Marriage & Coworkers of the Opposite Sex

[cgraye]

With all due respect, Walty, I disagree.  If someone is going to develop a crush, they will do so in a group setting. 

I do not think that the likelihood is the same in groups as it is in one-on-one situations.  Nor do I think it's the case that every crush that developed one-on-one would have definitely developed in a group.

I disagree with that, but I do agree with your general point - I don't think a man and woman should meet alone, even in public, if at least one of them is married.  Aside from creating possibilities for infidelity, there are also the issues of possible scandal and the feelings of the spouses.  I don't think this is extreme - I thought this was pretty conventional Catholic wisdom, actually.

[per_passionem_eius]

With all due respect, Walty, I disagree.  If someone is going to develop a crush, they will do so in a group setting. 

I do not think that the likelihood is the same in groups as it is in one-on-one situations.  Nor do I think it's the case that every crush that developed one-on-one would have definitely developed in a group.

I disagree with that, but I do agree with your general point - I don't think a man and woman should meet alone, even in public, if at least one of them is married.  Aside from creating possibilities for infidelity, there are also the issues of possible scandal and the feelings of the spouses.  I don't think this is extreme - I thought this was pretty conventional Catholic wisdom, actually.

I agree 100% with Walty and cgraye.

[GottmitunsAlex]

The jealousy factor aside, (and I sense there is one). The meet will be in a public place, with his previous employer/boss, over coffee. mmm, I don't see the crime in that. (Or intent of, for that matter.)
Trust must also come into play.

If the meet was with a former girlfriend, or a female "friend/acquaintance" whom you have never heard of, well, that's a different story.

But, he evidently confides his plans to you. And rightly so. Maybe it's a career move, strategy, game plan, who knows.

I would not make a big deal over this.

Oh, and for that 30 minute coffee meeting, try not to call him. Wait for his call once it's over.
 
 
 

[JubilateDeo83]

JubilateDeo83

Is your husband a Catholic.  And if so what sort?  Lapsed, NO or Trad?

he's a traditional Catholic

[3Sanctus]

You could suggest having the woman over for coffee/tea at your place if that would make you more comfortable.  That way the three of you could spend some time socializing and while they talk business you could still be within earshot.

Given your current feelings, I would understand if you do not want him bringing female friends to your house, even with you home, but that would allow you know exactly what's going on so there's no lingering questions in your mind.

Just a suggestion...praying for you.

[Jenn]

In this day and age, "networking" is inevitable, and plenty of networking takes place over coffee, dinner, and/or drinks. Since there are both men and women out in the workforce, it is next to impossible to avoid things like this 100% of the time. I don't have a problem with it in principle. I do, however, think it should be avoided (if possible) if the spouse objects to it.

[Walty]

I think that CGraye made a good point above and that this has always been my understanding of conventional Catholic teaching.

However, even apart from this question, it seems obvious that folks shouldn't spend time with the opposite sex if their spouses don't feel comfortable with it.  In this case, the OP does not feel comfortable with her husband spending time "alone" with this woman.

Jubilate, I think that you should speak with your husband about this and ask him not to meet with this woman.  If it makes you feel uncomfortable then you are more than within your rights to ask him to cancel.  And it is his duty to oblige.

[DrBombay]

A priest I know (not  traddie, he's NO) never meets with a married woman alone under any circumstances.  Her husband is always present.  And he never calls a married woman on her cell phone, just her house phone.

I think that's a wise policy.  If your husband is aware of your concern he's being a stone cold son of a bitch and needs a kick in his ass.  If he's not aware of your concern maybe he's just a clueless scatter brain.  In either case, he needs to be told very firmly (but calmly) once more exactly why you don't like it and why it's inappropriate.  And don't argue with him about it.  You're not soliciting his opinion.  You're informing him it's inappropriate and he needs to not do it.  Period.

[OCLittleFlower]

A priest I know (not  traddie, he's NO) never meets with a married woman alone under any circumstances.  Her husband is always present.  And he never calls a married woman on her cell phone, just her house phone.

Both are unwise, actually.

Not everyone even HAS a house phone any longer.  My husband and I don't.  Most of our friends don't.  He would literally be unable to call me back.

As for meeting alone, there are reasons where it would be MORE wise to do so.  Cases of abuse, etc, as well as things relating to spiritual struggles on the part of the wife that she may not wish to make public. Also, some married women practice the faith without the support of their husbands, and would never be able to meet with a priest if he had to bother to show up for the meeting.  If scandal is an issue, they can meet where they are seen -- in an office with a window in the door, etc.  I mean, I assume this priest hears the confessions of married women -- and suggesting that a priest speaking with a married woman is a scandal would make this too suspect, especially to those who do not understand the Sacrament.

[HuskerTom]

If my wife saw the majority of my female co-workers, she'd have no issue with me going out to coffee with them.     Though I jest (slightly), I think if there is a complete absence of physical attraction between a man and a woman, there should be no problems with going out after work for business purposes.

That being said, I wholeheartedly agree with cgraye and Walty that the Catholic position is to avoid these situations (especially if both parties could have some physical attraction to one another, and most definitely if it involves an ex) as they could become near occasions of sin, even if one intends nothing sinful prior to the meeting.

Just knowing my own weaknesses and temptations, I would not want to put myself into that kind of situation, and I know my wife wouldn't want me to either (and vice versa, though I trust her more than myself).  Even though I know in my heart I wouldn't cheat, why would I even put myself in that position if it's not necessary?