Hate Your Husband? (or Your Wife?) You probably expect too much.

[CollegeCatholic]

There's a difference between having hobbies and pursuing the hobbies themselves while having a look out for ladies and doing things for the sole purpose of finding ladies.  I think that the amount of effort put into finding a woman is inversely related to the amount of success one finds.

If that were the case, I would have gotten infinity women between the ages of 20 and 24.

And anyway, what if your hobbies don't involve other people?

That's your problem.  You know it doesn't exist in the real world, it's a mathematical concept. 

 

Yes, I do think I'm funny.   

[JoeVoxxPop]

Catholics dont rely on luck...but faith. Any man worth his salt in the day to day activities of his industry and growth will find himself with suitable ladys. good women are attracted to good men. What about church aren't there eligible young ladys there? Anyway...to say that leaving things happen in Gods time means...hoping to get lucky...you have a lot of faith maturing to do, which is why you dont have a bride yet.

[Phillipus Iacobus]

There seems to be two contrasting views, which I have seen here and elsewhere. The first is that a good Catholic, doing what they're supposed to according to their state of life, will come across the person meant for them as a spouse. The other view says this one is false, and that serious effort must be made, especially in these times, to find potential spouses.

[cgraye]

Catholics dont rely on luck...but faith. Any man worth his salt in the day to day activities of his industry and growth will find himself with suitable ladys.

How?  How is he going to find them if he doesn't go out and look for them?  How will they know anything about him if they don't make the effort to meet one another?

good women are attracted to good men.

Women are also attracted to projects - men that they need to fix.  Or senses of humor.  Or a whole host of other things.  Sometimes stable means "boring" to a young woman.  Women have a lot of variance in what they want.

What about church aren't there eligible young ladys there?

No.

Anyway...to say that leaving things happen in Gods time means...hoping to get lucky...you have a lot of faith maturing to do, which is why you dont have a bride yet.

Is God going to drop a meal in your lap if you don't go and seek out food?  Is God going to give you a house if you don't go and get one yourself?  No.  You aren't going to get anything you don't work for, unless you luck into it, but that's the exception rather than the rule.  In past times people didn't have this notion that people would just come across their perfect spouses by an act of God.  Sometimes they arranged marriages to make good matches.  Or they provided other means of getting young people together in their communities.

And sometimes it just doesn't happen.  People don't get food and starve to death.  They can't get houses and are homeless.  They don't find spouses and are lonely for the rest of their lives.  If you want to call that the will of God that we have to be resigned to, then fair enough, but that has no practical value whatsoever, because as long as I live I am going to do my best to get food and have a place to live, for example.  I simply cannot do anything else, and it would in fact be wrong to do so, in my opinion.

[ggreg]

Some traditionalists I have met, and equally some people in life who are not Catholic, need personality transplants.

Being able to crack a joke or laugh at oneself or make a romantic gesture would go along way to impressing the lady.  Whenever I wanted to date a girl I would do something fun interesting or exciting for her.  Once I turned up at an airport with 50 helium balloons and some large (but cheap) bunches of flowers for an Australian lady who had always wanted to be a singer songwriter.  I convinced the people waiting in arrivals to cheer and scream for "Rosemary" when she came out of the customs hall, just for a laugh.  It was like a flashmob before flash mobs existed.

She's never forgotten it.  She never got to be a star (too talented and not pretty enough) but she felt what it would be like for a moment.  And I videoed it, so she has it for posterity.  She's told me it was the nicest and most thoughtful thing anyone ever did for her.

Most women want to get together with a man who is going to be fun and interesting and a little bit crazy about them.  It does not take much effort to learn to dance the tango, croon a romantic Sinatra number under her window or some other personal, interesting gesture that says, "I am really into you".  Naturally you have to find out what she likes, but that just takes a little sneaky detective work beforehand.

Try to be friends with her and her friends for few weeks before asking her on a date. I have always found keeping it platonic at first and then laying my cards on the table after some gesture worked pretty well.  It is almost a make your mind up moment and most will date your because you're "different" and you have piqued their interest.  Women like a mystery and they like romance.  And many guys are too dull, dumb or stingy to do something to wow them.

I flew a French girl over London in a helicopter with her disabled twin sister, it had been a dream of both of theirs. Cost me about $300 to charter the chopper and I surprised them after Church.  First I put the sister in a black cab then told her the surprise and told her to keep it secret.  She called her sister and said come with me it is a surprise.  Who is going to say no?

 $300 might seem like a lot of dough, but frankly you could blow that on a couple of ordinary nights out which would not be appreciated or remembered.  Pretty girls get asked for steak dinner by guys all the time so that ain't going to set you apart.  The disabled sister liked me too and told her beautiful twin sister to date me because I was a romantic fool with a big heart, not to mention $300 to blow on a dream which tends to impress the ladies.

The money I spent dating girls was the best money I ever spent. Lots of great memories for them and me. And frankly if I added it all up I don't reckon it would exceed what many men spend on booze and video games.

Think outside the box, and use your brain to work out where the line is between crazy romantic and creepy.

Some Trads don't appear to understand this.  They are too matter of fact as though being crazy in love was a sign of weakness or a sin.  Maybe it is one, but chicks tend to be very attracted by it.

[Papist]

My brother and I were talking about this very topic the other day. We agreed that anyone over the age of twelve who uses says, "I fell out of love," should be beaten in public.

[ggreg]

Let's start with Engelbert Humperdink then.

[Spooky]

Ggreg, they should make a movie about you! 

[ggreg]

I just think outside the box.  I am a bit like the cat in Puss in Boots who finds a way to manipulate his master from poor miller's son to the Marquis of Carabas.  Don't work hard, work smart.  When I read the story as a kid, I thought to myself, "that cat is smart".

Take calculated risks where you can afford the loss but the upside or gain is tremendous.

Be a nutter.  Life is much more fun.

[Walty]

Cgraye, I don't think voxx or I are saying that this is a foolproof method or that every man will find a wife by doing these things, only that this is the best way to go about finding someone to marry.  There are folks who want marriage but will not find a spouse.  There are no guarantees in life.

But I'm not quite sure what there is to argue with in what we're saying.  Do you believe that there is some other course of action that allows one to be more successful in finding a good partner?  Sure, you can be a dick and attract girls that way, but not the sort of girls in question.