Thank you everyone so much for your insights and prayers. I can't believe how active this forum truly is, and to get such a response so quickly... well, I'm slightly overwhelmed and moved. Thank you very much.
I have been in prayer and contemplation regarding this for many years, and it has not been a straight road for me. I have fallen away, returned humbled, and suddenly things are starting to make sense, not just in the mind, but in the heart. I don't think I'm expressing myself very well. But life makes more sense with God. In a world that seems to think atheism makes more sense; well, perhaps we've (that is, I and people like myself) believed this lie because we are blessed to live in a world that still, for the most part, believes in God. We've (that is, I've) taken for granted the order and the humane-ness that Christendom has given to the world, forgetting how even more barbaric, cruel, and violent the world was without Christ, and how it is becoming that way again. If there is a God, then I must be Catholic (the only religion that could possibly be true), and if I must be Catholic, I must be a traditional Catholic. I think I was in rebellion (disguised as doubt) for a long time because of personal beliefs, my personal lifestyle, my fears of what my friends would think (I am young and none of my friends are religious, let alone Catholic, except for my best friend who converted to Judaism--funny, but that's the one religion okay to practice in my coterie of friends...), and my political leanings. But none of that matters. I'm not exactly sure what changed, but it (my heart?) has changed, and I know what my life is about. It's not about being successful in what the world considers successful. It's not even about being a good person and helping other people and making this world a better place, although that's important. It's about loving God and being close to Him. Everything else comes from this, like the trunk of a tree...
I can't believe I've changed so much... Very strange! And I'm not afraid anymore. Well, at least, not this week. I'm sure I will be afraid again at some point, but hopefully my faith will be stronger when that fear comes.
After reading what all of you have written, I know I will be avoiding an NO parish and the RCIA. Yes, I've been to several NO parishes, and the only place where I felt the reverence was at St. Patrick's in New York (my first introduction to Catholicism), but this did not compare to my first TLM years later. The NO mass feels like a Protestant service to me. I know that the NO is valid because that is what the Church says, but I long for the tradition, the beauty, and the reverence of the TLM. I think this is a natural desire. It must be; if there is a God and He wants us to worship Him, then shouldn't it be as reverent as possible and wouldn't we be drawn to that which is most reverent?
I wish that there was an FSSP parish near me, but there isn't. Same with the ICK. I suppose that means the SSPX, but I am slightly concerned with the issue of future documents that someone brought up. I wouldn't want to encounter any difficulties one day if I get married. At the same time, I know how important it is to be catechized correctly the first time, to lay the foundation.
I will go to the SSPX mass this Sunday and pray about it.
Thank you... I'm very humbled by all your kind responses.