``Where the
Bishop is, there let the multitude of believers be;
even as where Jesus is, there is the Catholic Church'' Ignatius of
Antioch, 1st c. A.D
Holy Matrimony
First, what is
the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony? What does
this
Sacrament do?
Marriage was instituted by God Himself in the Garden of Eden and
restored to such -- raised to the dignity of a Sacrament -- by Jesus
Christ in the New Covenant. The Sacrament's external sign is the freely
entered into contract made between a validly baptized man and validly
baptized woman who intend to form a marriage and who have no
impediments to marriage (or who have any required dispensations if an
impediment exists). Like Holy Orders, once the Sacrament is received,
it cannot be set aside; a valid sacramental marriage lasts until the
death of one of the spouses. 1
The matter of the Sacrament is the mutual, freely-given consent of the
man and woman before a priest and two witnesses. The man and woman are
the actual ministers of the Sacrament, and the fruits of the Sacrament
are the graces needed to raise a family and live up to the marital vows.
While the modern secular world sees marriage as the highest expression
of romantic love, this must be made clear: the primary purpose of marriage is not
celebrating intense, loving feelings; it is primarily about the
procreation and education of children, most especially educating them
to know, love, and serve God. Its secondary
purposes are unitive,
"mutual society and help, and a lawful remedy for concupiscence"
(Catholic Encyclopedia). Feelings come and go, but marriage is until
death. Couples may sometimes have to separate to preserve health or
life, such as in cases of abuse, but separation, even civil divorce if
necessary, doesn't mean a marriage has truly ended; a separated or
civilly divorced Catholic cannot remarry until his spouse has died.
Marriage grants to each partner the right to
the spouse's body; the obligation this creates on the part of each is
called the "marital debt." I Corinthians 7:1-4:
Now concerning
the things whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a
woman. But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife:
and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render the
debt to his wife: and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The
wife hath not power of her own body: but the husband. And in like
manner the husband also hath not power of his own body: but the wife.
Artificial birth
control and contraception are strictly forbidden,
though birth control through the use of "Natural Family Planning"
(often abbreviated as "NFP") or other similar methods that take
advantage of natural periods of sterility may be used for serious
reason. 2 For a fuller
view of Christian marriage, see Pope Pius
XI's Casti Connubii and Pope Leo
XIII's Arcanum. For more explicit teachings
on contraception, see Pope Pius XII's Address
to Midwives, especially the sub-section "Birth Control," and Pope
Paul VI's Humanae Vitae.
Impediments to a Sacramental Marriage
Impediments to a
sacramental marriage are of two types: diriment impediments, which
render an alleged marriage null and void or make a potential marriage
impossible, and prohibitory impediments, which don't affect validity
but liceity (i.e., its strict accordance with Canon Law) and require a
dispensation first.
Diriment impediments include: the inability to freely consent; blood
relationship to the fourth degree collaterally, or in any degree in the
direct line; relationship by adoption if the relationship is to the
second degree collaterally, or in any degree in the direct line;
spiritual relationship, such as that between godparents and
godchildren; a solemn vow of chastity; impotence (not sterility) that
is known and not revealed; having been a party in a marriage contract
that was not ended by death or found to be invalid with a declaration
of nullity (an "annulment") or dissolved by the Petrine or Pauline
Privileges (see below); having received Holy Orders; not having reached
the age of 14 (women) or 16 (men); if either of the couple is not
baptized. If one of these impediments exist, a marriage can almost
never take place (only in very, very rare cases are dispensations given
to a couple who have affinity in the first degree of the direct line).
Prohibitory impediments include: betrothal to another (i.e., pledge of
marriage to another); a simple vow of chastity; if one party is
baptized but belongs to a schismatic or heretical sect; lack of
parental consent in the case of minors. If one of these impediments
exist, a marriage would still be valid, but a dispensation -- a
"radical sanation" -- must be
gotten in order for the marriage to be licit.
If any of these impediments exist, the couple is bound to declare them.
Mixed Marriages
If a Catholic
gets a dispensation to marry someone who is baptized but belongs to a
schismatic or heretical sect, they are said to enter into a "mixed
marriage." Despite the fact that mixed marriages are are inherently
flawed, the Church
sometimes does grant a dispensation to such a couple for
the same reason
that a prudent mother would prefer to see a wayward daughter do a bad
thing than a worse thing. What parent would not prefer to see a child
sick than dead? There is some hope for the life of a man hanging over a
precipice and clinging even to a handful of grass, but there is no hope
when his brains are dashed out on the rocks beneath. When persons have
fully made up their minds to enter mixed marriage, they are so blinded
by their passions and preferences that, if the Church should not
tolerate their step, many of them would marry out of the Church, and
thus commit mortal sin, and in most cases incur excommunication. The
only difference, then, is this: There is at least a possible hope of
salvation when mixed marriages are tolerated by the Church; whereas, if
these persons should die in their rebellion against the Church, their
damnation would be certain. The Church, like a prudent mother, would
prefer the less of these two evils. ("Vocations Explained: Matrimony,
Virginity, The Religious State, and the Priesthood," Benziger Brothers,
1897).
