cath, my mother was Prot) and his parish priest (who my father named me after) kept reminding my father that it was his duty to marry in the Church-not to break up with her! A few years later my mother converted, and they were married in the Church. My father respected this priest so much that he named me after him.

This whole business of speculating about who has a 'real marriage', and desiring someone else's spouse, regardless of what kind of union that that person may have, is basically a sin against the Ninth Commandment, and will get you into nothing but trouble.

If you care anything about her at all, pray that she and her spouse will understand truly what Christian love is, will be married in the Church, and will fulfill their duties as a Christian couple.  

[frerejacques]

Son, she's a married lady. It's not up to us to speculate about whether or not that marriage is valid.  If you want to help save her soul, include her in your prayer intentions along with everybody else for whom you pray.  In the physical realm, keep a wide berth.  Maybe start a novena to St Philomena.  If you want, I'll do it with you.  Just let me know when you'd like to start.

Well, it's not like I haven't seen it from that side, frere. But, according to my traditional priest, she is not really married since she was Catholic and knew that she could not marry outside the Church. Her marriage is absolutely invalid, he said, anyway you look at it. That leaves me with a greater hope, especially with direct personal influence though prayer is good and must even come first, I feel intervention is necessary and that is not really me because I'd rather not, this I think is coming from either God or a devil. How do I discern this spirit?

I feel like Quis and mikeh said everything that I would have liked to say in response to you, only they worded it a little better.   Also, if you have any thought at all of making her your wife, you should disclose it privately to the priest with whom you are having these discussions about her marriage.