Are Traditional Women too Choosy with Men?

[Johanna]

Are trad women too picky?

Yes and no.  It is good to be picky, but they shoot themselves in the foot if they wait too long.  All the good guys go like hot cakes. 

[The_Harlequin_King]

To answer the first question: "Are Traditional Women too Choosy with Men?"

My experience is that it's pretty easy for me to get along with a trad woman I meet on the Internet, but my chances of just meeting a compatible woman at my local church are slim. I've had two experiences with going on dates with local church women. They both married the next guy soon after. That's okay, though, because I wasn't that into either of them.

[The_Harlequin_King]

When you think of it, targeting 20 year old virgins is nothing short of a chimera.

No matter how much I'd like the world to be a better place, I don't really expect any virgins after 15.

Who really wants a 20-year old virgin, anyway?

[CollegeCatholic]

Are they too choosy?  I can't speak to trad women in particular, but I can speak to women (based on my experiences).  

As always, it depends on the woman.    Women are not able to be grouped together, I think, because they follow emotion more so than men.  They'll say or do one thing one day, and the next it will be completely different.  Attraction is much like that as well - it's not so much what's "good" for them (or what most people would consider "good" for them) but rather what feels good/right for them.

However, my (admittedly limited) experience with trad women is that they run off to the chapel to get married.  I do not think, however, the trad-fetish with "courtship" would solve the issue.  If a guy is appealing enough and can provide everything the woman needs/wants, then she'll probably run off to marry him.  Especially if she's a traditional Catholic.  

As to chasing - it depends on what you mean.  There is a certain game to be played with women in wooing and gaining them.  Rarely does it occur that you just walk up to one, find one, and get hitched.  And, really, that's part of all the fun, ain' it?

My experience with trad women is that very few of them remain single after age 30.  At least, based on the chapels I've been to, they are almost always married off (or in a committed relationship).

I have a followup question, but I am 99% sure of its answer.....  

[CollegeCatholic]

It's more important for the woman to be very, very choosy IMO.  The man has a very big job in a Catholic family, especially if you have lots of kids.  What do you think traditional women are being too choosy about?  Are they only looking for men who can change a tire?  Only looking for men who have a good career starting out?  Only looking for men that aren't titty-babies and out to snag a woman to play the role of mama?  Are they only looking for men that can do basic house chores like laundry and cooking?

I mean, nobody's perfect, but you gotta be a damn strong man to make it as a catholic paterfamilias in this world.  For a woman, it's much easier to just remain single than settle for less.

Fluffy has it right on the money.  Just as a man shouldn't run off with some floozie, neither should a girl run off with the first boy that she finds (unless he's like, got it all going on).  She is marrying someone for life.  She will likely be raising a large family as a trad Catholic.  She probably won't work outside the home (given trads and their beliefs).

Lotta pressure on the lady.

[JayneK]

When you think of it, targeting 20 year old virgins is nothing short of a chimera.

No matter how much I'd like the world to be a better place, I don't really expect any virgins after 15.

Who really wants a 20-year old virgin, anyway?

I have no idea how common it is to want a wife like that, but I don't think there is anything wrong with men who do.  My husband was a virgin when I married him and I really admired that about him.  It took a lot of strength of character and religious commitment.  We ought to recognize that this is the ideal.

[Vox Clamantis]

I'm with Jayne on that. You'd think any Catholic would find virginity admirable!

But I do have a problem with people who are unforgiving about past mistakes and such, or those who seem to think people can't change. While there's something to be said for the idea that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, there's also a lot to be said for grace and personal insight, too.

[piabee]

Similarly, I have Rules, and one is to not chase.

So, what, the women are supposed to chase after you? That is completely contrary to traditionalism and femininity. IMO trad women are not choosy enough.

[Vox Clamantis]

I think men and women typically - and should - chase after each other. We tend to do it in different ways, but we all have to "put ourselves out there" in some way, make ourselves available, indicate interest (or not, as the game may be haha), etc.

Any non-Josephite marriage-minded male trad would want to be sure that he won't be cuckolded, and any female trad would want to make sure she and their kids are supported. The respect thing goes two ways even if the sort of respect entailed might be different for the sexes (I think, for ex., that most women want to experience a respect that is almost "paternal" -- without being condescending). But all that sort of practical-minded stuff aside, people either "click" or they don't. "Chemistry" -- whatever it is --counts for something, IMO. One can't base an entire marriage on it -- i.e., just factor that in and none of the practical stuff -- but with a good chemistry, marriage is that much more rich and beautiful. Long live "the thunderbolt"!

My two cents, FWIW...

[The_Harlequin_King]

Similarly, I have Rules, and one is to not chase.

So, what, the women are supposed to chase after you?

Yes.

Though I'm guessing Theoden's meaning was really that a man shouldn't make himself vulnerable for a woman's sake. Don't always be the one to call, don't spoil the woman, and absolutely do not do stupid things like stand outside her window, pretending to be a minstrel. Courtly love is one of the few things I dislike about the medieval period. There are much better things to revive from the era, like Gothic architecture, hand-illuminated books, armor, and trial by combat. But courtly love..... nah.

Ideally, a man achieves greatness and women flock to him like a celebrity, so he has no need to pursue. And if he chooses to chase, he clubs his woman in the back of the head and drags her to his lair.