Traditionally
the Church requires three conditions for the issuing of a dispensation
for a mixed marriage:
that the
Catholic party be allowed free exercise of religion;
that all the
offspring are to be brought up Catholic; and
that the
Catholic party promise to do all that is possible to convert the
non-Catholic.
The 1983 Code of
Canon Law, though, gives the three conditions as: the Catholic party is
to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting
from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or
her power in order that all the children be baptized and brought up in
the Catholic Church; the other party is to be informed in good time of
these promises to be made by the Catholic party, so that it is certain
that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of
the Catholic party; both parties are to be instructed about the
purposes and essential properties of marriage, which are not to be
excluded by either contractant.
In any case, mixed marriages are frowned upon very harshly (or should
be, anyway) and pose extreme dangers to the peace and very
purpose of family life. Catholics should "marry Catholic"! This cannot
be stressed enough! If a man and woman are not together on the very
fundamentals of life -- the nature of God and Church, the very purpose
of life, the things they are duty-bound to teach their children -- they
will struggle and their children will suffer from that struggle and
from the religious indifference which would undoubtedly ensue. The
family culture will be in shambles, and that which should be most
deeply shared won't be shared at all. Paragraphs 81-83 of Casti
Connubii read:
81. This
religious character of marriage, its sublime signification of grace and
the union between Christ and the Church, evidently requires that those
about to marry should show a holy reverence towards it, and zealously
endeavor to make their marriage approach as nearly as possible to the
archetype of Christ and the Church.
82. They, therefore, who rashly and heedlessly contract mixed
marriages, from which the maternal love and providence of the Church
dissuades her children for very sound reasons, fail conspicuously in
this respect, sometimes with danger to their eternal salvation. This
attitude of the Church to mixed marriages appears in many of her
documents, all of which are summed up in the Code of Canon Law:
"Everywhere and with the greatest strictness the Church forbids
marriages between baptized persons, one of whom is a Catholic and the
other a member of a schismatical or heretical sect; and if there is,
add to this, the danger of the falling away of the Catholic party and
the perversion of the children, such a marriage is forbidden also by
the divine law." If the Church occasionally on account of circumstances
does not refuse to grant a dispensation from these strict laws
(provided that the divine law remains intact and the dangers above
mentioned are provided against by suitable safeguards), it is unlikely
that the Catholic party will not suffer some detriment from such a
marriage.
83. Whence it comes about not unfrequently, as experience shows, that
deplorable defections from religion occur among the offspring, or at
least a headlong descent into that religious indifference which is
closely allied to impiety. There is this also to be considered that in
these mixed marriages it becomes much more difficult to imitate by a
lively conformity of spirit the mystery of which We have spoken, namely
that close union between Christ and His Church.
For another
Encyclical that deals explicitly with mixed marriages, see Pope Gregory
XVI's "Summo Iugiter Studio,"
published in 1832. If you are a Catholic woman toying with the idea of
marrying a non-Catholic man, please read this extremely important
article that shows the astonishing results of a study to determine the
influence of fathers on children's religiosity: The Truth About Men and Church.
Natural Marriages
Marriages that
take place between two unbaptized people or between a baptized and an
unbaptized person are said to be non-sacramental "natural marriages"
which do not bring forth sanctifying grace. Once one is sacramentally
married, it is for life, but merely natural marriages, which
are in and of themselves good, can sometimes be dissolved with
what is known as the "Pauline Privilege" or the "Petrine Privilege."
The Pauline Privilege
The Pauline Privilege is exercised when: both parties are unbaptized at
the time of marriage, one of the parties becomes baptized, and the
unbaptized party leaves. This sort of case, which is handled by the
local Bishop, is outlined in I Corinthians 7:10-15:
But to them that
are married [i.e., those who are sacramentally married], not I, but
the Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband. And
if she depart, that she remain unmarried or be reconciled to her
husband. And let not the husband put away his wife.
