To BF or not, that is the question...

[verenaerin]

   
Warning- highly hormonal post 

   With my first two children I was unable to BF. I read all the books, went to class, knew my ob practices lactation consultant by name. I pumped till I bled (and then pumped some more), I took the baby to breast, drank tons of water, went to LaLeche meetings, also went on Reglan etc. Both ended up with very bad jaundice, my son lost 1.5 lbs by day 5 and almost ended up in the NICU. Had prolactan labs done- they were ok, not terrible but not really high (64).
   Basically nothing ever came out. With all the pumping I got at the very most a third of an ounce in a 24 hour period. Doctors don't have any answers, they just say "I guess you just can't". The lactation consultants had no answers. With my first I did this for 2 weeks and then gave up. With my son I only lasted a week. Between nursing and pumping, there was no break. I was truely up for days and days. I don't know how they expect you to rest when you are supposed to do both.
   Not being able to BF my kids put me into a terrible depression. Writing this now just makes me cry. I hate making bottles. I hate everything that it represents. I know that I take this way out of proportion. For some reason I can't get over it. And the comments from some women at MAss over me bottle feeding don't help. If I say I can't, I can't. I don't want to give a run down of everything I have done. But I've gotten comments like"Maybe next time if you really want it... maybe you should have just tried harder... you know it can help you lose weight..."
   With this pregnancy I am having a lot of breast tenderness which I hadn't before. I can't help but think that maybe this pregnancy will be the one. Everyone thinks I am nuts. My husband is ok with trying but not if I have to pump. I don't know if I should try. If I try and it doesn't work ...I don't want another sick baby. Plus I don't know if I can handle giving up. I am wondering if I should just work on realizing that this is the way it is and that is it. It might be better not to try then to try and fail again. Plus, if we did try, there would have to be a lot of wt monitoring to make sure I am not starving the kid (for the third time). I need to have some type of a plan before I go in.
   

[dakotamidnight]

I'd try - it really is better. Do the weight monitoring - I know babies r us used to sell a baby scale for around $40 which would allow you to do a before and after nursing weights to see how much they are getting.

That being said, don't beat yourself up if you can't.

And if it does happen again - have your doc check your thyroid. I know when I was nursing my supply cut out fairly suddenly at 4 months, and it was all my thyroid.

[upswife]

If you are up to trying again then do it...try to nurse on demand, and not pump...too much will stress you out and that can effect milk production too. But if you can't it is no biggie...you will know if it is working or not. We all have our trials and it really is no one's business why you bottle feed...it like people asking if we wanted any more kids when our youngest (at the time) was 4yrs old. They all assumed that we were not trying when in fact I had 3 misc. Try to be charitable and if you need have hubby run interference for you.

Try not to let your hormones overwhelm you, I will pray for you and your babies!

[Joan of Arc]

I think the key thing Dear, is try not to stress too much (I know, easier said then done). I am a La Leche Leader: Most of our Leaders are great. You might have had the misfortune of hooking up with one (or maybe even several) who are not. It happens.

You sound like you are trying everything that you should. Tenderness in the breasts (depending on how far along you are) can definitely be a sign that your milk production for this baby might be a lot higher. As to thyroid, keep it monitored. I have low thyroid (take levothyroxin) and thyroid plays an important role in milk production. These natural approaches might help too. I have had woman I have helped have success with these:

        .
      Step 1

      Eat oats. Eat oatmeal, bake and eat oatmeal cookies--be creative. eat at least one cup of oats every day, split into two or more eating sessions. Drink plenty of water when you eat the oats. Oats are a galactogogue (something that increases breastmilk production) and are very healthy for your digestive tract as well.
   .
      Step 2

      Take fenugreek capsules. Fenugreek is an herb that helps to boost breast milk production. It has a "maple effect"--women who take fenugreek in large enough doses to increase supply find that they exude a maple-syrup scent. Start with 1 capsule per day for a few days, increase to 3 capsules per day (1 capsule three times a day), and then go to 2 capsules, three times a day, for as long as you need your milk supply to be boosted. Drink eight to sixteen ounces of water with each batch of fenugreek pills.
   .
      Step 3

      Drink half a dark beer up to three nights a week. This may seem counterproductive, but many experts recommend drinking half (6 ounces) of a dark beer like Guinness, to help stimulate breast milk production (my Husband's family is from Ireland and generations of Irish women swear by this. My Sisters-in-law all do this and so do I. It really helps with "letdown," i.e, milk in the tissues of the breast being released).

Nurse the baby right before his or her nighttime sleep, and then drink the beer. By the middle of the night, you should experience increased milk production, and the impact of the alcohol on the baby is negligible as your body will have metabolized the alcohol and very little will be in the breast milk supply.
   .
      Step 4

      Drink Mother's Milk Tea. There are many versions of this tea on the market in grocery stores. Pick one and follow the directions.
   .
      Step 5

      Mix Brewer's yeast into your morning glass of orange juice. Start small, with no more than 1 tsp. Brewer's yeast can not only increase breast milk supply, it has the added benefit of being rich in B vitamins. These vitamins can help regulate your moods as you experience hormonal shifts from birth and breastfeeding.


