jen51
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« Reply #30 on: April 27, 2012, 08:40:PM » |
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Thankyou, wallflower. Some of the things you said sound very much like my friend. She isn't well suited for the area, and I think the new way of life out there is going to be hard for her. Back before she met her husband she had big dreams of selling all of her things (the little that she had) and move to Africa to work with some missionary friends she had over there. She's never had dreams of being wealthy... in fact I think she almost despised wealth. Her husbands family is very rich, so acquiring a big new house is the next logical step for him. This new house that they purchased is first class, fancy, and complete with a nice portion of prime acreage... none of which was her idea. Adjusting to nice things has been very uncomfortable for her, mainly because its never been her ideal. She is such a sweet girl, and she really is trying. Like you she has been trying to make herself do it, and she really beats herself up about it when it seems as though she's not getting anywhere with the adjustment.
You're right, I think she does need time. And I also thinks she needs to not condemn herself so much. I will surely pass on your words to her. Thankyou very much.
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Fontevrault
Red Fish
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« Reply #31 on: April 27, 2012, 08:43:PM » |
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Wallflower,
Your comments make a lot of sense! I hope you don't mind me using them as the basis for sharing something.
My family has moved a lot - both as a kid and as an adult. I think I've moved well over 10 times - something like 17 or so. There were places we hated, and other places I still consider home. One thing my mom said to me has stuck with me: God puts us in a particular place for a reason. We need to look for that reason and be ever mindful that we are working to do His will. Sometimes the worst locations can bring us tremendous gifts. When my parents moved to Florida, we lived in a nice middle class neighborhood - or so we thought. Then we learned more about our neighbors. There was a gun bunny living next door who had armor piercing rounds and followed the police on drug busts. There was a house near us that turned out to be a brothel. Girls from the local high school were selling themselves for drugs. It was horrible. But my parents decided to become foster parents during this time. We ended up helping a little boy who I still consider my brother. His mother was a crack whore. She used to turn tricks in their trailer and make her son stand out on the front porch while she did so. She took him with her to buy drugs one day and that's how he got taken away. We think she molested him - but we will never know. We had a wonderful opportunity to help this little boy, teach him, mentor him, and watch him come alive. He is still in contact with all of us and has built a life for himself that we are proud of. Though he did go back to his mom, we all treasure the time we shared. I remember helping him with his homework and telling him that he could take pride in his work and do anything his set his mind to do. I remember the smile on his face when he took his grades from Fs to Bs and As. This little boy touched all our hearts and made a horrible time in a horrible place worthwhile.
Jen, perhaps your friend hasn't found her reason for being in Colorado yet. Perhaps God will give her a tremendous gift. I pray this is so.
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« Last Edit: April 27, 2012, 08:45:PM by Fontevrault »
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jen51
Gold Fish
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Posts: 1,164
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« Reply #32 on: April 27, 2012, 08:57:PM » |
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Fontevrault, what an encouaging story! God bless your family for walking in God's will with purpose. Thankyou for sharing that. I will retell your story to my friend. It would be just the kind of thing to spur her on. I think, especially as women, seeing a purpose, or at least knowing there is a purpose that hasn't been revealed yet, helps us to brighten up a bit and be more hopeful, and in turn more docile and less inclined to worry.
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OCLittleFlower
Gold Fish
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Location: Orange County
Personality type: sanguine
Posts: 9,645
Celebrating two years of wedded bliss.
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« Reply #33 on: April 27, 2012, 09:03:PM » |
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Thankyou, wallflower. Some of the things you said sound very much like my friend. She isn't well suited for the area, and I think the new way of life out there is going to be hard for her. Back before she met her husband she had big dreams of selling all of her things (the little that she had) and move to Africa to work with some missionary friends she had over there. She's never had dreams of being wealthy... in fact I think she almost despised wealth. Her husbands family is very rich, so acquiring a big new house is the next logical step for him. This new house that they purchased is first class, fancy, and complete with a nice portion of prime acreage... none of which was her idea. Adjusting to nice things has been very uncomfortable for her, mainly because its never been her ideal. She is such a sweet girl, and she really is trying. Like you she has been trying to make herself do it, and she really beats herself up about it when it seems as though she's not getting anywhere with the adjustment.
You're right, I think she does need time. And I also thinks she needs to not condemn herself so much. I will surely pass on your words to her. Thankyou very much.
It sounds like her husband is trying to give her what he thinks is a good life. And, lets face it -- most women would be thrilled with a big, beautiful home. Not that your friend is wrong for wanting a simpler life, but I can see where her husband is coming from as well. However, life is made up of the simple things, and one can have a good life even if things aren't ideal. Perhaps she should focus on trying to appreciate these nice things she has been given and try not to feel guilt over them, but instead turn the house into a home. |
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@~~~~~ Mrs. Deusdark The trouble with quotes on the internet is that they can't be verified -- Abraham Lincoln     --click on us to level us up. thanks--  |
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jen51
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« Reply #34 on: April 27, 2012, 09:33:PM » |
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Yeh, definately, OC. Good words. Her husband is a good fellow, and he really does want to give her the best. They just need to get on the same page.