For to the rest [i.e., those who are in merely natural marriages] I
speak, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not
and she consent to dwell with him: let him not put her away. And if any
woman hath a husband that believeth not and he consent to dwell with
her: let her not put away her husband. For the unbelieving husband is
sanctified by the believing wife: and the unbelieving wife is
sanctified by the believing husband. Otherwise your children should be
unclean: but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever depart, let him
depart. For a brother or sister is not under servitude in such cases.
But God hath called us in peace.
The Petrine Privilege
The Petrine Privilege is exercised when: one of the parties was
unbaptized at the time of the marriage, they separate without the
baptized party being at fault (or plan to separate and the unbaptized
party refuses Baptism and will not live peaceably with the baptized
party), and the baptized party now wants to marry a Catholic (see I
Esdras 10-14). Unlike the Pauline Privilege which is handled by the
local Bishop, this sort of case is sent to Rome to be adjudicated by
the Pope himself.
Note that the exercise of the Petrine or Pauline Privileges is not a
declaration of nullity (an "annulment"). A declaration of nullity is
the finding that a marriage was merely putative and never existed at
all; the Petrine and Pauline Privileges dissolve non-sacramental
natural marriages. Truly sacramental marriages -- marriages joined
together by God Himself -- that are ratified and consummated can be
dissolved by no one. Matthew 19:3-9:
And there came
to him the Pharisees tempting him, saying: Is it lawful for a man to
put away his wife for every cause? Who answering, said to them: Have ye
not read, that he who made man from the beginning, made them male and
female? And he said: For this cause shall a man leave father and
mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one
flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore
God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. They say to him: Why
then did Moses command to give a bill of divorce, and to put away? He
saith to them: Because Moses by reason of the hardness of your heart
permitted you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not
so. And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it
be for fornication [Greek: porneia], and shall marry another,
committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia]: and he that shall marry her that
is put away, committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia]. 3
In any case, if
you are entering the Church now and are already married, talk with your
priest as to the nature of your marriage. If both you and your spouse
are baptized and have never been married before, there should be no
problem in having your marriage blessed. Refrain from the Sacraments
until you are sure about the status of your marriage.
Getting Married in the Church
If the couple
are both baptized and in a state of grace (couples should make a
general confession and receive Communion as soon before marriage as
possible), and none of the impediments listed above exist (or a
dispensation has been gotten), the first thing to do is to announce
your betrothal to your priest, who will then publish the "banns of
marriage." The banns are a public announcement of the upcoming marriage
so that any impediments can be discovered. This "publication" is
usually made on three consecutive Holy Days (including Sundays), during
the Mass itself (before or after the sermon) and/or in the parish
bulletin (for good reason, sometimes the banns may be dispensed with).
Then you will obey the civil laws of the State in which you live by
getting the proper blood tests, licenses, etc. Note that weddings
shouldn't take place during Lent,
given the penitential, somber nature of the season.
As far as wonderfully girly wedding plans go, I will note here that the
bride's dress (and
bridesmaids' dresses) must conform to the same rules of modesty and
decorum that apply any time a woman enters a church, i.e., her head
must be covered, the dress must cover the knees when standing or
sitting, the neckline should be modest, etc. No spaghetti strap,
totally sleeveless, backless, side-split, mini-length, plunging
neckline, sassy little Vera Wang numbers allowed. Of all the days of
her life, the last day a woman should want to present herself to the
world as sex object is her wedding day.
Music is handled differently at Catholic weddings, too. No "Sunrise,
Sunset," no Celine Dion tunes -- quite possibly, not even Wagner's or
Mendelssohn's Wedding Marches. Save "Unchained Melody" for your first
dance at the reception and "At Last" for the cake-cutting; music during
the wedding itself must be sacred.
As to the Rite of Marriage itself, it can be offered with or
without a Mass and Nuptial Blessing (traditionally, the Nuptial Mass
and Blessing are only offered when the bride and groom are both
Catholic, not in the case of mixed marriages). If the couple wants a
Mass and Nuptial Blessing, the form of the Mass will depend on the day
of the wedding. The default Mass offered is the Nuptial Mass (color
white) -- but this Mass may not be said on: Sundays; on Holy Days of
Obligation; on Feasts of the 1st or 2nd Class; on Ash Wednesday; during
Holy Week; on All Souls Day; on the Vigils of Christmas or Epiphany or
Pentecost; or within the within the octaves of the Epiphany, Easter,
Pentecost, and Corpus Christi. If a wedding takes place on any of the
above days and a Mass is desired, that day's Mass is said (and the
color will be of the Mass of that day) instead of the Nuptial Mass, but
the Collect, Secret, and Postcommunion prayers from the Nuptial Mass
are added to it along with a prayer for the couple after the Pater
Noster, and a blessing for the couple.
