Need to deal with mixed Relationship my Son is haveing

[JoeVoxxPop]

I would definitely not take her and her parents being "bible" prots thing lightly. I used to be a Jack Chick loving indy fundy baptist. It took seeing that there were competing denominations to this isn't God's idea of "church" (plus I read some of the early church stuff that was about the Real Presence in the Eucharist and Baptism for Remission of sins) for me to seek truth ie The Catholic Church.  I'm not trying to scare you or freak you out but they most likely 95% or higher chance are trying to "save" your son. I would watch this girl and her family like a hawk and listen intently on what they are pulling/saying around my kid. Granted he's 18 and rebelling I would just pray for him and try to give him good apologetics books (like what's been suggested).

I hope I don't get kicked off the board for this but that underhanded sneaky proto "save the non-Christian Catholic" crap pisses me off too and I WOULDN'T put up with it for a SECOND!!!

 

Traditionalmom

Dear trad Mom, thanx for posting....you wont get kicked off...your tame comments are p[ar for the course here, especially since you speak the truth. As for them trying to "save" my son...thats not a problem as she is rebelling against her parents too. So the two are odd bookends......one thing though they have been coming to liturgy Sundays...and though I see them snickering...and being generally apathetic...at least they are in the presence of our Lord. Still, there is a huge anti communication wall between us.....neither is the least bit interested in apologetics books....or simply asking me questions about what Catholics belive (my son should know but he is disturbingly ignorant...I mean.. wtheck was he dead asleep for the first 14 years of his life?)

[Joamy]

Dear trad Mom, thanx for posting....you wont get kicked off...your tame comments are p[ar for the course here, especially since you speak the truth. As for them trying to "save" my son...thats not a problem as she is rebelling against her parents too. So the two are odd bookends......one thing though they have been coming to liturgy Sundays...and though I see them snickering...and being generally apathetic...at least they are in the presence of our Lord. Still, there is a huge anti communication wall between us.....neither is the least bit interested in apologetics books....or simply asking me questions about what Catholics belive (my son should know but he is disturbingly ignorant...I mean.. wtheck was he dead asleep for the first 14 years of his life?)

 

What TradMom said... I've been in those indy fundy protestant circles, too.  They may not seem like they are paying attention in mass, but it's good that they are going - you never know what sinks in... .If it makes you feel any better, the older I get, the smarter my parents get. 

[JoeVoxxPop]

Thank you Joamy, yes this is a phase of parenting that isn't apparent when your kids are cute little scruffmuffins, but it is a duty, cross and responsibility none the less. But God is Just and hasn't let me down ever...(and I know never will)...but "Lord I believe...help thou my un belief!"

[Vetus Ordo]

Hopefully, your son might get tired of this relationship. Let's pray that it ends soon.

There's little you can do now other than pray, offer up your own sacrifices and hope to be a good fatherly example to him whenever possible. Faith must be the most important thing in our lives and you should try to make your son realise this. If pushing and violence doesn't work to wake him up, then much patience and perseverance are needed.

The best approach depends on each other's personalities but it would be important that your son realises that he's putting his soul in great peril if he persists in dating this girl and that this state of affairs greatly hurts his father. He should also realise that his father will always be there for him, not matter what.

[Vetus Ordo]

Vox Pop,
Saint Joseph's day is coming up on March 19.  He is the patron of fathers, so I suggest a novena leading up to his feast day.   I think his intercession would be very helpful for your situation. 

Great idea.

I second this.

[iglesiadomestica]

Hi
While I realize that mixed relationships can bring many problems there are many factors to be considered.  Depending on the persons age it may be an issue you can only give advise on but then leave to them.  It is likely best to be kind and welcoming if after your initial caution the person decides to remain in the relationship.  Giving ultimatums and trying to exercise that kind of authority over an adult is going to backfire most the time.  If the non-Catholic is not very devout in their practice of their religion it may not be a big problem and they may even convert in the future depending on the Catholic's level of devotion to the faith.  A non-Catholic Christian is better than an Atheist or non-Christian in terms of similarity of values.  As a Christian they may still believe in abstinence and be free of addictions etc.

