Intensity in a relationship

[Johndigger]

Hey folks. Been a while since I've posted but here I am posting asking your advice about the wiles of love.

I've been dating this girl for about 5 months. Good Catholic lass. Neither of us have properly dated in 5 years or so as we were both considering vocations.

It's a long distance relationship, so when we see each other it's always pretty intense. Particularly after being single for so long, we're both used to doing things our own way and not too used to the emotional intensity.

She says she loves me but finds the intensity too much, that it sometimes ends in an argument so she can get some "space" and complains that I compliment her too much, etc


So, I'm definitely accepting what she's saying and I'm trying to let it grow naturally without forcing things too much. (Which tends to be my personality - there's nothing that can't be done with sheer willpower)


Just asking for a bit of advice as what this actually means in practice. I am also feeling slightly rejected.

 I think I need to stop loving her in the way I want to love her and loving her in the way she needs/wants to be loved.


This post is something of a ramble. Any advice & prayers would be greatly appreciated.

[Mithrandylan]

Eh, what do you mean by intense?  Your words are very vague.  Perhaps you could clarify what intense constitutes and what emotional intensity is?  Is that like you crying?  I'm happy to help but I need to know what "intensity" is too much for her. 

[cgraye]

Yeah, just be cool.  Don't compliment her too much or be too intense with the expression of your feelings.  I'm sure it feels very intense, but you don't have to express everything you feel.  Nobody really likes that, because it's too much pressure.  It seems to me that after five months it's about time to make a decision about if/how you want the relationship to proceed.  Someone is probably going to have to move near the other, or least spend a good chunk of time there, so you can see how it works when you are seeing each other more regularly.  More frequent contact will reduce that intensity and give you a clearer head to decide how you want to proceed.

[devotedknuckles]

Yep
be cool. Sounds like your in love. If so I strongly recomend to star to plan snd to hide you assets now. Tell her very little. One of the few teachings me pa passed down to me throgh my uncle is this
"of you truly love her, keep your mouh sht and tell her nohing"
I didn't listen to that and now the grinding laywe fees and court battle is eating me
not that u wil marry her or anyhing. Just remember
lose lips sink ships
be cool

[Walty]

Yep
be cool. Sounds like your in love. If so I strongly recomend to star to plan snd to hide you assets now. Tell her very little. One of the few teachings me pa passed down to me throgh my uncle is this
"of you truly love her, keep your mouh sht and tell her nohing"
I didn't listen to that and now the grinding laywe fees and court battle is eating me
not that u wil marry her or anyhing. Just remember
lose lips sink ships
be cool

lol

[Johndigger]

Thanks chaps.

Mithrand, my words are very vague because really I have no idea what the dear woman is talking about.

I think cgraye is probably hitting the nail on the head when he speaks about pressure and whatnot of talking about marriage and too many compliments, etc

"Is that like me crying?" - lol - glorious.


She said at the beginning, she'll know in 6 months whether she wants to marry me or not. Not that that's a deadline but it does show we're not just dating for the sake of it. There's a discernment to marriage in mind.

As for moving closer together, it's not really an option at the moment. I'm looking to join the army and she's off doing some missionary work in her home country this year. So, that's problematic.


Just gonna play it cool. She asked me at the beginning to tell her more how much I liked her, compliment her more, be more serious etc and now she's telling me the opposite!

[Rosarium]

Just gonna play it cool. She asked me at the beginning to tell her more how much I liked her, compliment her more, be more serious etc and now she's telling me the opposite!

Girls are like that. Do not try to second guess her. Be yourself (obviously) and be a man. Don't be a fool. Women don't like that.

[Bakuryokuso]

It doesn't matter what she tells you to do, you gotta stick to the rules and ease up on the compliments.

[Walty]

Whatever you have to do, don't come across as needy and overbearing.

It sounds like she doesn't want to mess around.  You said you've been dating for 5 months and she expected to know whether she sees the whole thing as having a future after 6 months.  So give her a few months to think about things and tell you where to go from there.  Until then, just relax and be smooth with her.

[Johndigger]

Alright boys, just gonna be cool and enjoy the moment.