Teenagers and dating

[Iolanthe]

For the girls, keep them sheltered. They can do things too, but they need to be watched even more so than boys; they're more vulnerable.

The best way to prepare a girl to be helpless in the real world and even more vulnerable is to shelter her. No offense, but that's terrible advice.

I know it doesn't happen to everyone, but my mom opened the door as soon as I wanted to get out of the house and turned me loose with no supervision. She didn't want me to be "repressed". After a couple years of that,  I wanted a short leash, believe me. What I wouldn't have given for a family that was concerned about what I was doing and with whom. My husband was just the same. We're truly lucky we made it out alive. Actually, his past may still kill him (though I pray he has a long, long time yet). But yeah. It's that bad.

I'm not talking about total freedom. That would be harmful to girls or boys. I'm talking about a reasonable medium.

[cgraye]

I had a very parental-approved two-year relationship after that, but he and my dad got along a little too well, which made me very nervous, so it ended. 

:o

Great, so now I have to remember not to get along TOO well with a girl's father.  I can't hold it together, here - it's just too complicated  :o

[Walty]

The world sweeps up young girls and turns them (and their own self perception of themselves) into nothing but meat.  Girls don't need to be sheltered from social things or the burdens of life (those things will present themselves no matter what you do).  They do need to be sheltered from worldiness.  I've seen girls that were raised very well but lose it because their parents gave them just a little too much leeway innocently enough.  Pretty soon it gets ugly.  The same goes from boys, but girls are more susceptible to boys and their immediate influence than vice-versa.

Girls should stick very closely to their parents until they find a husband.  Likewise with a man.  It's too crappy out there.

It's the world God put us in, and it's up to us to survive. Men and women. Did God make a mistake when he put us here, or does he expect us to make the best of it? And I don't believe girls are more easily influenced by worldliness. I've seen more guys go astray than girls....it's just that no one says anything when it's the guys.

Most of the so-called "sheltering" that goes on in Traditional homes is just an excuse to keep girls as helpless as possible so that parents don't have to have the responsibility of actually teaching their girls how to make good, independant decisions. It's actually really cruel.

Maybe we are looking at things from two different perspectives.  I don't know any trad families.  What I do know is that the vast majority of the girls I know (whether raised decently or not) have made out with over 20 random guys, go to clubs and grind with other random dudes etc.  Now, obviously there are guys out there that they are doing this with and I definitely think both sexes need to be sheltered from worldliness.  But that sort of crap is the norm outside of trad and super conservative families.  These are people who were raised well and should know better but because they were introduced to that lifestyle it consumes them anyway.

This is not the world God made.  I'm not talking about protecting girls or guys from shopping malls and school dances.  I'm talking about the pornographic existence that awaits those who aren't "sheltered" in what would be seen as a pretty radical way to the modern world.

No one is saying to lock your daughters in the basement, but the excess out there is amazing.

[libby]

[
This is not the world God made.  I'm not talking about protecting girls or guys from shopping malls and school dances.  I'm talking about the pornographic existence that awaits those who aren't "sheltered" in what would be seen as a pretty radical way to the modern world.

see now, i am.

I'm pretty picky about my boys - sometimes I don't want them going to malls - sometimes I don't want them watching certain G rated movies - but on the same token there's some R rated ones I wouldn't have a problem with.

I'd rather they see the honesty of war and violence - what is reality - than a G or PG rated movie filled with lip gloss and silicone. No one wins. The malls are full of that stuff - and unless times have changed, I knew plenty of girls who got pregnant from their moms dropping them off at the mall and picking them up later that day.

Girls strive for the impossible, boys look for the impossible, and everyone gets really, really screwed up.

But you have to get them out of the house - because staying in can be just as destructive in the long run.

you have to read the situations, and explain it to them before you let them go.

Not shelter, but prepare in such a way that they know that what's coming is something that they may not be prepared for.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but I understood it....

 

[Jacafamala]

For the girls, keep them sheltered. They can do things too, but they need to be watched even more so than boys; they're more vulnerable.

The best way to prepare a girl to be helpless in the real world and even more vulnerable is to shelter her. No offense, but that's terrible advice.