The Rite of Marriage
The bride and
groom stand before the priest, just outside the sanctuary. The groom
stands on the Joseph/Epistle side of the church (the right from the
point of view of the congregation), and the bride stands on the
Mary/Gospel side. The priest then asks the following question of the
groom:
N., wilt thou
take N., here present, for thy lawful wife, according to the rite of
our holy Mother the Church? .
R. I will
Then the priest
asks the bride:
N., wilt thou
take N., here present, for thy lawful husband, according to the rite of
our holy Mother the Church?
R. I will.
Having obtained
their mutual consent, the priest asks the man and the woman join their
right hands. Then they pledge themselves each to the other as follows,
repeating the words after the priest. The man begins:
I, N. N., take
thee, N. N., for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day
forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and
in health, until death do us part.
The woman
follows:
I, N. N., take
thee, N. N., for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day
forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and
in health, until death do us part.
The priest then
says:
I join you
together in marriage, in the Name of the Father, + and of the Son, and
of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
Ego conjugo vos
in matrimonium, in nomine Patris, + et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
The priest
sprinkles the couple with Holy Water.
Then he blesses the bride's ring, saying:
V. Our help is
in the Name of the Lord.
V. Adjutorium
nostrum in nomine Domini.
R. Who made
heaven and earth.
R. Qui fecit
caelum et terram.
V. O Lord, hear
my prayer.
V. Domine,
exaudi orationem meam.
R. And let my
cry come unto Thee.
R. Et clamor
meus ad te veniat.
V. The Lord be
with you.
V. Dominus
vobiscum.
R. And with Thy
spirit.
R. Et cum
spiritu tuo.
Let us pray.
Bless, + O Lord, this ring, which we bless + in Thy name, that she who
shall wear it, keeping true faith unto her spouse, may abide in Thy
peace and in obedience to Thy will, and ever live in mutual love.
Through Christ our Lord.
R. Amen.
Then the priest
sprinkles the ring (which is considered a sacramental) with holy water
in the form of a cross; and the bridegroom, having received the ring
from the hand of the priest, places it on the third finger of the left
hand of the bride, saying the following:
With this ring I
thee wed and I plight unto thee my troth.
[Another form:
With this ring I
thee wed; this gold and silver I thee give; with my body I thee
worship; and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.
Another method
of placing the ring on the bride's finger is to slide it onto the thumb
while saying "In the Name of the Father," then onto the index finger
while saying, "and of the Son," and onto the middle finger while saying
"and of the Holy Ghost," then finally onto the ring finger while saying
"Amen.]
Then the priest
says:
In the name of
the Father + and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
In nomine
Patris, + et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
This done, the
priest says:
V. Confirm, O
God, that which Thou hast wrought in us.
V. Confirma hoc,
Deus, qod operatus es in nobis.
R. From Thy holy
temple, which is in Jerusalem.
R. A templo
sancto tuo quod est in Jerusalem.
V. Lord, have
mercy.
V. Kyrie eleison.
R. Christ, have
mercy.
R. Christe
eleison.
V. Lord, have
mercy.
V. Kyrie
eleison.
Our Father, etc.
(inaudibly).
Pater noster
(secreto).
V. And lead us
not into temptation.
V. Et ne nos
inducas in tentationem.
R. But deliver
us from evil.
R. Sed libera
nos a malo.
V. Save Thy
servants.
V. Salvos fac
servos tuos.
R. Who hope in
Thee, O my God.
R. Deus meus,
sperantes in te.
V. Send them
help, O Lord, from Thy holy place.
V. Mitte eis,
Domine, auxilium de sancto.
R. And defend
them out of Sion.
R. Et de Sion
tuere eos.
V. Be unto them,
Lord, a tower of strength.
V. Esto eis,
Domine, turris fortitudinis. R.: A facie inimici.
R. From the face
of the enemy.
V. Domine exaudi
orationem meam.
V. O Lord, hear
my prayer.
R. Et clamor
meus ad te veniat.
R. And let my
cry come unto Thee.
R. Et clamor
meus ad te veniat.
V. The Lord be
with you.
V. Dominus
vobiscum.
R. And with Thy
spirit.
R. Et cum
spiritu tuo.
Let us pray.
Look down with favor, O Lod, we beseech Thee, upon these Thy servants,
and graciously protect this, Thine ordinance, whereby Thou hast
provided for the propagation of mankind; that they who are joined
together by Thy authority may be preserved by Thy help; through Christ
our Lord. Amen.