Marriage seems rough.... *gulp*
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JuniorCouncilor
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« Reply #35 on: April 27, 2012, 10:14:PM » |
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That's what the one really close married friend I have says, yeah. On the other hand, it seems like as in so many cases, there were issues here that should have been dealth with before marriage that were ignored instead. I was recently reflecting on marriage with a bachelor friend of mine, and I noted that among family and friends of my generation, almost all of whom are now married, every single one of the failed marriages was eminently predictable. Every single one of them. Most of them, if we were honest with ourselves, it would have been more amazing if something didn't go wrong. So I don't give up hope on having a happy marriage someday. Even if it's hard, which seems to be almost universally acknowledged among those who take it seriously, it's also got to be fulfilling. That said, I'll just shut up and  since as a bachelor I have no other business in this thread. |
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John Matthews
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jen51
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« Reply #36 on: April 27, 2012, 10:39:PM » |
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So I don't give up hope on having a happy marriage someday. Even if it's hard, which seems to be almost universally acknowledged among those who take it seriously, it's also got to be fulfilling.
Good attitude to have. Also, I think being a serious Catholic gives us good reason to hope, because we have the sacraments to aid us. The more I learn about marriage from my own studying, and speaking with married friends, the more grateful I am to have them as my aid in my future married life (God willing). Without them, I would more than likely be toasted. |
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James02
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« Reply #37 on: April 28, 2012, 09:22:AM » |
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Having the biblical principle that divorce is impossible is a great blessing. Even in the worst fight, you have that in the back of your mind. You have to make it work. It is a blessing that only the Catholic Church has.
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"God's Wrath is Glorious, and I have a front row seat"
"We can not guarantee success. We can only deserve it."
"And who do you say that I Am?"
"That one simple question, whether Jesus of Nazareth was God Incarnate, becomes increasingly decisive between people, as history moves forward. .... The answer to this question cuts into human ties and seems to reflect even on the nature of inanimate things. What if: all that is folly in the eyes of the Greeks, and scandal in the eyes of the Jews, ... is Truth?"
And there was no doubt about it -- towards Him we had been running, or from Him we had been running away, but all the time He had been in the center of things.
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wallflower
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« Reply #38 on: April 28, 2012, 09:26:AM » |
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Thankyou, wallflower. Some of the things you said sound very much like my friend. She isn't well suited for the area, and I think the new way of life out there is going to be hard for her. Back before she met her husband she had big dreams of selling all of her things (the little that she had) and move to Africa to work with some missionary friends she had over there. She's never had dreams of being wealthy... in fact I think she almost despised wealth. Her husbands family is very rich, so acquiring a big new house is the next logical step for him. This new house that they purchased is first class, fancy, and complete with a nice portion of prime acreage... none of which was her idea. Adjusting to nice things has been very uncomfortable for her, mainly because its never been her ideal. She is such a sweet girl, and she really is trying. Like you she has been trying to make herself do it, and she really beats herself up about it when it seems as though she's not getting anywhere with the adjustment.
You're right, I think she does need time. And I also thinks she needs to not condemn herself so much. I will surely pass on your words to her. Thankyou very much.
Sounds like a woman after my own heart. It's a weird hangup to have but I am the same way when it comes to wealth or dreams of it. There's almost a guilt complex thinking that the money going to my luxury should really go to someone else's necessity. It has the potential to be a virtue but I don't know that's it's quite there. It can generate an agitation that probably isn't virtuous. I wonder if there's a way she can put her generosity to good use for the needy in her area? If her husband is a penny pincher she may not be able to or she may have to get creative in how she does it. That brings us back to what others have suggested about volunteer work. Perhaps it could give her a deeper sense of purpose than just bringing in more cash. |
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wallflower
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« Reply #39 on: April 28, 2012, 09:29:AM » |
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Wallflower,
Your comments make a lot of sense! I hope you don't mind me using them as the basis for sharing something.
My family has moved a lot - both as a kid and as an adult. I think I've moved well over 10 times - something like 17 or so. There were places we hated, and other places I still consider home. One thing my mom said to me has stuck with me: God puts us in a particular place for a reason. We need to look for that reason and be ever mindful that we are working to do His will. Sometimes the worst locations can bring us tremendous gifts. When my parents moved to Florida, we lived in a nice middle class neighborhood - or so we thought. Then we learned more about our neighbors. There was a gun bunny living next door who had armor piercing rounds and followed the police on drug busts. There was a house near us that turned out to be a brothel. Girls from the local high school were selling themselves for drugs. It was horrible. But my parents decided to become foster parents during this time. We ended up helping a little boy who I still consider my brother. His mother was a crack whore. She used to turn tricks in their trailer and make her son stand out on the front porch while she did so. She took him with her to buy drugs one day and that's how he got taken away. We think she molested him - but we will never know. We had a wonderful opportunity to help this little boy, teach him, mentor him, and watch him come alive. He is still in contact with all of us and has built a life for himself that we are proud of. Though he did go back to his mom, we all treasure the time we shared. I remember helping him with his homework and telling him that he could take pride in his work and do anything his set his mind to do. I remember the smile on his face when he took his grades from Fs to Bs and As. This little boy touched all our hearts and made a horrible time in a horrible place worthwhile.
Jen, perhaps your friend hasn't found her reason for being in Colorado yet. Perhaps God will give her a tremendous gift. I pray this is so.
Thank you for sharing that. I've lately been able to entertain the idea that maybe we are here for a reason, but you've helped confirm it.  |
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