Babies close in age

[verenaerin]

I don't have enough brain power to figure it out. I am trying to clean the house, distract myself from the boredom of cleaning by posting on FE, cook dinner, and bounce the baby so he stays asleep, all at the same time. There is bound to be collateral damage.

[verenaerin]

I also want to throw in that nearly all the women I've talked to say that 3 is the hardest. After 3 the whole thing is a blur. Personally, I have found that 4 has been the hardest. At this point, I cannot possibly imagine doing one more thing, I am at my max. I was talking to Mr T the other day. As far as I am concerned, we are in survival mode. I have a lot of health issues I am trying to get through, the baby is still getting up several times a night and teething, kidlet #3 has decided that if she's not physically touching me, she is going to freak out, kidlet #2 refuses to be potty trained and is on a roll of breaking everything in my house and stealing food from the fridge, my oldest starts having daily accidents when she isn't getting enough attention. Tell her that once she survives baby #3- she'll be ready for her general star.

[elizabee]

I also want to throw in that nearly all the women I've talked to say that 3 is the hardest. After 3 the whole thing is a blur. Personally, I have found that 4 has been the hardest. At this point, I cannot possibly imagine doing one more thing, I am at my max. I was talking to Mr T the other day. As far as I am concerned, we are in survival mode. I have a lot of health issues I am trying to get through, the baby is still getting up several times a night and teething, kidlet #3 has decided that if she's not physically touching me, she is going to freak out, kidlet #2 refuses to be potty trained and is on a roll of breaking everything in my house and stealing food from the fridge, my oldest starts having daily accidents when she isn't getting enough attention. Tell her that once she survives baby #3- she'll be ready for her general star.

That's really tough. In fantasy ideal land what do you think the ideal age gap between kids would be in terms of handleability, mental health for you and the kids, peace, sleep, etc?

[verenaerin]

I also want to throw in that nearly all the women I've talked to say that 3 is the hardest. After 3 the whole thing is a blur. Personally, I have found that 4 has been the hardest. At this point, I cannot possibly imagine doing one more thing, I am at my max. I was talking to Mr T the other day. As far as I am concerned, we are in survival mode. I have a lot of health issues I am trying to get through, the baby is still getting up several times a night and teething, kidlet #3 has decided that if she's not physically touching me, she is going to freak out, kidlet #2 refuses to be potty trained and is on a roll of breaking everything in my house and stealing food from the fridge, my oldest starts having daily accidents when she isn't getting enough attention. Tell her that once she survives baby #3- she'll be ready for her general star.

That's really tough. In fantasy ideal land what do you think the ideal age gap between kids would be in terms of handleability, mental health for you and the kids, peace, sleep, etc?

I think 3 years of age apart seems, to me ideal. I think the biggest thing to influence this number is your support system. A friend of mine has children similarly aged, her's are a little more apart then mine. She has very involved grandparents on both sides that love to babysit, she is apart of at least one active mother's group, and has a lot of friend's through the school that her daughter now attends. She has pretty healthy pregnancies and recovers quickly. She is one of the happiest people I know (it drives me crazy sometimes). For her, 4 kids in 6 years isn't so big of a deal.

My brother lives nearby, but I rarely see him, he is my only babysitter. My next closet relative is 100 miles away. As you know my pregnancies are hell, and it will take me years to recover from this past one. There are no mother's groups I am able to get to, and my closest friend here I see at the end of Mass, maybe every 2 months. All these things play an obvious role in my choice of ideal spacing.

[gloriamaria]

I think that under two years apart in age is extremely trying. My littlest ones are 6, 4, 3, 1.2, and soon to be born. I can't sleep through my pregnancy or breastfeeding for more than two hours at a go, and I remember reading that you need at least 3 consecutive hours of sleep for proper brain functioning. The age of reason is really when they can be reliably helpful (my 6 year old is there, and the 4 year old is coming right along). Her 3 year old should be encouraged to do helpful things (it depends on temperament, too, some 3 year olds you just want to leave alone if they are happy enough - mine is a case in point) - If someone can just make sure she is getting sleep (your daughter) so she can make the decisions she needs to make and organize her day a little. I find that if the day just passes with no structure, it is not good for sanity. A schedule is a big help.

Otherwise you can just tell her that there are other crazy women out there who are doing the same thing, and we love our kids too, and can empathize.

