Marriage Problem

[Walty]

Whenever this happens, I try to remind myself that God is the ultimate judge and eventually, your husband will have to give an account to Our Lord for the way he treated you.  You are his vocation, which is the path God has set before him for the salvation of his soul, and if he treats you badly that could have some dangerous consequences for his soul if he doesn't become more self-aware.

While this is true, I don't think it's a good practice.  It seems somewhat vengeful.  Of course our enemies will get theirs from the Lord.  Justice will be served.  But especially in marriage, we ought to be always thinking of mercy, always thinking of ways to engage our spouse, to make the relationship better, etc.  The moment we begin feeling sorry for ourselves and wishing the other person got what they deserved (or even just comforting ourselves with the thought) is the moment that the entire thing unravels.

To the OP, I'm biased but I don't think the computer thing should bother you all that much.  As others have stated, if he's staying healthy and his business is doing well then this is merely his hobby.  If you dislike it, make it known to him, but if he's not doing anything specifically wrong then he shouldn't need to change (unless this is a sudden change for him).  Maybe you could try and engage him in some of the things which he reads about online?  Of course, he needs to make time for you apart from the computer.  Does he get on the computer when you're not around or does he ignore you when you are?

The other stuff is inexcusable.

And ggreg, how did you so perfectly nail my nightly routine?

[The_Harlequin_King]

Surfing news and conspiracy crap every night seems awfully boring to me. Just sayin'.

[Walty]

Surfing news and conspiracy crap every night seems awfully boring to me. Just sayin'.

 

[Scriptorium]

Just to give my two cents on using computer etc. There is nothing wrong with this, but we must admit that using the thing all day is extreme. Use for work? Okay. Maybe a little recreation? Okay. How much do you need? 30 minutes? An hour? The point is he is taking time from the family. He is staying up all night, but also sleeping in. If you want your all night fun, you need to be up at the crack of dawn to be available. Be available! Everybody is sucked into these time wasting machines. I mean, besides work, the proportion of recreation seems extreme. Husbands need to realize a basic philosophy I abide by, if you aren't "at work" then everything is 50/50. The kids are 50/50, the dishes and laundry are 50/50. Etc. Now everyone can divide their tasks, but it is everyone's responsibility. Sleeping during the daytime when the kids are up and mama is working is not appropriate. The basic point is he is taking too much. And no argument of him deserving it will do. That is simply without ground. Does mama get to take hours of recreation? You know the answer.  It could have been watching sports, going out with the guys, or whatever. As a husband and father, I am sorely saddened that so many think that time out of work is "free time", and really place too many burdens on our wives. I am not accusing anyone here of this. We men need to be available, and really justly divide the duties of the household.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it: That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any; such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish. So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife, loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, as also Christ does the Church: Because we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

Eph 5:25-30

[The_Harlequin_King]

Surfing news and conspiracy crap every night seems awfully boring to me. Just sayin'.

 

Hey, man, it's nice to be informed and all, but there's a certain point in which if you really care about politics and current events so much that you want to read about it all night  every night, you need to stop being a keyboard warrior and hit the streets. Act on your knowledge, make a change for the better. Otherwise, it's just like whacking off to a different kind of porn. Not sexy at all.

It may not seem like it since I advocate a life of leisure so often, but I still believe a good man needs to be a man of action.

[ggreg]

Surfing news and conspiracy crap every night seems awfully boring to me. Just sayin'.

Give it a few years.

It has it's moments.

Everything is boring to me anyway in as much as I have been doing it for 43 years.  I am too old to take up drinking, drugs or skydiving and even if I did I would soon be bored of them.

My highlight of this week was eating some peanut butter on toast washed down with a glass of milk.

My highlight the previous week was singing Karaoke in a Georgian restaurant in Kharkov.

The week before that, repairing my dishwasher and saving myself $800 buying a new one.

[ggreg]

Whenever this happens, I try to remind myself that God is the ultimate judge and eventually, your husband will have to give an account to Our Lord for the way he treated you.  You are his vocation, which is the path God has set before him for the salvation of his soul, and if he treats you badly that could have some dangerous consequences for his soul if he doesn't become more self-aware.