That said I strongly believe in prayer in particular the Rosary for conversion.  I have had plenty of experiences that have taught me that this is undoubtedly true.  I highly recommend you pray not so much for the person to leave the relationship which may or may not be God's will but for the conversion of the non-Catholic which is always undoubtedly God's will (to increase his faithful) imo.

When I met my Husband I was not as devout as I am now and did not think to ask his religion.  I grew up surrounded by Catholics (the predominant religion even if practiced in a lax manner) and did not think he would be non-Catholic.  By the time I found out I was already quite in Love with him and decided as long as he understood I would never convert and that if we ever got to the point of marriage I would only marry in the Catholic church we would continue to see each other.  He was not as devout in the faith of his parent's and always accepted this.  Over time I made clear my values to him with regard to all pertinent topics of marriage and parenthood before marriage.  His mother who was the Evangelical in his family disapproved but he was not a practicing member of her church and was not convinced of their beliefs (which are very anti-Catholic).  When he asked me to marry him I reminded him of my requirements.  We got the dispensation. took the longer 2 month marriage course with 6 months of follow-up meetings with assigned married couple and had a Catholic wedding with Mass. 

For years our marriage was a mixed marriage and yes we had some troubles when it came to the daily and weekly practice of our faith but he never broke his agreement to allow our children to be raised Catholic.  I really wanted him to convert and join us at Church though and that was a battle at times not because of evangelical beliefs but out of a more irreligious attitude.  When things got really bad and looked like we were headed to divorce I prayed a Rosary in tears and told our Blessed Mother and God that I put my marriage in their hands to do with as they willed.  The next week he asked to go to Church with me and after 2 weeks of going to Church he asked what he needed to do to convert (not because I ever asked.  I never in all our years together asked him to convert because I always wanted it to be a faithful heartfelt conversion.  I had only asked him to join us for Church.).  It took 3 years because my Parish has only one class for adults and it was during my Husbands work hours and it took awhile to get our Priest to arrange something for him but he finally was baptized this past Holy Week.

Yes there is a world of difference between a mixed marriage and a Catholic marriage.  Being in a Catholic marriage is a blessing which I thank our Blessed Mother and God for daily.  But if I had disregarded my husband when I met him just because he was not Catholic then I would have missed the great opportunity of helping to lead him to Catholicism and therefore our Lord and of having this valuable testimony to share with others about the Rosary and being in a mixed marriage.

Whether a mixed relationship can lead the Catholic astray or the non-Catholic home will depend on where the Catholic in the relationship stands with his faith.  If he/she is a devout strong Catholic they will not be lead astray regardless of the emotions or hormones. 

Regardless pray the Rosary and consecrate yourself to Mary for the conversion of souls like St Maximilian Kolbe did when he founded the Crusade of Mary Immaculate (Militia Immaculatae), with the aim of "converting sinners, heretics and schismatics, particularly freemasons, and bringing all men to love Mary Immaculate"

I will add this relationship to my prayers.

God bless

[JayneK]

iglesiadomestica,
Thanks for this encouraging and inspiring story.

[JoeVoxxPop]

Itworked itself out they are no longer dating
teenagers.      Oiy vey

[JayneK]

Good to get the update on that,  Voxpop. 

[Dust]

Voxpop, I just noticed this thread a couple days ago, and took some time to read the whole thing.  I'm glad this was resolved.  It may be that that girl converts later in life thanks to the seed planted in her at Mass, but chances are, none of us will ever know.

I feel inclined to say something, because I myself fell into the "poorly catechized" category at that age (NO Sunday school that I didn't pay much attention in) but I eventually woke up and started taking my Faith seriously, and attending the TLM.  Just give him some time.

One thing that helped me to not drift too far while at college was having Catholic friends to go to Mass with while I was away at school.  Kept me from ever really leaving the Church, even if I stayed away from confession for some time.  I'm not sure if theres much you (or your wife) can do to encourage this, but it's a thought.  Even if he keeps dating prots, a few good Catholic friends can keep him from drifting too far.

Hope this helps, even if it's only in the virtue of hope.