Thus ends the
Rite of Marriage. There should be no applause for the couple afterwards
in the church; save that for outside when they leave the church (i.e.,
at the typical "rice-throwing time" outdoors) and at the couple's
entrance at their reception.
Optional:
The Nuptial Mass
(Missa pro Sponso et Sponsa)
and Nuptial Blessing
The Nuptial Mass
and Nuptial Blessing are optional for the couple. If they are desired,
they will follow the Marriage Rite above. The Nuptial Mass is like any
other Mass except that the Gloria and Creed are omitted, and the
following Propers are said. The Nuptial Mass can't be offered on any of
the following days: Feasts of the first or second class; on Sundays or
holydays of obligation; within the octaves of the Epiphany, Easter,
Pentecost, Corpus Christi; on Ash Wednesday; during Holy Week; on the
vigils of Christmas, Epiphany or Pentecost; All Soul's Day.
Introit:
Tobias 7:15; 8:19
May the God of
Israel join you together: and may He be with you, who was merciful to
two only children: and now, O Lord, make them bless Thee more fully.
(Ps. 127. 1). Blessed are all they that fear the Lord, that walk in His
ways.
Deus Israel
conjungat vos: et ipse sit vobiscum, qui misertus est duobus unicis: et
nunc, Domine, fac eos plenius benedicere te. (Ps. 127. 1) Beati omnes
qui timent Dominum: qui ambulant in viis ejus.
V. Glory to the
Father . . . -- May the God . . .
V. Gloria Patri
. . . -- Deus Israel conjunga
Collect
Hear us,
almighty and merciful God: that what is performed by our ministry may
be abundantly fulfilled with Thy blessing. Through our Lord Jesus
Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with Thee...
Epistle:
Ephesians 5:22-33
Brethren: Let
women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord; for the husband is
the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. He is the
savior of His body. Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so
also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love
your wives, as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered Himself up
for it: that He might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water
in the word of life; that He might present it to Himself a glorious
Church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it
should be holy and without blemish. So also ought men to love their
wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself: for
no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it; as
also Christ doth the Church: for we are members of His body, of His
flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be two in one
flesh. This is a great Sacrament, but I speak in Christ and in the
Church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular love his wife
as himself, and let the wife fear her husband.
Gradual:
Psalm 127:3
Thy wife shall
be as a fruitful vine on the sides of thy house.
Uxor tua sicut
vitis abundans in lateribus domus tuae.
V. Thy children
as olive plants round about thy table. Alleluia, alleluia.
V. Filii tui
sicut novellae olivarum in circuitu mensae tuae. Alleluia, alleluia.
V. (Ps. 19. 3)
May the Lord send you help from the sanctuary, and defend you out of
Sion. Alleluia.
V. Mittat vobis
Dominus auxilium de sancto: et de Sion tueatur vos. Alleluia.
After
Septuagesima, the Alleluia and the Verse Mittat are omitted and the
following is said:
Tract: Psalm
127:4-6
Behold thus
shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.
Ecce sic
benedicetur omnis homo, qui timet Dominum.
V. May the Lord
bless you out of Sion; and mayest thou see that good things of
Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
V. Benedicat
tibi Dominus ex Sion: et videas bona Jerusalem omnibus diebus vitae
tuae.
V. And mayest
thou see thy children's children: peace upon Israel.
V. Et videas
filios filiorum tuorum: pax super Israel.
During
Eastertide, the Gradual is omitted and the following Alleluia is said:
Alleluia,
alleluia.
Alleluia,
alleluia.
V. (Ps. 19. 3)
May the Lord send you help from the sanctuary, and defend you out of
Sion. Alleluia.
V. Mittat vobis
Dominus auxilium de sancto: et de Sion tueatur vos. Alleluia.
V. (Ps. 133. 3).
May the Lord out of Sion bless you: who hath made heaven and earth.
Alleluia.
V. Benedicat
vobis Dominus ex Sion: qui fecit coelum et terram. Alleluia.
Gospel:
Matthew 19:3-6
At that time:
The Pharisees came to Jesus, tempting Him and saying; It is lawful for
a man to put away his wife for every cause? Who answering said to them,
Have ye not read, that He who made man from the beginning, made them
male and female? and He said, For this cause shall a man leave his
father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be
in one flesh. Therefore, now they are not two but one flesh. What,
therefore, God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.
Offertory:
Psalm 30:15-16
In Thee, O Lord,
have I hoped: I said, Thou art my God; my times are in Thy hands.
In te speravi,
Domine: dixi: Tu es Deus meus: in manibus tuis tempora mea.