[verenaerin]

I think that under two years apart in age is extremely trying. My littlest ones are 6, 4, 3, 1.2, and soon to be born. I can't sleep through my pregnancy or breastfeeding for more than two hours at a go, and I remember reading that you need at least 3 consecutive hours of sleep for proper brain functioning. The age of reason is really when they can be reliably helpful (my 6 year old is there, and the 4 year old is coming right along). Her 3 year old should be encouraged to do helpful things (it depends on temperament, too, some 3 year olds you just want to leave alone if they are happy enough - mine is a case in point) - If someone can just make sure she is getting sleep (your daughter) so she can make the decisions she needs to make and organize her day a little. I find that if the day just passes with no structure, it is not good for sanity. A schedule is a big help.

Otherwise you can just tell her that there are other crazy women out there who are doing the same thing, and we love our kids too, and can empathize.

Crazy sleep deprived mothers, unite!

[Gakmo]

I think that under two years apart in age is extremely trying. My littlest ones are 6, 4, 3, 1.2, and soon to be born. I can't sleep through my pregnancy or breastfeeding for more than two hours at a go, and I remember reading that you need at least 3 consecutive hours of sleep for proper brain functioning. The age of reason is really when they can be reliably helpful (my 6 year old is there, and the 4 year old is coming right along). Her 3 year old should be encouraged to do helpful things (it depends on temperament, too, some 3 year olds you just want to leave alone if they are happy enough - mine is a case in point) - If someone can just make sure she is getting sleep (your daughter) so she can make the decisions she needs to make and organize her day a little. I find that if the day just passes with no structure, it is not good for sanity. A schedule is a big help.

Otherwise you can just tell her that there are other crazy women out there who are doing the same thing, and we love our kids too, and can empathize.

Crazy sleep deprived mothers, unite!

I will join in! 

[JayneK]

Thanks to all of you who have contributed to this thread.  I read your responses to my daughter and they helped her a lot - not just with coping with her pregnancy.  I think your example of faith helped her too.  You are the greatest.

Plus ones all round!

[kgreen]

until last month i had 3 babies under 3 yrs old. i had no religion at all growing up and still fairly new to Catholicism, so it is tough when family criticizes you. Once my grandma said "is that all you people do??!" that wasn't cool... but somebody wrote for her to take care of her health and I also couldn't recommend that more; I don't always do the best job of it and I really feel it when I'm not getting enough vitamins and minerals. Other recommendations: absolutely teach the oldest child how to do little chores, all the children really but especially the oldest because the oldest sets the example... I can hand my kids dirty clothes or a dirty diaper and they know what to do with it.. my oldest (3 yrs old) folds laundry and spontaneously cleans the house (and does a good job) if she sees that it needs it... it's not slave driving or anything like that... it's responsibility.. and third, please tell her to look at the example of the Virgin Mary.. we just celebrated Christmas.. St Joseph and the Virgin Mary were poor.. no room for them at the inns; the spirit of poverty and absolute confidence in God... book recommendations, I don't know the other one that was mentioned, but am interested in that one now... a priest recommended to me a book called Holiness for Housewives. You can get it on amazon... I don't remember off the top of my head who wrote it, but it was extremely relevant and inspiring/reassuring

[elizabee]

until last month i had 3 babies under 3 yrs old. i had no religion at all growing up and still fairly new to Catholicism, so it is tough when family criticizes you. Once my grandma said "is that all you people do??!" that wasn't cool... but somebody wrote for her to take care of her health and I also couldn't recommend that more; I don't always do the best job of it and I really feel it when I'm not getting enough vitamins and minerals. Other recommendations: absolutely teach the oldest child how to do little chores, all the children really but especially the oldest because the oldest sets the example... I can hand my kids dirty clothes or a dirty diaper and they know what to do with it.. my oldest (3 yrs old) folds laundry and spontaneously cleans the house (and does a good job) if she sees that it needs it... it's not slave driving or anything like that... it's responsibility.. and third, please tell her to look at the example of the Virgin Mary.. we just celebrated Christmas.. St Joseph and the Virgin Mary were poor.. no room for them at the inns; the spirit of poverty and absolute confidence in God... book recommendations, I don't know the other one that was mentioned, but am interested in that one now... a priest recommended to me a book called Holiness for Housewives. You can get it on amazon... I don't remember off the top of my head who wrote it, but it was extremely relevant and inspiring/reassuring

Nice, I've added it to my wishlist