Nice Guys

[piabee]

Lots of good advice in this, if you read past the gratuitous immorality.

There are any number of geek guys running around out there without the love and companionship that many people and all golden retrievers deserve. Sometimes these guys sit down and try to figure out why they’re living a life devoid of love, romance, sex and discussions about whose hair it is in the shower drain.

They undertake a deep self-assessment, questioning all their long-cherished beliefs about themselves, and this is what they conclude: They’re too nice. And that’s hilarious!

Guys, you’re not “too nice.” That’s like saying you can’t get seated at an L.A. restaurant because you’re too famous.

I also know tremendous jerks with girlfriends, but that just proves there’s someone for everyone.

I mean, let’s concede right here that there are people of all available genders who are messed up in the brainpan and because of this are only into people who treat them poorly. These folks are, thankfully, in the minority. They’re also not the sort of people you want to be dating. Self-loathing people are actually kind of a pain to be around.

Which brings us back to you! Given that nice guys get bedded and/or wedded all the time, you must have a more specific problem than that. Here are some specific behaviors I have witnessed in guys who think they’re “too nice” when actually they’re “unpleasant.” Is this you?

-For some reason, you think “nice” means “completely devoid of sexual energy.” When you’re attracted to someone, you treat her like you’re her brother. Her brother the priest. Her brother the elderly Victorian priest who is actually a large stuffed animal. Then when some guy comes along and does a little thoughtful flirting and actually gets her attention, you think “Man, that guy’s a jerkface.”

-When you say you’re trying to figure out “what women want,” you actually mean you’re trying to figure out what this one specific woman you’re friends with and have had a crush on for three years wants. (That one’s easy, by the way. The answer is “not you.” Now move on.)

-You don’t know many women. Having been passed on by the six or seven ladyfolks you see on a regular basis, you are now ready to assume that all women are deeply broken individuals who don’t know what’s good for them. Somehow you think that treating all women as freely interchangable mentally damaged goods is compatible with being “nice.”

-You’re one of those guys who wishes he lived in the Arthurian era — which is to say an era that never actually existed — and who actually uses the word prithee. You practice some sort of demented Hollywood version of chivalry. When women are creeped out by this, you assume they don’t like nice guys, rather than assuming more accurately that they have no desire to get involved with your little love-LARP.

-You’re not actually nice. Ask yourself this question: All these nice, thoughtful things you do for women you have crushes on, do you do them for your friends whose panties you don’t want to chew off? Do you remember everyone’s favorite pizza topping? Listen to them bitch about work? Tell them when you see something neat on ThinkGeek that you think they’d like? Getting extra attention from someone who’s generally nice is flattering. Sitting under the laserlike niceness focus of someone who’s usually oblivious is actually pretty unnerving.

-Finally, the most common affliction: searing, blinding desperation. There’s a big, inviting grassy area between being a schmuck and being an Alpha Jerk, and it’s called “self-confidence.” It’s nice for picnics! Seriously, if there’s any one thing that’s universally attractive to men, women and intersexed individuals of any and all types, it’s confidence. People like people who like being the people they are. The sort of guys who worry about being “too nice” don’t want to be who they are. They want to be Someone’s Boyfriend, as if that will solve all their personal problems. That’s as off-putting as real, true niceness is attractive.

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[Someone1776]

I am going to add my theory of women here.  It's very un-pc and I don't completely believe it, but I think there is some truth to it:

When men go shopping for a pair of black pants they walk into the store, grab a pair, buy them, and leave....all within about 10 minutes.  When a woman goes shopping for a pair black pants she will spend hours looking for the perfect pair of pants!  Think about that...a woman will spend hours just trying to answer "what pants should I buy!"  In the end most women aren't able to answer this question without buying 27 pairs of black pants. 

What does this tell us? 

It tells us that women's little brains get overtaxed by something as simple as getting a pair of pants. They struggle and go through anguish just trying to find a pair of pants! 

Now what happens when you tell a woman to make an important decision like "what shall we do tonight!?"  A nice guy will think that by asking a woman what she wants to do she will appreciate it, but little does he understand that this will actually end up pissing her off because now her little brain has to try to grasp with a question far beyond her capabilities.  Unable to tackle the problem, women turn to their best coping mechanism and either break down crying asking why said nice guy can't plan OR go into bitch mode and ask why said nice guy can't plan. 

Now Mr. Jerk of course doesn't care what she thinks and he will just say "Hey, Babe we're going to the destruction derby!" While our nice gal might not want to the destruction derby its a better alternative than trying to figure out stuff for herself. 

Thus, in a case where women have to choose between Mr. Nice who thinks he's nice by abdicating his leadership to her and Mr. Jerk who is a leader, albeit a tyrannical one, she will choose Mr. Jerk.

However, what women really want is Mr. Nice who knows exactly what she wants, yet isn't afraid to expose her to new things. She wants a man that cares about her but will stand up for himself.  She wants a man that ultimately will control her, but in a way that she wants to be controlled, not a man that she can control. 

Note: Some of you will say many women are in positions of power where they make important decisions.  I assure you these women do not spend hours looking for the perfect pair of pants.  Such women are an anomaly.   

[piabee]

Don't troll my thread.

[Someone1776]

Don't troll my thread.

It's not trolling if its true! 

[piabee]

It's intentional derailing, which is against the forum rules. Start your own if you must.

[Someone1776]

It's intentional derailing, which is against the forum rules. Start your own if you must.

It's not its on the topic of nice guys! 

[piabee]

It has nothing to do with the article I posted. Why are you making an "About Men" thread about women?

[Someone1776]

It has nothing to do with the article I posted. Why are you making an "About Men" thread about women?

You can't have a discussion of nice guys without talking about women.  And I think what I wrote largely fits into the article that you posted. 

[piabee]

I am going to add my theory of women here.

An addition of your pet theory is not furthering the discussion.

[The Curt Jester]

Well, clearly, Someone strayed from truth when he mentioned the example of women shopping for pants.  Everyone knows that women don't wear them!

As for the nice guys scenario, there may be some truth to what is said, though it's obviously a huge generalization.   Also, everyone probably has a different opinion on what exactly a nice guy is.