Comrades suspect me of homosexuality

[Su]

Su, how is offering to box assault?

If you want more precise legal advice, I suggest you consult a licensed lawyer. I am not a lawyer (and if I were, I wouldn't be giving any legal advice on the Internet to strangers).

[Jacob]

On the main topic, I had a conversation with a friend who was until recently an active-duty Marine non-com.  Mind the profanity...

Me says, "In the corps, would it be frowned upon for a guy to call out another guy for ragging on him and being a jerk?"
Me says, "Assuming they're about equal rank."

Marine Friend says, "Frowned upon... not with the new hazing policies... but he'd still be a pussy. ;)"

Me nods.

Marine Friend says, "Why?"

Me was just reading online this morning about this guy, X, who is religious and some of the men in his unit have been making disparaging comments about his sexuality because he's not out with the girls. X in his post was wondering if any other military people have had similiar experiences. He didn't say what branch he's in.

Marine Friend says, "I mean, honestly..."
Marine Friend says, "Not to be insensitive-- but that's not a military culture specific problem, really."

Me says, "True."

Marine Friend says, "Guys give guys sh** about stuff, especially stuff like that... especially when they're in their 20's. ;)"
Marine Friend says, "So... really... toughen up."
Marine Friend says, "Or take it up the chain on hazing charges, whatever you feel you can handle. ;)"
Marine Friend says, "Sometimes going to the chain results in more trouble than what is currently going on, in any of the services."
Marine Friend says, "Now, telling them to f*** off is fine... telling them to please stop or you'll tell people is where it gets ugly. ;)"
Marine Friend says, "You won't cop sh** for telling people to f*** off, that's kind of what they expect you to do"
Marine Friend says, "OR... just ignore it. ;)"

Me says, "No one likes a rat?"

Marine Friend says, "If you're going to make those decisions, it's safe to say a certain level of crap will come with it."
Marine Friend says, "It's not even about not liking a rat."
Marine Friend says, "If you go to the chain, it will be taken seriously... just be certain potentially moving and cooperating with an investigation and all that stuff is worth it."

Me says, "Yeah."

Marine Friend says, "Threatening to be a rat is where it gets silly-- that'll piss people off... but technically if you rat, and it's handled properly... they won't know."
Marine Friend says, "Or... go talk to your chain, unofficially."
Marine Friend says, "I mean... really... you don't go out and party due to religous reasons. You know you're not gay, who cares about the others. Other than them being in the unit, it's safe to say you wouldn't socialize with them by choice, anyway... so don't sweat it."
Marine Friend says, "Easier said than done, sure... but unless you're willing to weather a sh** storm... it's part of life."

Me nods.

Marine Friend says, "The military is no different than anything else these days"
Marine Friend says, "Everything is against the rules."
Marine Friend says, "So, he could always file a complaint and ruin some careers. ;)"
Marine Friend says, "It depends on what is going on, too."

Me says, "From what he said, I took it to be just verbal comments."

Marine Friend says, "If they just make passing comments to him, it's minimal... if they seek him out and spend measurable quantities of time doing it... or physically harrass him, it's a bit different."
Marine Friend says, "I mean, if they're all headed out on Friday night, see him and go "Come out man... what's wrong, you gay?" then go on their way out..."
Marine Friend says, "Best advice is to get thicker skin."
Marine Friend says, "Hard to say, not having the details."

TALK ABOUT VARIOUS SERVICE MENTALITIES...

Marine Friend says, "However..."
Marine Friend says, "Do remember that the proper way to stop things is..."
Marine Friend says, "1.) Tell them to stop in a manner they can't misinterpret."
Marine Friend says, "2.) Take it up with your immediate chain of command."
Marine Friend says, "3.) If they don't help you to satisfaction, let them know you'll be sitting down with the Sgt. Major."
Marine Friend says, "But don't jump the immediate chain of command and don't threaten the culprits."
Marine Friend says, "And if you're willing to go to #3, just be ready."
Marine Friend says, "that gets ugly, for everyone."
Marine Friend says, "In my days (not that they were long ago)... the answer was suck it up... or kick their ass"
Marine Friend says, "But don't cry to Gunny, he doesn't precribe tampons. ;)"
Marine Friend says, "And I'm sure that culture still exists to some extent-- which is something to be mindful of."
Marine Friend says, "But officially, it's all touchy feely now."