I would definitely recommend sleeping at night with your baby also. In your and your Husband's bed. That would give you eight more hours or so, of time where your little one can be potentially nursing: You turn over, baby latches on. You go back to sleep.Don't worry about marital relations being affected. The baby dosen't know what is going on between Mom and Dad  .We have 4 and have slept with them all. I hope Erin chimes in on this too. She seems very knowledgeable on nursing. We will pray for you 

[flannerywannabe]

Of course it's worth a try -- but be gentle with yourself if your body just won't do it. That is very different from your will deciding that you just won't do it. You are obviously trying not only everything you know, but everything everyone around you knows, too!

And you obviously want this very much. Therefore other people have zip, zilch, zero right to comment on your bottle feeding. I don't know how you prefer to deal with these situations -- some like the smile/nod/ignore, others will be more confrontational (which is not inappropriate, I don't think). If it were me, I would look right at the person (trying to smile a bit) and say "I would love to breastfeed if I could, but I have a very low supply. I've read a lot of books and seen a lot of doctors and consultants, and nothing we have tried has worked. It upsets me, so I'd rather we not talk about it any more." Maybe that is confiding more than most deserve, since it really is none of their beeswax, but it should close the topic forever with all but the most thickheaded and oblivious of well-meaning but interfering biddies. With those who don't get the message, find a way to end the conversation asap, because frankly, you don't need it.

Prayers! Maria Lactans, ora pro nobis. 

[ResiduumRevertetur]

I'm sorry you're going through this. The same thing happened to me with my four. I listened to people tell me, You can do it! You can do it! for so long that I put my last child in the hospital with terrible jaundice. Seeing her all yellow, with little covered-up eyes under that bili lamp was hell. I put her there, ya know? But everyone kept saying, Oh, I know it's hard, keep trying, you'll get it. I thought (with all the hormones raging around at that time, of course) How messed up and incompetent am I that I can't even get this right? All these other people do it, why not me? And so many people will not hesitate to tell you how bad formula is, so it's scary. I just think, Formula's a whole lot better than my daughter suffering brain damage from severe jaundice--or worse. I regret very much never being successful at breastfeeding and the comments are hurtful sometimes, but then your children grow up and all that starts to fade away. Good luck to you, I hope your intuition is right and your milk production is way up, but if not I wouldn't hesitate to bottle feed.

[ErinIsNice]

Joan of Arc's post was great and I only have a couple things to add--

Nurse instead of pumping, and don't use a pacifier.  Just nurse him every time he's willing, even if it's every hour.  Don't let anyone tell you that you can feed a tiny baby too often.  A breast pump just uses suction to extract the milk, not the squeezing motion of a nursing baby which tells your body to increase it's milk production.

Wear your baby in a wrap or sling.  Close physical contact also encourages milk production.


You never mentioned though, if your milk ever "came in" with any of your other kids.  It can take almost a week sometimes, but if it doesn't happen at all, it could mean you have insufficient glandular tissue (which is very rare).

[mom]

((((HUGS))))

So sorry about the women at church cutting you down. Catholic women should hold each other up and assume the best instead of hurting each other and assuming the worst.

You have received a lot of good advice. IMO, the most important is to go easy on yourself. Everything you have done and gone through is in an attempt to do the best for your babies. It may not have gone the way you wanted but your intention was valorous. You did it all out of love and if you bottlefeed that will be out of love too. It will be a cross, but it will be what you know you need to do for your baby. The number one rule of any good LC is 'feed the baby'. Period.
Have you looked into or used a SNS (Supplemental nursing system)?  It would allow the baby to be fed and still get whatever colostrum/milk you have and also stimulate your breasts into hopefully making milk.

[katoliko]

   Basically nothing ever came out. With all the pumping I got at the very most a third of an ounce in a 24 hour period. Doctors don't have any answers, they just say "I guess you just can't". The lactation consultants had no answers. With my first I did this for 2 weeks and then gave up. With my son I only lasted a week. Between nursing and pumping, there was no break. I was truely up for days and days. I don't know how they expect you to rest when you are supposed to do both. 
   

Some women just don't produce milk.  According to a lactation consultant, there was a ancient practice that was done if a woman could not produce milk, and it is still done in some areas (so you are not the first, and you are not alone). If a woman could not produce any milk, she just found another woman in the tribe who was breast feeding, and would have the baby latch on to her.  If a woman is producing milk normally, then she would produce enough milk based on the amount of stimulation received from the babies sucking.  This way she could nourish her own baby and that of another.  If you prefer breast milk over supplementing, there are donors and I'm sure they are screened before they can donate, or you could find a friend who is also breast feeding (but I don't know if I would feel comfortable with these options for my own children, if God wills I have children).  And now I'll step out of the woman's forum 

[StrictCatholicGirl]

Women in the U.S. today are squeamish about wet nurses.. but there are "milk banks" out there. Google "wet nursing" and the World Health Organization and see what you come up with.

- Lisa