Are Traditional Women too Choosy with Men?

[Parmandur]

A lot of Trads, not a majority, but a significant minority are overly concerned with externals. They have grown up in families where people were like that and they have a sort of external shell to their personality which can make them a little stiff or dull.

As people get older most develop tastes, passions, styles etc. These are generally the things the opposite sex are attracted to. The more obvious these traits the better you are going to do at the dating game.

It helps to see yourself through the eyes of the opposite sex and develop and improve the traits they find positive, so that rather than merely features those traits are decision making.

Boring really means non differentiating and clearly most people like to feel that their spouse is in someway special or that they got a catch.

My wife rejected richer, smarter and more handsome men than me. I worked out why.

It's a competition and therefore the principles of sales and marketing apply.

Yes, and there isn't anything wrong with that, either.  It is hardly a "chastisement," but natural law playing itself out.

[OCLittleFlower]

I think some women are too choosy, and some aren't choosy enough.  Personally, I think that if you find someone who is a Trad Catholic with good morals, who works a good job, and who you get along with alright and whose company you enjoy -- that should be enough.  And I'll throw in "not ugly," just to be kind.  But looks fade.  And most women have a better grasp of that one than most men.

As far as the male virginty topic -- I value it, very much.  Who wants used goods?  Not I, that's for sure.  Who wants nasty diseases?  And the arguement that more experenced men are better -- well, I doubt it.  Experence with other women could actually lead to issues once the man marries -- the things that his ex liked might not be to his wife's liking.  Much better to learn together, I think.

[Spooky]

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it's not them, it's you? Maybe girls go "ice cold" when you show interest not because they're "game playing" but really aren't interested?

[ggreg]

I think some women are too choosy, and some aren't choosy enough.  Personally, I think that if you find someone who is a Trad Catholic with good morals, who works a good job, and who you get along with alright and whose company you enjoy -- that should be enough.  And I'll throw in "not ugly," just to be kind.  But looks fade.  And most women have a better grasp of that one than most men.

As far as the male virginty topic -- I value it, very much.  Who wants used goods?  Not I, that's for sure.  Who wants nasty diseases?  And the arguement that more experenced men are better -- well, I doubt it.  Experence with other women could actually lead to issues once the man marries -- the things that his ex liked might not be to his wife's liking.  Much better to learn together, I think.

I buy pretty much everything used if I can.  So I like used goods.  They are much better value.

Nasty diseases?  These are relatively rare.  A small minority of very promiscuous and ignorant people have them and most of the time they are related to drug use not simply hetrosexual sex.

Are more experienced soccer players, gardeners, poker players, acrobats and masseurs better at what they do?  Yes, of course they are.  It stands to reason that a person who has had sex with other partners is (more often than not) going to have got better at it with practice.

Now certainly I can understand why a woman might place a very high value on having an exclusive man, like having a one off dress or handbag that no other woman can ever own, but let's not pretend that virgins know how to press all the right physical buttons, because it simply is not true.

[ggreg]

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it's not them, it's you? Maybe girls go "ice cold" when you show interest not because they're "game playing" but really aren't interested?

I had about 80% of girls disinterested, 15% of girls friendly and chatty but not over the moon (I had to work at it) and maybe one in 20 girls really liked my personality and thought the sun shone out of my arse.

Generally I put women off me because I have a very dominant personality and I am stubborn and very alpha.  In conjunction with being of average looks this meant I had to work hard to find the chicks who liked my personality.  The good think was that thick and uncultured girls nearly always hated me as did the feminist types.  Which was useful.

As a teenager I would typically go to parties with say 25 girls and by midnight 2 of those girls would be in some deep conversation with me.  I didn't drink or smoke, so I had to find the lady who was looking for something different.

As with any marketing plan it is all about knowing your unique selling points and not trying to be all things to all women.

There is a 16 year old guy living a few doors away from me who is 6 foot 1 and looks like a male model.  He would have the opposite problem.  All the slags would be trying to get him as a trophey boyfriend and all the girls he would like would lack the confidence to date him.

The best looking Traditionalist Catholic woman in the UK was my best female friend and dated my best male friend, (I introduced them).  She had all sorts of problems even getting asked out by Trad men in the early 1990s because they were put off by her stunning looks.  Think Kim Kardashian.

So everyone has there problems and challenges.  Smart people work out who is going to be attracted to them and why and focus on the people they have a better chance with.

If you are a crap dancer don't meet girls in dancehalls.  If you are thick don't chat up swotty girls in libaries.

[kingtheoden]

Hey, why ya gottta pick on Tony?  

Why should women prefer one particular fashion style over another?  If fashion is important, go with what's in style, that is what will get women's attention.

Oh don't get me wrong, Tony's style is sharp.  A good blend of Mad Men and contemporary class.  I was meaning more his particular brand of 'courtship.'

Regarding chastisement, certainly I don't mean the normal interpersonal relations, which are by nature awkward.  Rather I am posing the question, is there a sort of an across the board exodus from marriage and is it more or less the same in traditional communities, despite our efforts?

[/quote]

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it's not them, it's you? Maybe girls go "ice cold" when you show interest not because they're "game playing" but really aren't interested?

Returning to the above, when I play the Tony DiNozzo game, it is a very different outcome.  So yeah, while it is 'me' in a sense, from personal experience I can say that there appears to be a strong tendancy behind that silk veil that likes it more when it appears Mr. is a player.  It might sound cynical, however emperical evidence and a dispassionate assessment, I tend to agree more with Vetus.

What I'm driving at is that without a real structure supporting courtship (e.g., parish events, patriarchy, families knowing each other, people showing dedication to their state in life, etc.), results are not going to stand out even in traditional communities. 

[JayneK]

Now certainly I can understand why a woman might place a very high value on having an exclusive man, like having a one off dress or handbag that no other woman can ever own, but let's not pretend that virgins know how to press all the right physical buttons, because it simply is not true.

From what I have read, there are ways in which I am not typical of most women.  I doubt that learning about other women's buttons would have been of much help to my husband.  He learned how to be sexually intimate with me and he is extremely good at it and became so very quickly.  He did not need advance practice on other women.

I have had sex with experienced men (unlike my husband, I was not a virgin at marriage) and none of them were as good as my husband.  This is because there is far more to the marriage act than physical stimulation.  Being a loving and virtuous man is worth incomparably more than practice.

[JayneK]

Sometimes I agree with your posts; sometimes I disagree.  This one sickened me.

I don't suppose I'll be marrying into your family anytime soon....

It is inevitable that my daughters compare men against their father.  That is a very high standard.

[JayneK]

Are more experienced soccer players, gardeners, poker players, acrobats and masseurs better at what they do?  Yes, of course they are.  It stands to reason that a person who has had sex with other partners is (more often than not) going to have got better at it with practice.

You know what else people get better at with practice?  Self-control.  I would rather have a man who has gotten good at chastity by practicing it than one who has gotten good at ignoring God's commandments.

[The Curt Jester]

The best looking Traditionalist Catholic woman in the UK was my best female friend and dated my best male friend, (I introduced them).  She had all sorts of problems even getting asked out by Trad men in the early 1990s because they were put off by her stunning looks.  Think Kim Kardashian.

Um.   But she's ugly, even with makeup.