Really, terrible advice? How so? I'm very interested.

[Iolanthe]

For the girls, keep them sheltered. They can do things too, but they need to be watched even more so than boys; they're more vulnerable.

The best way to prepare a girl to be helpless in the real world and even more vulnerable is to shelter her. No offense, but that's terrible advice.

Really, terrible advice? How so? I'm very interested.

Because, as Canadian Catholic pointed out, women need to be strong in order to survive in this world. Sheltering is a parent's easiest way of avoiding the problems that come with raising daughters. It's "boys will be boys so we'll keep the girls at home and hope for the best" and then when the girls go out in the real world, which happens eventually unless the parents are nutjobs who think they're going to stay home forever, they can't deal with the reality of it. How about teaching the boys to be real men who treat women with respect? Do that and there won't be any need for sheltering. Also, girls who are taught self-respect and receive the value they deserve at home will be a lot less likely to make bad choices. If you tell a girl "you're vulnerable so you're not allowed to x, y, or z" you're going to make her doubt herself and resent you and your authority.

[Walty]

I think there is bias on both sides here, but I disagree that the world would be a perfect place if guys were perfected and treated women well.  Like women don't create problems on their own.

I know more floosies than players and I know a fairly large amount of people.  I've seen decent guys get seduced by women more than vice versa.  Women need to be strong enough to not let themselves be seen as a piece of meat, but guys only treat them that way because it's allowed and the women don't do anything to stop it.  They like it.  This game is played by both sides and both are to blame.  I hate it when men are victimized as animals when women love to give it up anyway.  They're both animals.

[Iolanthe]

I think there is bias on both sides here, but I disagree that the world would be a perfect place if guys were perfected and treated women well.  Like women don't create problems on their own.

I know more floosies than players and I know a fairly large amount of people.  I've seen decent guys get seduced by women more than vice versa.  Women need to be strong enough to not let themselves be seen as a piece of meat, but guys only treat them that way because it's allowed and the women don't do anything to stop it.  They like it.  This game is played by both sides and both are to blame.  I hate it when men are victimized as animals when women love to give it up anyway.  They're both animals.

I hate men who sit on their hands and complain about women instead of being leaders and gentlemen. Sorry, but that's what it comes down to. You're either a leader or you're not.

[Walty]

I think there is bias on both sides here, but I disagree that the world would be a perfect place if guys were perfected and treated women well.  Like women don't create problems on their own.

I know more floosies than players and I know a fairly large amount of people.  I've seen decent guys get seduced by women more than vice versa.  Women need to be strong enough to not let themselves be seen as a piece of meat, but guys only treat them that way because it's allowed and the women don't do anything to stop it.  They like it.  This game is played by both sides and both are to blame.  I hate it when men are victimized as animals when women love to give it up anyway.  They're both animals.

I hate men who sit on their hands and complain about women instead of being leaders and gentlemen. Sorry, but that's what it comes down to. You're either a leader or you're not.

That's too easy.  There are a lot of decent guys out there who do lead and still end up getting screwed over.  The same goes for a lot of good women.

Why is it that no one ever blames a girl and tells her she isn't truly feminine if she gets her heart broken?  But when it's a guy it must be some fault of his, huh?

The world is a crappy place and bad things happen to good people who don't deserve it.  Everyone has experienced that. 

[Iolanthe]

That's too easy.  There are a lot of decent guys out there who do lead and still end up getting screwed over.  The same goes for a lot of good women.

Why is it that no one ever blames a girl and tells her she isn't truly feminine if she gets her heart broken?  But when it's a guy it must be some fault of his, huh?

The world is a crappy place and bad things happen to good people who don't deserve it.  Everyone has experienced that. 

I'm not excusing the floozies...and I am aware that nice guys finish last, and all that, which is pretty messed up. But I think you're totally wrong about girls not being blamed for a heartbreak. We get ALL the blame, from the pagans and the Catholics. Look at any of those lame dating books. They're full of stuff about how women should just try to get over it and not be "clingy." And from Catholics? Pretty much the first thing people will do when they hear of a breakup is find some way to blame the girl. And this is from people I LIKE.