Marriage & Coworkers of the Opposite Sex

[wallflower]

With all due respect, Walty, I disagree.  If someone is going to develop a crush, they will do so in a group setting. 

I do not think that the likelihood is the same in groups as it is in one-on-one situations.  Nor do I think it's the case that every crush that developed one-on-one would have definitely developed in a group.

I disagree with that, but I do agree with your general point - I don't think a man and woman should meet alone, even in public, if at least one of them is married.  Aside from creating possibilities for infidelity, there are also the issues of possible scandal and the feelings of the spouses.  I don't think this is extreme - I thought this was pretty conventional Catholic wisdom, actually.

Well, as for me and my family here, we'd be out on the street were that so. People have to work, you know, men and women, and this isn't the middle ages. Women are part of the scene.

THIS!

Now, talking about scandal. I cannot believe people see this as a "possible scandal". But, on the flip-side, it's OK to go to a protestant service because it's a wedding!
That is not scandalous at all.
 

It's been my understanding all through the thread that people know that men and women are in the work place together. The objections have been about them hanging out on a personal level, one on one when married to others. The OP isn't really clear about whether this is truly a work meeting or a personal "catching up" outing so both have been discussed.

[Jacafamala]

With all due respect, Walty, I disagree.  If someone is going to develop a crush, they will do so in a group setting. 

I do not think that the likelihood is the same in groups as it is in one-on-one situations.  Nor do I think it's the case that every crush that developed one-on-one would have definitely developed in a group.

I disagree with that, but I do agree with your general point - I don't think a man and woman should meet alone, even in public, if at least one of them is married.  Aside from creating possibilities for infidelity, there are also the issues of possible scandal and the feelings of the spouses.  I don't think this is extreme - I thought this was pretty conventional Catholic wisdom, actually.

Well, as for me and my family here, we'd be out on the street were that so. People have to work, you know, men and women, and this isn't the middle ages. Women are part of the scene.

THIS!

Now, talking about scandal. I cannot believe people see this as a "possible scandal". But, on the flip-side, it's OK to go to a protestant service because it's a wedding!
That is not scandalous at all.
 

It's been my understanding all through the thread that people know that men and women are in the work place together. The objections have been about them hanging out on a personal level, one on one when married to others. The OP isn't really clear about whether this is truly a work meeting or a personal "catching up" outing so both have been discussed.

Part of work in many instances is networking, making connections, being social, that sort of thing. Perhaps not in all cases, but for many people I know that's the case. If I were the op's shoes, (and I am because every week my husbands off at Starbucks having coffee with all kinds of people that he's working with), I think I'd be inclined to let him go have coffee with the lady.

And you know, if you hold the reigns too tight in a marriage, it's going to cause a lot of unnecessary stress. Some of the best marriage advice I ever received came from an older married friend. She said if your husband comes home late, don't complain. Keep his dinner plate warm on the stove and give him his dinner. But she was talking about a basically good husband, not a playboy or a guy that spends his paycheck at the bar.

[GottmitunsAlex]

With all due respect, Walty, I disagree.  If someone is going to develop a crush, they will do so in a group setting. 

I do not think that the likelihood is the same in groups as it is in one-on-one situations.  Nor do I think it's the case that every crush that developed one-on-one would have definitely developed in a group.

I disagree with that, but I do agree with your general point - I don't think a man and woman should meet alone, even in public, if at least one of them is married.  Aside from creating possibilities for infidelity, there are also the issues of possible scandal and the feelings of the spouses.  I don't think this is extreme - I thought this was pretty conventional Catholic wisdom, actually.

Well, as for me and my family here, we'd be out on the street were that so. People have to work, you know, men and women, and this isn't the middle ages. Women are part of the scene.

THIS!

Now, talking about scandal. I cannot believe people see this as a "possible scandal". But, on the flip-side, it's OK to go to a protestant service because it's a wedding!
That is not scandalous at all.
 

It's been my understanding all through the thread that people know that men and women are in the work place together. The objections have been about them hanging out on a personal level, one on one when married to others. The OP isn't really clear about whether this is truly a work meeting or a personal "catching up" outing so both have been discussed.

Part of work in many instances is networking, making connections, being social, that sort of thing. Perhaps not in all cases, but for many people I know that's the case. If I were the op's shoes, (and I am because every week my husbands off at Starbucks having coffee with all kinds of people that he's working with), I think I'd be inclined to let him go have coffee with the lady.

And you know, if you hold the reigns too tight in a marriage, it's going to cause a lot of unnecessary stress. Some of the best marriage advice I ever received came from an older married friend. She said if your husband comes home late, don't complain. Keep his dinner plate warm on the stove and give him his dinner. But she was talking about a basically good husband, not a playboy or a guy that spends his paycheck at the bar.

Jacafamala, why do you have to ruin a good jealousy story with common sense?
 

[rbjmartin]

Part of work in many instances is networking, making connections, being social, that sort of thing. Perhaps not in all cases, but for many people I know that's the case. If I were the op's shoes, (and I am because every week my husbands off at Starbucks having coffee with all kinds of people that he's working with), I think I'd be inclined to let him go have coffee with the lady.

This is a really good point. This especially applies if your spouse works in sales, marketing, or business development, where relationships define your work. The same would also apply to most small business owners.

[Malleus Haereticorum]

The main problem in my estimation is the fact that he doesn't see to your needs first. That sounds like trouble brewing. But if you were satisfied with his attentions, you probably wouldn't have thought to post this topic at all even if he were to meet other women for coffee.

The matter of meeting opposite-sex friends at all is one of personal taste. To be honest, a "woman's woman" (a woman who actually prefers the company of other women) is something of a rarity in my social circles.

Yeah, I think it is because i feel like he isn't even considering how I feel about this.  There have been times when he has mentioned to me that Diane from Marketing or Jessica from Tech wants to get together with him for a drink after work to discuss some work related matter.  It encouraged trust when he at least mentioned it to me beforehand and showed that he at least cared what I thought.  Plus, he also paid more attention to me & didn't take me for granted as much.  Any criticism of his behavior is seen as nagging & ignored.  I try to offer this up rather than try to change anything but it is hard not to allow myself to get hurt once in awhile.  It's just hard to trust someone to be pure & faithful when they don't show any sign that they still care about you.  All the other men in his family cheated on their wives like it was a national pasttime (they are Italian) and he says he will never follow in their footsteps but I don't know.

I agree that some people are more inclined toward opposite-sex friendships than others.  There are men out there that I enjoy talking to, but I see no need to have private, 1-on-1 conversations with any of them.   I think in today's equal-rights, mixed gender work environment people have lost sight of the fact that gender matters.  Coworkers getting together outside work is how a lot of marriages end, so why even give off the appearance?

Maybe you should call him up out of the blue and tell him you have something really important to tell him and as him if he could meet you after work for a drink.  Then when you get there dont say anything until he asks what was so important - and them tell him "we are".  Tell him , In fact to you "We" are the most important thing in Your life.  and that if making an appointment is the only way you can get some of that time - then......................  You get the picture.   

Sometimes guys need to be reminded.

Be Proactive.

[Grace]

JubliateDeo83:

I just read through this whole thread and now I'm wondering if this coffee date came to pass, or whether you talked to your H and what he ended up doing.  What happened? 

[jordanawef]

A married person seeing a member of the opposite sex alone, for friendship purposes, is not appropriate.  If it is business related, then cordially, there may be discussion/meeting, but anything progressing into a friendship beyond business matters is inappropriate. 

[Vetus Ordo]

Sex knows no boundaries.

Don't fool yourselves with false pietism.