Secret
Accept, we
beseech Thee, O Lord, the gifts offered for the sacred law of marriage:
and do Thou dispose according to Thy will, that which is instituted by
Thy bounty. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and
reigneth with Thee in the unity...
Preface
It it truly meet
and just, right and for our salvation, that we should at all times, and
in all places, give thanks unto Thee, O holy Lord, Father almighty,
everlasting God, through Christ our Lord. Through whom the Angels
praise Thy Majesty, the Dominations worship it, the Powers stand in
awe. The heavens and the heavenly hosts together with the blessed
Seraphim in triumphant chorus unite to celebrate it. Together with
them, we entreat Thee, that Thou mayest bid our voices also to be
admitted, while we say in lowly praise:
Vere dignum et
justum est, aequum et salutare, nos tibi semper, et ubique gratias
agere: Domine sancte, Pater omnipotens, aeterne Deus: per Christum
Dominum nostrum. Per quem majestatem tuam laudant Angeli, adorant
Dominationes, tremunt Potestates. Coeli, coelorumque Virtutes, ac beata
Seraphim socia exsultatione concelebrant. Cum quibus et nostras voces,
ut admitti jubeas, deprecamur, supplici confessione dicentes:
After the Pater
Noster, the priest goes to the Epistle side of the Altar. The Bride and
Groom kneel before him. The priest folds his hands and, turning towards
the bridegroom and bride, says over them the following two prayers.
After the prayers, he continues the Mass, and the Bride and Groom
resume their places. The couple receive Communion as usual, at the
proper time.
Let us pray. Be
gracious, O Lord, to our humble supplications: and graciously assist
this Thine institution, which Thou hast established for the increase of
mankind: that what is joined together by Thine authority, may be
preserved by Thine aid. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who
liveth and reigneth with Thee...
O God, who by Thine own mighty power, didst make all things out of
nothing: who, having set in order the beginnings of the world, didst
appoint Woman to be an inseparable helpmeet to Man, made like unto God,
so that Thou didst give to woman's body its beginnings in man's flesh,
thereby teaching that what it pleased Thee to form from one substance,
might never be lawfully separated: O God, who, by so excellent a
mystery hast consecrated the union of man and wife, as to foreshadow in
this nuptial bond the union of Christ with His Church: O God, by whom
Woman is joined to Man, and the partnership, ordained from the
beginning, is endowed with such blessing that it alone was not
withdrawn either by the punishment of original sin, nor by the sentence
of the flood: graciously look upon this Thy handmaid, who, about to be
joined in wedlock, seeks Thy defense and protection. May it be to her a
yoke of love and peace: faithful and chaste, may she be wedded in
Christ, and let her ever be the imitator of holy women: let her be dear
to her husband, like Rachel: wise, like Rebecca: long-lived and
faithful like Sara. Let not the author of deceit work any of his evil
deeds in her. May she continue, clinging to the faith and to the
commandments. Bound in one union, let her shun all unlawful contact.
Let her protect her weakness by the strength of discipline; let her be
grave in behavior, respected for modesty, well-instructed in heavenly
doctrine. Let her be fruitful in offspring; be approved and innocent;
and come to the repose of the blessed and the kingdom of heaven. May
they both see their children's children to the third and fourth
generation, and may they reach the old age which they desire. Through
the same Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth...
The priest
continues the Mass as usual with the prayer Deliver us, we beseech
Thee, O Lord.
Communion:
Psalm 127:4, 6
Behold, thus
shall every man be blessed that feareth the Lord; and mayest thou see
thy children's children; peace upon Israel.
Ecce sic
benedicetur omnis homo, qui timet Dominum: et videas filios filiorum
tuorum: pax super Israel.
Postcommunion
We beseech Thee,
almighty God, to accompany with Thy gracious favor, the institution of
Thy Providence, and keep in lasting peace those whom Thou dost join in
lawful union. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and
reigneth...
The Bride and
Groom go and kneel before the priest once more. The priest turns toward
them, giving the blessing below. Afterwards, he sprinkles them with
Holy Water and they go back to their places:
May the God of
Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob be with you: and
Himself fulfill His blessing on you: that you may see your children's
children even to the third and fourth generation: and thereafter
possess life everlasting, by the aid of our Lord...
Thus ends the
Nuptial Mass
Information for non-Catholic Guests
If you are
invited to attend a traditional Catholic wedding, prepare for a long
ceremony if the wedding will include a Mass (around 1 1/2 to 2 hours).
Mass attire and etiquette are covered on this
page, and the Order of the Mass can be found here.