While this is true, I don't think it's a good practice.  It seems somewhat vengeful.  Of course our enemies will get theirs from the Lord.  Justice will be served.  But especially in marriage, we ought to be always thinking of mercy, always thinking of ways to engage our spouse, to make the relationship better, etc.  The moment we begin feeling sorry for ourselves and wishing the other person got what they deserved (or even just comforting ourselves with the thought) is the moment that the entire thing unravels.

To the OP, I'm biased but I don't think the computer thing should bother you all that much.  As others have stated, if he's staying healthy and his business is doing well then this is merely his hobby.  If you dislike it, make it known to him, but if he's not doing anything specifically wrong then he shouldn't need to change (unless this is a sudden change for him).  Maybe you could try and engage him in some of the things which he reads about online?  Of course, he needs to make time for you apart from the computer.  Does he get on the computer when you're not around or does he ignore you when you are?

The other stuff is inexcusable.

And ggreg, how did you so perfectly nail my nightly routine?

Simple.  I was mine too until I got myself an iPad and went to bed straight after work.  Now my Russian is happier and my energy bills are lower.

I just read the headlines now at Rense.com, ATS, Drudge and Alex Jones.  That only take a few minutes. The articles are mostly bunk anyways.

I watch a lot of YouTube videos, documentaries mostly.

I am posting here less too.

[Walty]

Whenever this happens, I try to remind myself that God is the ultimate judge and eventually, your husband will have to give an account to Our Lord for the way he treated you.  You are his vocation, which is the path God has set before him for the salvation of his soul, and if he treats you badly that could have some dangerous consequences for his soul if he doesn't become more self-aware.

While this is true, I don't think it's a good practice.  It seems somewhat vengeful.  Of course our enemies will get theirs from the Lord.  Justice will be served.  But especially in marriage, we ought to be always thinking of mercy, always thinking of ways to engage our spouse, to make the relationship better, etc.  The moment we begin feeling sorry for ourselves and wishing the other person got what they deserved (or even just comforting ourselves with the thought) is the moment that the entire thing unravels.

To the OP, I'm biased but I don't think the computer thing should bother you all that much.  As others have stated, if he's staying healthy and his business is doing well then this is merely his hobby.  If you dislike it, make it known to him, but if he's not doing anything specifically wrong then he shouldn't need to change (unless this is a sudden change for him).  Maybe you could try and engage him in some of the things which he reads about online?  Of course, he needs to make time for you apart from the computer.  Does he get on the computer when you're not around or does he ignore you when you are?

The other stuff is inexcusable.

And ggreg, how did you so perfectly nail my nightly routine?

Simple.  I was mine too until I got myself an iPad and went to bed straight after work.  Now my Russian is happier and my energy bills are lower.

I just read the headlines now at Rense.com, ATS, Drudge and Alex Jones.  That only take a few minutes. The articles are mostly bunk anyways.

I watch a lot of YouTube videos, documentaries mostly.

I am posting here less too.

I only surf in bed with the spouse.  I only mostly read the headlines at the above as well.  ATS has some interesting threads, but I mostly use it as a news source.  I read the OP, a few comments, and then move on.

But I feel infinitely more comfortable living in the world when I'm aware of what is happening in it.  People think nothing of someone who reads the daily newspaper or cnn.com.  This is the same, only for folks who want to be able to make the decision of whether they're being duped or not.

[verenaerin]

Surfing news and conspiracy crap every night seems awfully boring to me. Just sayin'.

You are reading the wrong conspiracies.

[Walty]

Surfing news and conspiracy crap every night seems awfully boring to me. Just sayin'.

 

Hey, man, it's nice to be informed and all, but there's a certain point in which if you really care about politics and current events so much that you want to read about it all night  every night, you need to stop being a keyboard warrior and hit the streets. Act on your knowledge, make a change for the better. Otherwise, it's just like whacking off to a different kind of porn. Not sexy at all.

It may not seem like it since I advocate a life of leisure so often, but I still believe a good man needs to be a man of action.

I like to act, but it's mostly out of self-preservation.  I don't intend to change the world.  I waved goodbye to that when I decided not to become a priest.  

I guess it could be described as pornographic, but only insofar as it is entertaining.  But I feel that it also helps keep me informed, both academically, and practically.  If I feel that something is sure enough to act upon, then I do, in the best interest of my family.