[piabee]

First, it may be scandalous and probably will be. It will give others the idea he is fornicating (given their mindset now, that would be the logical thought process to expect).

Taking a girl on a date does not automatically mean that you are fornicating, whatever the cultural norms are. If someone wants to believe that, it is their problem and not yours. And why would they, when he has told them what his beliefs as a Catholic are?

As long as there are no suspicions of actual homosexual activity, then being suspected of having the disorder is not a scandal to others. Perhaps he will be a model of chastity to others who do have the disorder.

This is just all kinds of ridiculous. Why can't he be a model of chastity for straight people?

[Su]

Taking a girl on a date does not automatically mean that you are fornicating, whatever the cultural norms are. If someone wants to believe that, it is their problem and not yours. And why would they, when he has told them what his beliefs as a Catholic are?

Purposefully making it seem one is associating with females in order to appear "straight" to people who take his lack of interaction as being "homosexual" will not lead to non-scandalous perceptions. The whole point of this is that they think he is not fornicating with women, therefore, he is not interested in them.

This is just all kinds of ridiculous. Why can't he be a model of chastity for straight people?

The point was that he was called gay (either in jest or not) but not accused of homosexual activity, ie, they just do no think he is interested in women. So, if this is a real possible perception, then he will be a model against promiscuity, a major problem with people with same sex attraction.

[Mithrandylan]

I think it would be best to stop avoiding women.

Now, I'm not saying that you should violate Commandments 6 and 9, but getting a girlfriend couldn't hurt, or even just going on informal dates.

This, although by a separate issue.  Having a girlfriend isn't going to change anyone's minds about him-- he's up the proverbial creek with that one, these guys wanna here conquest stories.  So on that end I have no advice.  But yes, get yourself some female company. 

[Su]

But yes, get yourself some female company. 

Or remove excess male company. Right now, it is passive scandal. Moving into possible active scandal is bad.

[Mithrandylan]

But yes, get yourself some female company. 

Or remove excess male company. Right now, it is passive scandal. Moving into possible active scandal is bad.

Maybe I don't understand.  How is having a girlfriend or the company of a woman active scandal?  Or possible active scandal?

[Su]

Maybe I don't understand.  How is having a girlfriend or the company of a woman active scandal?  Or possible active scandal?

It is not his calling now, so to futility "court" or give the illusion of it, would be improper. Just being in the proximity of women isn't the issue. To alleviate this issue, it must seem he is pursuing a sexual interest and that alone is active scandal, otherwise these "comrades" won't perceive a difference.

[Neo-Floriano]

Not to flaunt but to get them to understand and have respect for you, letting them know indirectly that you are a practicing Catholic, could help. For instance do you carry your rosary, and is there a time convenient, where they can see you pray the rosary, and it does not interrupt your duties ?  A small prayerbook or a NT in your pocket which when there is time you use could will show them you are Catholic. These may not be the best examples and you probably know better ways suited to your life.

tim

A few of them have already come across me saying the Rosary. I wouldn't want to "show off" praying, though.

I think it would be best to stop avoiding women.

Now, I'm not saying that you should violate Commandments 6 and 9, but getting a girlfriend couldn't hurt, or even just going on informal dates.

That would look out of the ordinary, since none of them are in committed relationships or even dating because they're too busy. Well, they find enough time for casual relationships, though. I don't have the time or inclination to go on dates right now.

I still get some sh** now and then because I don't ask girls out at school or don't go to strip clubs.  One friend tells me to do whatever I have to to get girls, and I just realized that my life is much more peaceful when I don't worry about getting girls, because there is so much else to enjoy in life besides constantly worrying about girls.

I couldn't agree more.

On the main topic, I had a conversation with a friend who was until recently an active-duty Marine non-com.  Mind the profanity...

I find this helpful, thank you.


I'm not going to fight over this; it doesn't seem like anyone started this in a malicious way. Besides, I fight alongside these men; not against them. Not to mention the punishments that would be dished-out when our superiors find out of a fight.

I'm ruling out having female company because most women in the military, from my experience, are just like the men: constant fornicators.

[JayneK]

Is going to the Novus Ordo Mass an option for you or is it against your conscience?  If you attended it, then people might understand better that you are acting from religious conviction.