Asking Relatives to Dress Modestly for Traditional Confirmation Ceremony

[QuisUtDeus]

I've been similarly nervous about our wedding.  I know how some of his cousins dress for other events, and it scares me a little.

Invitations to trad weddings I've been to have included a note. Personally I think it's tacky but it's important enough to be somewhat necessary. I would only put it in the invitations to people who need it, but that could make stuffing envelopes assembly-line style difficult.

Yeah, but better tacky in the note than tacky at the Mass with Uncle Fred showing up in cutoffs and flip-flops.

Edit to add:

I would only put it in the invitations to people who need it,

Bad idea.  "Can you believe they put a note in there telling us how to dress?" "Huh, I didn't get one of those..."  "Great, she thinks I'm a skank."

Send to all, or send to none.

[QuisUtDeus]

It may help to use the phrase "dress code" so people will think of restaurants and places you can get kicked out of.

Oh, I missed this.  You had the idea first, and I agree.

[OCLittleFlower]

I've been similarly nervous about our wedding.  I know how some of his cousins dress for other events, and it scares me a little.

Invitations to trad weddings I've been to have included a note. Personally I think it's tacky but it's important enough to be somewhat necessary. I would only put it in the invitations to people who need it, but that could make stuffing envelopes assembly-line style difficult.

So far, we have it on the wedding website, which everyone who would be an offender has read.  I mean, the grandmas don't read the site, but they aren't gonna show up as ahoochie mama, either.

I would caution against putting a note for some people and not others...because people do talk "hey, they're nuts, they put a modesty note in there!"  "no they didn't..." and then the first person wonders why they were singled out.

[Rosarium]

I would caution against putting a note for some people and not others...because people do talk "hey, they're nuts, they put a modesty note in there!"  "no they didn't..." and then the first person wonders why they were singled out.

That is called a "hint".

Although everyone spoke sensibly here, I do prefer the meat locker method.

[QuisUtDeus]

I would caution against putting a note for some people and not others...because people do talk "hey, they're nuts, they put a modesty note in there!"  "no they didn't..." and then the first person wonders why they were singled out.

That is called a "hint".

It is also called "tactless".  Emily Post would disapprove.

[Rosarium]

It is also called "tactless".  Emily Post would disapprove.

Would lack of tact be a suitable response to lack of tact?

And, do you think a person who suggested putting guests into a meat locker cares what Emily Post thinks?

* Herr_Mannelig now googles "Emily Post"

Figures that Emily Post is worth disappointing.

Culture blind and materialistic.

The well-dressed man is always a paradox. He must look as though he gave
his clothes no thought and as though literally they grew on him like a
dog's fur, and yet he must be perfectly groomed. He must be close-shaved
and have his hair cut and his nails in good order (not too polished).

The well-dressed man never wears the same suit or the same pair of shoes
two days running. He may have only two suits, but he wears them
alternately; if he has four suits he should wear each every fourth day.
The longer time they have "to recover" their shape, the better.

Some people love highly flavored Spanish or Indian dishes, but they are not appropriate for a formal dinner.

[piabee]

I would only put it in the invitations to people who need it,

Bad idea.  "Can you believe they put a note in there telling us how to dress?" "Huh, I didn't get one of those..."  "Great, she thinks I'm a skank."

Send to all, or send to none.

Good point, but if I took things personally I would get offended, too, that people who have known me since I was 6 think I need to be told how to dress in church.

edit to fix quote

[DesperatelySeeking]

Good for you!  Put that in the invitation and stand your ground.  One small victory in a world of disappearing standards and moribund expectations.

My hat's off to ye.

[QuisUtDeus]

I would only put it in the invitations to people who need it,

Bad idea.  "Can you believe they put a note in there telling us how to dress?" "Huh, I didn't get one of those..."  "Great, she thinks I'm a skank."

Send to all, or send to none.

Good point, but if I took things personally I would get offended, too, that people who have known me since I was 6 think I need to be told how to dress in church.

edit to fix quote

That's why I specified a copy and said it's the church's rules.  You want it to be generic, impersonal, and clear that it was wantonly thrown in every envelope.

[QuisUtDeus]

It is also called "tactless".  Emily Post would disapprove.

Would lack of tact be a suitable response to lack of tact?

And, do you think a person who suggested putting guests into a meat locker cares what Emily Post thinks?

* Herr_Mannelig now googles "Emily Post"

Figures that Emily Post is worth disappointing.

Culture blind and materialistic.

Being well-dressed is culture blind and materialistic.  Etiquette by definition is because it often uniquely applies to a given culture.  Shaking hands in the Orient was considered foul - they would bow instead.  Wearing yellow in China could have gotten one killed because it was reserved to the Emperor.

But tact is universal.  It shows respect of a person, and for a Catholic, we should respect as much as possible the image of God that resides in each individual we are called to see Christ in.  So, manners count even in the case of fraternal correction, and yes, they are often culturally determined.