Gifts, of course, are usually given to the couple at the reception that
follows the wedding. Such Catholic items as Crucifixes,
Holy Water fonts, etc. are
always welcome, along with more secular household items.
Wedding Customs
Folk tradition
has it that the bride must wear "something old, something new,
something borrowed, and something blue" (my family has a little
bluebird brooch, a symbol of happiness, that gets handed down and
around for brides wear under their dresses and which acts as the
"something old," "something borrowed" and "something blue" all at once).
It is a tradition in some places for the bride to carry a crucifix
instead of a bouquet. The crucifix is blessed by the priest, and when
the time comes for the couple to exchange vows, the bride places her
right hand on the Cross while the groom places his hand over hers. The
priest covers their hands with his stole, the couple pronounce their
vows, and then they kiss the Crucifix before they kiss each other,
thereby symbolizing their placing Christ at the center of their
marriage, and their taking up of the cross of marriage. That Crucifix
is then taken home by the couple and kept in a place of great honor.
It is a lovely
custom for the bride to leave a bouquet in front of the statue of Mary
in the church, praying to Mary
to help her in her duties as a wife and intercede in blessing her with
children (Catholic brides can have their florists make up
little "Mary bouquets" for this purpose). This custom symbolizes the
bride offering her virginity, as indicated by the flowers, to Our Lady,
in return for her prayers to make her marriage fruitful. The groom
might light a candle in front of the statue of St. Joseph and ask him
to intercede for him as a husband.
After the wedding, a reception follows. Customs at these receptions
vary from ethnic group to ethnic group.
Among Italians and Italian-Americans, the couple is toasted with
"Cent'anni!" (A hundred years!) and asked to kiss with cries of
"Bacio!". The bride will give out white "confetti" -- Jordan almonds --
in odd numbers (usually 7) to the wedding guests. They are sometimes
pre-wrapped in tulle and symbolize "the bitter and the sweet" of
married
life. The bride will carry a silk or satin bag (una borsa) into
which guests will put envelopes of money to help defray wedding and
honeymoon costs. Sometimes male wedding guests will pay for the
privilege of dancing with the bride, and, of course, they kiss her for
luck. As to the dancing, the Tarantella is the standard "Italian
wedding dance" (click tbelow hear the music
for the Neapolitan version of the Tarantella). Food and wine, of
course, will play a huge role as in all big Catholic (especially
Italian Catholic) celebrations -- many courses worth! -- and "wanda"
("love-knot" cookies sprinkled with sugar) are standard, along with
wedding cake and coffee at the end of the meal.
At some point
during the reception, the groom will stomp on a glass that has been
wrapped up in a white linen towel, the broken glass symbolizing the
irrevocability of marriage, and the number of shards left behind
representing the number of happy years they will have together. Gifts
are not opened at the reception in most Italian weddings.
At the end
of the reception, the bride will toss her bouquet to the gathered
single women, and the one who catches it is said to be the next who'll
marry.
As to the wedding night, it is an old custom for some couples to
abstain from the marital act, dedicating the first night of marriage to
St. Joseph (making the night "St. Joseph's Night"), and performing some
devotion to the Saint. This is in keeping with the spirit of Tobias
who, with his wife, Sara, spent the first three days and nights or
their marriage in prayer:
Tobias 8:4-5
Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let
us pray to God today, and tomorrow, and the next day: because for these
three nights we are joined to God: and when the third night is over, we
will be in our own wedlock. For we are the children of saints, and we
must not be joined together like heathens that know not God.
Note that St.
Dorothy (of Caesarea) is the Patroness of Brides; St. Louis
IX is the Patron of Grooms; St. Nicholas of Myra is the Patron of
newlyweds (both bride and groom); St. Valentine is the Patron of happy
marriages, and St. Joseph is the Patron of family life. For those who
desire to marry but who've not met the right person, SS. Catherine of
Alexandria, Agnes, Valentine, and Barbara intercede for women, and
SS.. Nicholas and Valentine intercede for men. St. Anthony of Padua is
often invoked by people of either sex trying to find a spouse -- and
once you do find someone to marry, remember that St. Agnes and St.
Valentine are the Saints for engaged couples. St. Elizabeth of Hungary
is the patroness of widows and widowers.
Finally, a prayer for married couples, from "The Catholic Marriage
Manual," by Father George Anthony Kelly, 1958:
O God of
goodness and mercy, to Thy fatherly guidance we commend our family, our
household and all our belongings. We commit all to Thy love and
keeping; do Thou fill this house with Thy blessings even as Thou didst
fill the holy House of Nazareth with Thy presence. Keep far from us,
above all else, the blemish of sin, and do Thou alone reign in our
midst by Thy law, by Thy most holy love and by the exercise of every
Christian virtue. Let each one of us obey Thee, love Thee and set
himself to follow in his own life Thine example, that of Mary, Thy
Mother and our Mother most loving, and that of Thy blameless guardian,
Saint Joseph.
Protect us and our house from all evils and misfortunes, but
grant that we may be ever resigned to Thy divine will even in the
sorrows which it shall please Thee to send us. Finally give unto all of
us the grace to live in perfect harmony and in the fullness of love
toward our neighbor. Grant that every one of us may deserve by a holy
life the comfort of Thy holy Sacraments at the hour of death.
O Jesus, bless us and protect us.
O Mary, Mother of grace and of mercy, defend us against the
wicked spirit, reconcile us with thy Son, commit us to His keeping,
that so we may be made worthy of His promises.
Saint Joseph, foster-father of our Savior, guardian of His
holy Mother, head of the Holy Family, intercede for us, bless us and
defend our home at all times.
Saint Michael, defend us against all the evil cunning of hell.
Saint Gabriel, make us to understand the holy will of God.
Saint Raphael, preserve us from all sickness and from every
danger to our lives.
Our holy Guardian Angels, keep our feet safely on the path of
salvation both day and night.
Our holy Patrons, pray for us before the throne of God.
Yea, bless this house, O God the Father, Who hast created us;
O God the Son, Who hast suffered for us upon the holy Cross, and Thou,
O Holy Spirit, Who hast sanctified us in holy Baptism. May the one God
in three Divine Persons preserve our bodies, purify our minds, direct
our hearts and bring us all to everlasting life.
Glory be to the Father, glory be to the Son, glory be to the
Holy Ghost! Amen.
Footnotes: 1 Divorce from a true spouse
is impossible; once one is sacramentally married, one is sacramentally
married until the death of the spouse. However, a civil divorce may be
obtained in cases requiring separation for legal or physical
protection. That is, as an example, a sacramentally married person may
civilly divorce an abusive spouse and become legally unmarried, but he
is still sacramentally married in the eyes of God and may not
remarry until his spouse dies.
An annulment is not a divorice; it is the finding that a true marriage
never happened in the first place.
2
If both spouses mutually
agree to not exercise their marital rights, theirs is said to be a
"Josephite marriage" akin to the marriage of Mary and Joseph, but if
the marital rights are exercised, the marital act must be open to life.
3 Regarding the verse:
And I say to
you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for
fornication [Greek: porneia], and shall marry another, committeth
adultery [Greek: moicheia]: and he that shall marry her that is put
away, committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia].
"Porneia" here
means unlawful sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons, i.e.,
"fornication"; it does not refer to sex between a married person and
someone who is not his or her spouse, which is "adultery" -- "moicheia"
in the Greek. "Porneia" and "moicheia" are two different words for two
different concepts. In referring to "porneia," Jesus is referring to
those things that constitute impediments and make a marriage unlawful,
and to understand His meaning, you must know something about Jewish
law.
During Jewish betrothal, a couple was considered legally bound and even
taxed together (Luke 2:5), i.e., a betrothal, or kuddushin, was
"an actual but incomplete marriage" (Jewish Encyclopedia). After 12
months, the groom would take his bride home in a rite called
"home-taking" (nisuin), after which their fully married life
began. A man, though, could leave his betrothed during the year of
betrothal and before their public marriage by getting a bill of
divorcement (get) as long as the marriage wasn't consummated --
the reason why, some believe that, per Jewish law, Our Lady was almost
"put away" privately by St. Joseph, a "just man" who was not "willing
to expose her" (Matthew 1:18-19) when he didn't want her to be shamed
for being pregnant before their "home-taking."
In other contexts, "porneia" also refers to concubinage, which isn't a
marriage at all (cf John 4:5-19), and to the prohibition of marriage
within certain degrees of kinship (which would make a marriage merely
putative), as it is used in Leviticus 18 and I Corinthians 5:1.
Bottom line, St.
Matthew was writing to Jewish audience, who would have been aware of
betrothal issues. St. Mark wrote to Gentiles and puts the matter of
divorce in a true sacramental marriage plainly in Mark 10:11-12: "And
he saith to them: Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another
committeth adultery against her. And if the wife shall put away her
husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery."
St. Paul reaffirms this in I Corinthians 7:10-11: "But to them that are
married, not I, but the Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from
her husband. And if she depart, that she remain unmarried or be
reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife."